Reader Thinks I Have “False Memories” Because Incest Memories Are “Trendy”

I love it when the readers who don’t like me, or my articles, give me material to use in a full Blog post:

Your site it merely a copy of the Nancy Grace show!! Are you kidding me!? It is not like you are a victim’s rights advocate, and providing this wonderful service to help people who are being abused. There are people in the world who are saving women and children from abuse and oftentimes putting themselves in great danger to do so. These are the real Heroes – not some mentally unstable woman who thinks that reading article after article of tragedy brings inner peace and helps victims, and who is constantly fighting with her so called “readers.” I am sure Elizabeth Smart would receive “comfort” from reading the nice little numbers you did on her. There is a subconscious reason why you hate Elizabeth Smart so much. It is probably because she is someone who really did experience TRUE sexual abuse and was able to move on with her life. Now she lives the life of privilege that she was born into.

You totally contradict yourself too. You claim that you “enjoyed” having sex with your father. People do not repress “enjoyable” memories. You are the typical case story of one of all of the women in the 90′s who developed “false memories” because it was the “trend.” You fit the personality profile to a T. “The people who develop false memories are usually highly intelligent and sensitive women.” -Psychology Today.

You were probably a spoiled, self-entitled child who felt that she deserved more than her middle class parents could give her. There was probably some degree of abuse from you parents, but it was not sexual and it was not as you “remember.”

You are highly intelligent and in order to find a purpose or a meaning in your life, on a subconscious level you developed false memories of incest. You now view yourself as a victim’s crusader and your life is defined by focusing on child abuse and incest cases. How sad that this is what brings you peace. You are the one who needs to GET A REAL LIFE and stop trying to keep other vulnerable people in a depressed state. ~Ms. Understood

Dear Ms. Understood,

I have never pretended to be a hero.

None of my opinions about Elizabeth Smart were ever meant to bring her comfort, and were written because she is of little comfort to many survivors of abuse who dislike her and her family’s comments about the effects of trauma and rape. If she is as healed and healthy as you think she is, and as she says she is, then her reading my articles would cause her to merely wave her hand at me as someone who doesn’t know what I am talking about. She wouldn’t take it personally or be affected at all.

You think I hate Elizabeth Smart, but that is your own personal conclusion. I don’t hate anyone. I hate some of her comments and attitude, but I have no feelings of hatred for her. Anger and hatred are not synonymous.

If you had any knowledge at all about Dissociative Amnesia, you would know that shame and guilt are a very large part of why some people repress the abuse in the first place. You would also know that the memories of having enjoyed some of the abuse come long after a person has recalled the incest. The subconscious mind gives a person what they can handle when they can handle it. Guilt and shame over having enjoyed sex with one’s father are seriously strong emotions —strong enough to stay suppressed until a person is strong enough to deal with them.

When a person experiences trauma, they usually repress everything connected to the trauma, thus, they suppress the fact that they took pleasure in some of the incest or that they enjoyed some of the attention their father gave them. Your accusations of me tell me that you have not even read my story. I sought therapy because I was sick with a debilitating disease that no medical doctor could treat or cure, and because of severe psychological problems. I had not even heard of repressed memory until after I experienced it myself. So you might want to check your facts before making your feeble attempts at insulting me.

Let me inform you of something “Ms. Understood” there is nothing “trendy” about having a disease that makes a person bed-ridden, and causes them pain and suffering that you hope and pray you never experience. There is nothing “trendy” about Shingles, or urinary problems, or heart problems, or chest pains, or social anxiety, or fear that is life-altering, or severe headaches, MRI exams, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Tachycardia, Dyspepsia, or being unable to breath properly. There is nothing trendy about nightmares and panic attacks, or the countless other problems that I had prior to remembering the abuse by my father, –symptoms that I don’t have anymore. There is nothing trendy about telling your family what you have remembered and being called horrible names by people who you thought loved you, being  ostracized by them and cut out of the family by two sisters.

You don’t affect me “Ms. Understood.” I don’t give two hoots if you think I was sexually abused or not. I have been to hell and back from what I went through, so your silly, ignorant, unaware opinion of me is meaningless. You are also a hypocrite because you are doing exactly what you accuse me of doing to Elizabeth Smart.

As I said before, if someone gets depressed reading my Blog, then there is something inside themselves that needs to be looked at and changed. Peace comes from within.

You keep telling people in one way or another ‘to get a life,’ but being that you can’t stand my blog, and you keep coming back, tells me that maybe it is you who needs to find some meaning in your life? Maybe some inner reflection is needed on your part?

