Body Memories: The Monsters Inside, Knocking at Your Door

Re-posting this as a regular article. I am removing it from the “Pages” menu. I am in the process of revamping my Blog…

Most people who have suffered extreme child abuse experience physical symptoms they cannot explain. This is true, whether or not the person has remembered their childhood abuse.

When the child inside is without a voice, the adult body is forced to become an outlet for the emotions connected to the suffering. The physical symptoms are, in a very real sense, memories which are not yet ready to be faced or ones that have not been completely dealt with. The body is remembering, and it is crying out to be relieved of the monsters locked inside.

These physical sensations are sometimes characterized as “body memories,” which is actually an excellent description of what they are.

Body Remembers

Scientific research is now proving the mind/body connection, and in instances of child sexual abuse and trauma, it is the subconscious mind that is creating the physical reaction.

Stress is merely a symptom of something deeper that needs to be addressed, and dealt with, at the  subconscious level.

Stress is triggered by an event of the past, usually not understood, and often not remembered by the person.

PTSD, and trauma and sexual abuse-induced body memories, can be frightening and incapacitating. For this reason, many sexual abuse survivors deliberately avoid objects or people that remind them of the past. Many abuse survivors are aware that any little thing can trigger a body memory (or anxiety, panic attacks etc.). It can be a song, a scene in a film, a certain design and color of a man’s shirt, a particular person, a statue, a hairbrush, a particular color of carpeting, a painting, or any given object, person or place.

However, triggers cannot truly be avoided because the most uncomfortable physical symptoms often flare up when a previous victim of sexual abuse encounters unforeseeable or unknown subconscious cues to the past. It is these unidentified triggers which are usually the most powerful and the most persistent.

Over time, a person can come to understand certain cues, but often the source is masked. Some of the things which set the past in motion again are obvious triggers like egg whites, mayonnaise, bathrooms, and phallic symbols. But, triggers can be anything and everything. Although there are a number of very common triggers for the subconscious, many triggers are so obscure that deep hypnotherapy is required in order to rectify the somatic memory.

Body memories can be particularly strong at night and can even wake a person out of a deep sleep. This is because the molestation and rapes often happened in the child’s bed after everyone else in the house had retired for the night. During sleep is also when the subconscious mind is the most powerful.

Physical sensations can also commonly attack a person when they get up to use the bathroom at night, or body memories might be felt in a dream that awakens the person. Other times, the somatic symptom is felt upon waking in the morning. The symptoms often remain until the sufferer goes to work, or begins to occupy their mind with their children or daily tasks. This is because the subconscious can sometimes become subdued when the conscious mind is overly busy.

This might partially contribute to the high number of over-achievers and “Type A” personalities found in sexual abuse victims. If they slow down, or stop trying to work so hard, and stop focusing their attention completely on work and family, then they might actually have to feel their pain and their past.

At times, the invasive physical symptoms can be connected to events or objects that existed just before the trauma occurred. The intrusive body memory is more of a brain association connected to an event which preceded the actual danger or act of abuse. This makes it difficult to understand what the exact trigger is.

Tools of communication were significant triggers for me because of the threats of death by my father and because I had been smacked in the face by my mother during an attempt to use a telephone as a child.

For well over a decade, computers and telephones commonly triggered an extreme rapid heart rate or diarrhea in me. I was an adult, and safe, but when my subconscious saw a telephone, or when I used a computer, the little girl inside me, who was not yet healed, freaked out because she associated these objects with punishment.

The sudden discomfort or pain in my body could even be created by looking at an advertisement in a newspaper for a computer, or seeing a payphone on the street. The warning signal came when I saw or utilized any kind of device that could be used to contact other people. Yet as a child, the trauma was inflicted after I had attempted to use a telephone.

Food Triggers

An innumerable amount of survivors will suffer a complex and maddening relationship with food. Several eating disorders are highly associated with child sexual abuse.

My experiences with food included an avoidance of bananas and a need to cut up any food that resembled a penis. Burritos commonly caused me to experience physical reactions at the sight of them or right after eating them. Grocery stores, farmer’s markets, food-related websites, grocery bags, and clipping grocery coupons used to send me into terrible physical symptoms like heavy fatigue, an urgent need to urinate, or tightness in my chest.

