You Can Flush My Letter Down the Toilet But You Can’t Flush the Truth

This letter was published a number of years ago, but at that time, I had not sent the letter. This has since changed. In July of 2013, I sent this letter:

Dear XXX,

A few years ago, I asked XXX and XXX how you are doing. I wondered if you ever ask about me, or if you continue to pretend that I do not exist. They replied that as far as you are concerned, you are the youngest sibling.

I am writing to tell you that, in spite of your desire to erase me from your mind and life, I do exist. I am a living, breathing human being, and no matter how much you would like that to not be true, you cannot lie to yourself inside. You cannot ignore the truth that is within you. I exist in your mind and the very fact that you try to pretend your younger sister is dead should show you that you have a serious problem inside yourself.

You have hated me and treated me badly most of my life. You might want to check yourself out to examine where that hatred stems from. I have liberated myself from having been sexually abused, and thus, freed myself from any need I used to have for you to like me, or to merely treat me well.


When I dared to break the family silence, you wrote to me that I have a malignant brain, but you ought to look yourself in the mirror. You tried to psychologically annihilate me, and that was vicious and unjustified. You told me that if I wrote to you again that you would flush my letter down the toilet, “a proper receptacle for your crap,” is how you put it.

That’s fine with me. That is your right to do so. But it is my right to express myself about the violation that I suffered as a child. A crime was committed against me and I had a right to speak about it.

Your behavior is why child sexual abuse continues. Those who try and silence family members by calling them names, by trying to demean them, and by using threats against them gives child abusers the message that no one will believe the victim, and that the victim, or adult survivor, will be ostracized for speaking out.

Go ahead and flush this letter down your toilet because you can’t flush the truth and won’t stop me from speaking it.

Pretending that I do not share this planet with you will not stop my book from existing, nor will it stop me from getting my book into the hands of other survivors of child sexual abuse. I intend on helping people, even if you don’t want to help yourself.

I want you to know that your hatred no longer affects me. I free myself of your rage, and with this letter, I release myself of any power you previously held over me. I was not to blame for the incest, and will not accept any blame for exposing it. My guilt dies with you, our father, and anyone else in the family who has ever made me feel badly for talking about what happened to me as a child.

Sincerely, Alethea


This entry was posted in child molestation, child sexual abuse, Denial, dissociative amnesia, false memory syndrome, rape and abuse, repressed memory. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to You Can Flush My Letter Down the Toilet But You Can’t Flush the Truth

  1. Alethea says:

    There is an update on this post. I sent this letter in July of 2013.

  2. Thanks for sharing this letter. It inspires me to do the same. I have two sisters pretending I don’t exist. One younger sister, who like yours bullied me, stole from me and lies about me to any who listen, she has no empathy or care of anyone who can’t do something for her.
    The other is spoiled rotten, sardonic, spoiled, and will stick to the fantasy relinquishing all family ties so it won’t appear she could be screwed up in any way. She’s the child of the monster and refuses to have a relationship since knowing I wasn’t going to play family anymore.
    The youngest I fervently protected only to learn last year, that he had no intention of violating “his daughter” and I had wasted my time “protecting” her, it wasn’t necessary. All those years I had given up on having a childhood to be the parents we didn’t have and now she has nothing to do with me. In my heart, she is not a Christian as she claims, it is to me, all part of her false life.

  3. Kay says:

    I’m impressed by this letter – while you got your emotions and points across quite clearly – you didn’t allow it to turn into something hateful. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write my own letter one day. Just not today 🙂

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