Looking through cupboards in the kitchen, or opening the refrigerator door would also activate various physical manifestations in me. Trying to enjoy a simple meal frequently created a stomach ache before I even took a bite of food. Other times I experienced severe mood changes as soon as the last bite was eaten, or I would go through an extreme case of hunger after meals. Nausea often came to me just before or after eating a meal.

Preceding my memory recall of the incest, and during the most difficult years of healing from the abuse, I shoveled large amounts of food in my mouth but remained hungry afterwards. I also experienced guilt before and after eating. This was connected to enjoying the sex with my father. I also experienced a terrible problem with falsely feeling full,  just before making a meal, when only a few moments earlier, I was hungry.

Through the hypno-analysis therapy, I finally made the connection that the fullness was a psychological reaction to having been forced into certain sexual acts. As I began to make food, my body was rejecting the meal, even before I took a bite. The unhealed victim inside was associating food with the sexual abuse.

For years I obsessively feared someone would take my food away from me. I also became angry if my husband asked me for a bite of my food. This was connected to my need and desire to be with my father sexually.

Yet, there were times when I became enraged if someone offered me food once more, after already saying, “no thank you” to the offer. The person may just have been trying to be polite, but to my subconscious, it was as if I was being forced into a sexual act.

People who were sexually abused by a woman, might have a particularly difficult time with certain food because the general population has associated certain foods with female genitalia. Female breasts are referred to as “melons.” The vagina is often called things like “tuna fish” or a “taco.” Oral sex performed on a woman is considered “eating her out” and when a woman loses her virginity it is said she had her “cherry” popped.

Children, and subsequently, adult survivors of abuse, can easily associate food with the sexual abuse because of being forced to have things put to their mouth. For some victims, the abuse was their only form of nourishment. Sexual abuse is incredibly confusing for a child. They don’t want their bodies invaded and they prefer real love, but at the same time, they often like the affection and any physical enjoyment, so as an adult, the sexual abuse and food can be combined in the unconscious mind. Food is nourishment, love is nourishment, and sexual abuse is a sick form of nourishment for some children.


Advice: This article does not propose that any person should avoid seeking medical attention or a medical diagnosis for any particular physical symptom. This article is testimony of my personal experience with illness and disease. The contents or opinions in this article should never replace medical care, nor should its contents, or my experience, be used as a way for someone to heal themselves of any medical or psychological condition.

Over a period of two years, I was seen by several of the best medical doctors and specialists in my state in order to find a physiological cause for my suffering. I chose to use hypnoanalysis to heal after medical professionals told me I had chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome, and then told they could not treat or cure me. That was my choice for me and my body.

If you are experiencing any kind of physical disturbances, illness, or disease, you should seek proper medical care by seeing a medical or mental health professional, before assuming the problem is psychosomatic.


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Judge Tells Mother There is a Special Place in Hell For Sexually Abusing Her Little Girls

This article is being posted to remind people that some mothers sexually abuse their daughters, and to validate the experiences of my readers who have been sexually abused by their mothers but cannot quite come to to terms with the truth of it because of the image of mothers, and what we were all taught to believe about mothers and their children.

“A Georgia judge held little back Thursday when he berated a woman before sentencing her for her involvement in the molestation of her two young daughters, ages 6 and 8.

Amanda Arellano had just pleaded guilty to charges of rape and aggravated child molestation.


“Ms. Arellano, I don’t know that I have ever said a curse word from this bench,” said Bibb County Superior Court Judge Howard Simms. “But you may be the vilest b***h that I have ever met.”

The judge then spoke of “a special place in hell” for people like Arellano before sentencing her to 30 years in prison and lifetime probation as a sex offender.

The sordid details of Arellano’s case had just been outlined in court hours before. The Telegraph of Macon, Georgia, reported that many sitting in the courtroom were moved to tears while hearing the graphic details of what the girls had endured.

Prosecutors alleged that Arellano, 29, and her 30-year-old boyfriend, Daniel Kelly Copeland, had incorporated Arellano’s daughters “into their sexual behaviors as a couple.”

The girls’ mother, prosecutors said, admitted to participating in sex acts with Copeland and the two girls. The alleged acts occurred in the latter half of 2011.

Authorities said that Arellano forced the girls to watch the couple having sex and then later helped at least one daughter perform sex acts on Copeland. At one point, it is alleged, Arellano held one of her daughters down while Copeland had sex with the girl.

During one of the encounters, Arellano reportedly told one of the girls, “This is how men show you they love you.”

“I almost had to get up and walk out,” said one bailiff who was in the courtroom at the time the details were recounted.

Chief Assistant District Attorney Nancy Scott Malcor said she decided to accept Arellano’s plea in order to spare the girls from having to relive the abuse and testify in court during a trial.

“These girls have been through enough,” Malcor said.

Copeland, for his part in the crime, was sentenced to 25 years in prison last year after he pleaded guilty to rape and four counts of aggravated child molestation, according to the Albany Herald.

The case came to light after Copeland’s father went to authorities in early 2012. Copeland had admitted to his dad previously that he and Arellano had started involving the girls in their sex life.

When questioned by authorities, Copeland reportedly admitted that he and Arellano had started taking drugs that made them feel “especially sexual” and started performing sex acts in front of the children. Malcor, who also prosecuted Copeland, said the girls’ mother then began having them perform sex acts on her boyfriend. Malcor said it became an “every night thing.”



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The Psychopathic Mother

They are more common than we think. It really helped me to read this. Hopefully, it will help others to know they are not alone, and NOT crazy to think they had a mother who is, or was, a sociopath.

Children growing up without empathy or love

“There are many adult children who grew up under the influence of a toxic parent. For a minority, the toxicity of the parenting was a result of a parent’s psychopathy, a personality disorder [in my view, it's a disorder of the soul, not their "personality" and "psyche" literally means "soul."] that, by its diagnostic criteria, makes it impossible to establish a normal parent-child bond. When the mother is the diagnosed psychopath, the child may grow up in a world like the rabbit hole Alice fell into.

index Psycopath

Nothing is what it seems with the Female Psychopath

Research suggests that male and female psychopaths are a lot alike in terms of their core personalities. They are self-centered, deceptive, shallow emotions, and lack of empathy. They exploit others for self-serving reasons, lack remorse for their actions, and blame others for the consequences of their actions. Both also use their charm and physical appearance to manipulate others although women may use sex more often, and outright violence less often, than men.

Female psychopaths are quite willing to resort to brutal violence to attain their needs when deceit, manipulation and charm either fail or are not available.

However, there are some gender differences. Female psychopaths are much less common than males [I disagree with this. I think the women are more protected and not looked at as psychopaths...merely because they are a woman. The female psychopath hides behind her gender] and may use different strategies to get their needs met, perhaps as a result of gender role expectations. In comparison to male psychopaths, for instance, female psychopaths were less likely to engage in animal cruelty or physical threats and more likely to use flirting and verbal manipulation. In addition, because of their primary care taking role, female psychopaths are more likely to target their children.


See What A Good Mother I Am

Psychopathic mothers play “Super Mom” when others are watching. She will make sure anyone who will listen knows what a great parent she is. In fact, she may come across as something of a martyr, i.e., a mother who sacrifices her own wants and needs for those of her offspring. Behind closed doors, though, she shows little or no genuine interest in nurturing or caring for the child and may subject him/her to abuse or neglect.

The psychopathic mother doesn’t see her child as a separate person. Instead, the child is viewed as a personal possession whose sole purpose is to meet her mother’s needs. Mother-child interactions are very controlling and any affection is tied to behavior that feeds the mother’s ego.

Natural resistance or rebellion on the part of the child is viewed as betrayal and is met with harsh criticism or punishment to bring him or her back in line. In fact, she cannot allow her child to develop “normally” because of her need to mold him or her into exactly who she wants him/her to be.

Sadly, the inability to feel empathy, a benchmark characteristic of psychopathy, is especially destructive to an emotionally developing child. Any hint of weakness or pain from the child is criticized or invalidated unless it can be used to the mother’s benefit; consider the response of a psychopathic mother, who had married a known sex offender even though, at the time, she had a five year old child. When the child finally told her mother that her stepfather had raped her, her only response was, “Why didn’t you tell me at the divorce settlement so we could have gotten more money out of him?”

Most of us grow up with a few emotional bruises from the well-meaning mistakes of our parents. A child who grows up with a psychopathic mother, on the other hand, may inherit a legacy filled with self-doubt, confusion and guilt as s/he struggles to differentiate who s/he is from the object a psychopathic mother attempted to create and manipulate.”

Not only self-doubt and confusion, but deep pain and zero sense of self-worth. The child of a psychopathic mother may grow to question their own reality and will be highly unlikely to be able to fully trust women.

____________________________________________________________________, Published on July 10, 2013 by Joni E. Johnston, Psy.D. in The Human Equation
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Child Sexual Abuse Is Openly Permitted In Our Society


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The Link Between Child Sexual Abuse and Sexual Identity

How movingly beautiful it is that post number 1,000 on this Blog comes from a woman who was desolate when she found this Blog, but now she has wings and she is flying high.

Thank you Grace for being a warrior, and for sharing this planet with me.

Freedom: An Update on Grace

“Freedom is an interesting thing. It’s a concept that seems to be valued in modern society. I have come to understand freedom as something that goes so far beyond what I once believed it to be. My journey to personal freedom has led me to unbelievable experiences and a feeling to which words will never do justice.

My older sister sexually abused me as a child. I was also abused and paralyzed with fear by both of my parents. I spent most of my childhood dreaming of the day I could leave…the day I would be “free,” so to speak.

I moved out at 17, went to school and eventually moved to another city. I thought I had it all figured out –that I was truly free of all the baggage from my childhood. I was wrong. Traveling to far-away lands, moving to another city, cutting contact with family, self-medicating (including anti-depressants)…none of it freed me as I hoped.

The problems followed.

I have previously shared details of the crippling emotional, mental, physical, and sexual grip that the abuse had on me for almost my entire life. It’s taken me months, but I feel it’s time to provide Alethea’s readers with an update.

I have been in therapy with Dr. Ysatis de Saint Simone for just over 2 years. Even just typing those words… I can barely believe it’s ONLY been 2 years, because the changes in myself have been so dramatic. In the therapy, I have done the necessary deep-rooted cleansing of the trauma and confusion caused by the abuse…it has been more worth it than I could possibly express.

At one point, I was so sexually confused that I felt as though I may even be asexual. I was deeply unhappy in my relationship, and was not a good partner to my then-girlfriend.

The sexual confusion was caused by the abuse at the hands of my sister, as well as the codependent system I had developed with my mother. Because of my relationship with the mother, and the toxic light in which I viewed my father and most other men in my life, I felt a sense of safety and security with, and responsibility for, women.

Because of the pleasure, security, and attention I received from my sister, I further equated women with good feelings and general “happiness.” I was so unbalanced that I subconsciously refused to have male friends and pushed all males away, including my brother-in-law and male coworkers. I was in a dangerously codependent (and sometimes abusive) pit of misery with my then-girlfriend, and it was bringing us both to a very dark place.

If Alethea hadn’t started this blog I might still be there; or worse.

I have referred to the process of sorting through my memory storehouse as “digging myself out of hell with a plastic spoon.”

I have been given the gift of a therapist (discovered through Alethea) who helped me with this process in a natural, calming way that is cast-iron in its effectiveness. I felt as though I was in hell, physically and emotionally. I was in constant pain and could barely lift myself off the couch. My then-girlfriend once described the scenario: “you were withering away – literally disappearing before my eyes, gaunt with transparent skin. I’d be on the way home from work and my stomach would sink, as my thoughts reminded me ‘now is when the work begins.'”

I was difficult to live with, and would erupt in a fit of rage or emotional outburst at the drop of a hat. Through the therapy, I have learned about the undercurrents and issues motivating my misery, anger and illness. I have freed myself from so much, and feel more myself than I have ever felt in my life. Truly, the motto of this therapy is “Know Thyself.”

At one point, I thought I was attracted to women sexually. I was in a relationship with a wonderfully supportive and loving female partner, yet was absolutely miserable, causing me to constantly second-guess myself. If you’ve got a wonderful partner but are more miserable with each passing day, then WHAT IS GOING ON?! I’m so glad I asked this question, because I have figured out the answer.

The sexual confusion is now completely gone. I say this with complete confidence, because it is true in my soul. I have a liberated feeling when I think about sexuality. I am no longer confined to the feeling of, “I am so unsure and it’s making me sorrowful.” When I look back, I can barely believe that was even me. Indeed, it wasn’t truly me…it was the scared, confused, sexually aroused little girl who was abused and mistook that for love and safety.

In allowing my subconscious/soul to express itself, I have tasted true freedom. I am in the baby stages of a relationship with a man I care for, and am pursuing the relationship with excitement and butterflies in my stomach. I am experiencing the freedom to explore feelings for someone without fear, doubt, or self-hatred. That was MY reality at one point, and is no longer.



In addition to this huge psychological weight lifted off my life, I have also healed from other ailments, including: allergy symptoms, migraine headaches, insomnia, depression, and keratoconus (still working on this one, as it’s very deep-rooted).

I can only continue to look forward to healing and becoming more and more ME! Truly free. By allowing the physical and psychological ailments within me to die, I have become a freedom fighter -of sorts- allowing my soul to take flight and soar.


If you are struggling with feeling desolate, or estranged from life because you feel confused about your sexuality, unhappy about your sexuality, or if you suffer from having been sexually abused as a child, or if you suffer from any problem at all. You can free yourself.

Email Alethea for the contact information for Dr. De Saint Simone, or visit her website to learn more:


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Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse by Woman Running County Home Shares Her Remarkable Story of Healing

When I first began to heal from Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), Shingles, heart problems, urinary problems, IBS, nightmares, severe depression, breathing problems, dizziness, chronic sore throats, pain all over my body, headaches, insomnia, neurological problems, and a long list of other physical and psychological problems… I knew I wanted to help others heal their suffering.

Alethea Spring of 2014.. 15 years ago I was too sick to go for a hike.

Alethea Spring of 2014..
15 years ago I was too sick to go for a hike.

When I read the testimony given to me by Renee (below), I thank God for the opportunity to help others, in spite of what my biological people think of me or what I am doing.

Every time someone whom I referred to my therapist -especially a stranger to me- tells me how wonderful they are doing, and about all the healthy changes in their life, and how much they have overcome because of the therapy, I am beyond gratitude and joy.

One of the women who found my therapist through this Blog has written testimony that she wants to share with my readers:

“I found Evil Sits at the Dinner Table unintentionally while I was looking for information on another subject.

My curiosity was sparked when I realized that the subject matter was child sexual abuse.

As I read the articles, I realized that I related to lots of the “symptoms” that you said that you had been healed from.

I had suffered from a lifetime of PTSD, night terrors, waking myself up from screaming in my sleep from nightmares that I could not remember, fear of falling asleep, fear of being abducted, fatigue, food issues, severe sinus infections, sinus pain, ear aches, crying spells, emotional triggers, anxiety, shingles, and pop up memories in my brain that I didn’t understand, depression, and an overall feeling of brokenness in my feminine soul.

I was impressed by the integrity and truthfulness of your blog in spite of the “ugly topic” and had connected with a lot of the information and facts written in your articles. There were too many things that I could relate to that I couldn’t ignore. I read most of your articles before I decided to respond on your blog.

I decided that I would call Dr. Ysatis de Saint-Simone and begin hypno-therapy to find out what happened in my past that triggered all my misery.

It didn’t take long before I found the words to verbalize and acknowledge that I had been taken into custody at age nine and placed into a County Home. It was there where I was sexually abused by the night matron. I related it to two matrons when they asked me what I did with my underwear. What I “earned” for my truthfulness was a surprise. I was called a liar and trouble-maker. I was told that I would receive punishment for my lying.

I was stripped of my clothing and put into solitary confinement. I was denied food. I experienced terror and had no comfort. I fainted from fear of those matrons and a lack of nourishment. Whatever they used to revive me burned my sinus cavities and hurt severely. When they forced food down my throat, I threw it up and collapsed at the table. There was a cover up of what had happened to me and I feared talking about any of it.

The therapy allowed me to “unload” those horrific memories and place the pain and shame where it belonged on the perpetrators.

The healing of my sinus cavities was immediate and I am still problem free. The re-curing nightmares stopped.

The insomnia has stopped.

The ear aches are gone.

I do not see brokenness in my face anymore when I look into the mirror.

The pop-ups are gone and now I understand why they were there and what they meant to me.

My anxiety has been replaced with energy and an overall feeling of peace. I have clarity and understanding where there was mystery and obscurity before.

The most important thing that I believe that has happened to me is that my life-long struggle with depression, and self-pity are gone.

I know the truth about what happened to me at age nine that caused me so much misery, confusion, and oppression for most of my life.

All my “symptoms” were the normal responses of a neglected, abused nine- year old girl who had no power to stop her abusers.

It wasn’t “past life karma” like some “Psychic” once told me. It was childhood sexual abuse that had traumatized me, so I had “dissociated” from it. It was just as you had described on your blog.

Also, as the “baggage and crap” was removed from my sub-conscious mind, my body has started to respond in a way that I hadn’t expected.

I have been shedding excess pounds without much effort as my energy level has increased. I felt so good that I went on a wilderness hike in the Great Smokey Mountains in a secluded area called the Catalooche Valley. I took my granddaughter with me to view the elk and their calves. I outlasted my young granddaughter this time. She is the one who usually outlasts me in trail hiking through the woodlands.

Many people have told me that “drugs are cheaper than therapy” but I did not want to become drug dependent as the drugs couldn’t cure what ailed me. All they could give me would be temporary relief, not a cure.

I am drug free as I am not dependent of any medications, which is rare for people my age.

Thank you, Alethea for telling me about Dr. Ysatis de Saint-Simone and her amazing therapy. My life has been enriched by you and her.”


You are so very welcome Renee, and thank you for being a very brave soul and for enduring such a horrific childhood. Thank you for surviving so you could live to tell your story and help others. ~Alethea


More about Renee’s and my therapist:

More on my healing:

Further testimony:

Further reading:


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Women Who Commit Sex Crimes Against Children Are Guilty of Serious Crimes Against Nature

A comment has come in to my Blog that confounds me.

The comment is a reply to the article about Grace, who suffered from sexual identity issues, anger, depression and other serious emotional problems because her sister sexually abused her as a child.

The comment comes from “Kitt,” who writes:

“What I do not get is why there was a need to shed light on molestations from a female, instead of focusing on the real culprit, men.”

My question for Kitt would be, Why is there not more people talking about it?” “Why are people not exposing women for sometimes being just as sexually degenerate as men?”

Not all women are victims, and not all men perpetrate sex crimes.

Why would anyone want to suppress a very serious, threatening, and common problem that affects untold numbers of children, and a crime that severely affects them later in life?

Why would anyone want to silence people like Grace -or myself for that matter- people who were once victims of child sexual abuse perpetrated by an adult female?

Is it because they think female-female child sexual abuse does not harm the child? Is it because they want to defend all women –even the criminals?

Kitt needs to read my article on the very serious and life-altering after-affects of child sexual abuse perpetrated by a woman, and why women are often more morally corrupt in their sex crimes than men are.

Do people think that because a child is not raped with a man’s penis that the child suffers less?

If anything, women who sexually abuse children should be exposed more than men who do.

Women sexually abuse male children and female children, and they sexually abuse children from infancy to their teenage years. These women are no better than men. If anything, their crimes are worse BECAUSE they are a woman.

Melissa Huckaby, lured, kidnapped, molested, and used a foreign object to rape 8 year-old Sandra Cantu --her daughter's friend. She then killed her, and stuffed her body in a suitcase

Melissa Huckaby, lured, kidnapped, molested, and used a foreign object to rape 8 year-old Sandra Cantu –her daughter’s friend. She then killed her, and stuffed her body in a suitcase

Both men and women use violence against their own children. Both genders commit heinous crimes against children, and both sexes force sex crimes on children. Both sexes use death threats, and both sexes silence children with fear and instructions to keep it a secret.

Women willfully ignore male-female child rape going on in the home, and women also commit child rape with their hands, tongues, and sometimes with objects, or they dry hump children. Women can be vile and disgusting human beings and can be sociopaths and child murderers.

Once a woman sexually abuses a child, she becomes a perpetrator, and I don’t care if she was sexually abused herself, she becomes a hypocrite and an abuser when she sexually harms an innocent.

Furthermore, when a woman sexually violates a female child, she can create serious disturbances in the child’s mind and body —disturbances that can create sexual confusion and sexual identity problems when the child grows older.

Same sex child sexual abuse can cause the victim to explore homosexuality, or to actually become a homosexual, when they were not inherently gay.

This is a very serious crime against a person’s soul. It robs them of truly free sexual expression and healthy sexual relationships. THAT is a crime against nature itself.

Contrary to what the public wants to believe, the majority of female sexual offenders are not mentally ill. They might have depression or personality disorders, but most female sexual offenders are employed in professional jobs, look perfectly normal, go to church, and show no outward signs of sexual deviation. Their victims can be both boys and girls, but they abuse female children more often than male children.

Female sex offenders are sometimes coerced by a male authority in the family, or by a boyfriend. These women are usually dependent on the man, fear losing him, and have a history of having been abused as a child. In addition, just like men who abuse the daughter of their girlfriend or wife, sometimes a mother’s lesbian lover victimizes her partner’s child.

In cases where a woman acts alone in sexually abusing a child, she was usually the victim of incestuous abuse herself, and deviant sexual fantasies are common among these women. They usually abuse their own children or other young children within their own family.

Mothers sometimes force oral sex on their daughter or force the daughter to perform oral sex on her mother. To the victim, this can be the same as being raped by a man.

Some women begin their descent into deviancy by not protecting their child from their husband or boyfriend, and then escalate into helping the abuser rape their daughter. Eventually, the mother can be stimulated by -or sometimes forced into- joining in on the molestation.

In some cases, a mother might become aroused by the thought of sex with a child because of her own experience with having been sexually abused. Through repetition, the human mind can be trained into what is stimulating.

“I want to have sex with your daughter.”

–Barbara Hazel married Bobby Hazel immediately after he was released from prison. Barabara said that Bobby represented someone who would take care of her and protect her.

When Barbara’s daughter Crystal was seven years old, Barbara Hazel asked her husband what he wanted for his birthday. He replied, “I want to have sex with your daughter.” Barbara agreed, and she and her husband both began sexually abusing her daughter.

At first the sexual acts took place when it was the three of them. There was touching, oral sex, kissing, and photos were taken of Barbara having sex with her daughter. Barbara even admitted to liking sex with a little girl. She said it turned her on.

Eventually Barbara began to feel disgusted about the incest, but it continued for several years and grew worse.

Crystal was ultimately left alone with her stepfather. He then raped and sodomized her.

In 1987, Barbara and Bobby Hazel were apprehended and Crystal became the star witness for the prosecution. Bobby Hazel was given forty-four years in prison and Barbara Hazel was sentenced to thirty-three years.

In order to break from the past, Crystal changed her name and says of the abuse:

“It tore my whole world apart, because no matter what she would ever do, I loved her, she was my mom.” 1

Sandra Cantu, Innocent Victim

Sandra Cantu, Innocent Victim

I dare anyone to tell Crystal she should not speak about her mother sexually abusing her, and should instead focus on men who abuse.

I dare anyone to tell the parents of Sandra Cantu that what happened to her was tragic, but that Sandra’s memory should not be tainted by talking about the fact that a woman raped and murdered her.


1. The Ultimate Betrayal MSNBC Investigates 2001

Thank you to “Kitt” for inspiring me to write this much-needed article.

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