Anyway, thanks for allowing me to bring up the topic of repression with regards to shame and guilt. It is a needed subject. Many people don’t understand about repressed memories, or that many victims enjoy the sexual aspect of child abuse.

Peace,

Alethea

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22 Responses to Reader Thinks I Have “False Memories” Because Incest Memories Are “Trendy”

  1. Alethea says:

    Ms. Understood,

    I have finally read the comment that you made yesterday (the one that is very long).

    I have decided that there is indeed something wrong with you, and I won’t be posting your comments anymore. You can call it “censorship” but you have only yourself to blame.

    So that my readers understand why I am doing this, here are the highlights of your comment:

    “You were probably very close to your father when he died. You probably subconsciously hated him for dying and leaving you. Your mother was probably an abusive BITCH. This is why you had an “intense hatred for women” at one point.”

    “You finally had a purpose in life- albeit a sick one. I would be willing to bet you still have a relationship with this woman [my therapist]. The sad thing is that this woman brainwashed you. This is EVIL.”

    “your mental state is like on who is in a cult.”

    “You perpetuate lies to fill you sick need and purpose in life. You also care nothing about people. If you did, and you considered my words, “evil” then YOU WOULD NEVER LET ME POST ON YOUR SITE. You would censor every one of my posts, and not allow me to upset your “readers.” You care about nothing but your narcissistic self and offer no real HOPE to anyone. Your purpose is to keep your “readers” focused on the same sick stories you obsess over.”

    “These are the facts, Alethea, and they come from the actual “researchers” not some nutcase therapist with an ulterior motive. I could give you an enormous list of Harvard, Stanford, etc. researchers and mental health professionals who also dispute retrieved memories. I am sure it would do no good though, because your sick mind would just consider them part of the “CONSPIRACY” …”

    “Grieve the death of your father, reconcile with your sisters, and GET THE REAL HELP THAT YOU NEED!!!!! STOP misleading vulnerable individuals.”

    You have no idea about my family, my father’s death, or about my mother. You have done here EXACTLY what you protest against so vehemently. You are no better than the “wacko” therapists out there.

    For the record, I didn’t “call you names,” I said you might be a child abuser, or proponent for the FMS. I still think this may indeed be true.

    As far as my offering hope, my books will do that. My books do offer hope. But since I have wasted so much time with your comments, I have not been able to finish editing them and get them uploaded.

    I am very sorry for you because you are filled with rage, hatred, and ignorance. May the peace of Christ enlighten you one day. I hope you find a way to help yourself.

    Goodbye.

  2. Ms Understood, I “understand” that you didn’t answer my question. If you are so unhappy with what is said here by Alethea on “her” blog, not your blog by the way, why are you here? Everything you say here is negative and a put down to Alethea. You aren’t spreading any hope around here either. You are intent upon aruguing. You aren’t “helping” anyone. Why raise your blood pressure with all that anger when you can go somewhere else and find people who agree with you. Isn’t that what you want, everyone to agree with you. You won’t find that here. All that anger and unhappiness that you feel by being here can give you ulcers, arthritis and even cancer. Why put yourself through it? You aren’t changing anything here.

  3. Ms Understood, why are you here? It isn’t to help anyone else. All you bring to the table is anger and hatred and chaos.

    As a seasoned incest survivor with many years in recovery programs and a healthy self-confidence, belief and respect for myself, your words aren’t hurtful. To a new person who has just started working on their incest issues, you could do much damage. If you have any humanity in you, please stop. You aren’t here trying to help anyone. You are here solely to argue. If you are that angry, take a look at why and get some help. That much anger isn’t good for your state of mind or health. If you don’t like what you are reading here, you can stop. No one is making you read it. It is your choice.

    Awareness of child abuse is the only way to stop it. That is why Alethea and many other survivors are beginning to speak up and share not only their stories but also news headlines like Alethea posts here. She isn’t making these up. This stuff is really happening. Yes, it is depressing but if we continue to ignore it and do nothing, the abuse continues. Thank you Alethea for what you do.

    • Alethea says:

      Thank you Patricia, what a well-thought out message.

      I always think of the people who have just begun to heal, or those who have remembered, previously repressed child abuse, and are still vulnerable to the thoughtless people out there who think that being informed means reading Psychology Today or doing a Google search for repressed memories. And there are those like M.U. who I think might be a child sexual abuser or a FMS advocate.

      Awareness is key, and my articles are posted for the following reasons:

      *To break the denial system of apple pie America
      *To get people to take action (sometimes a judge needs to be written to, or a journalist needs to be informed of an error in their article, or a victim just needs support).
      *To enable discussion and commentary on vital topics
      *To help victims and survivors to not feel alone in their experiences –experiences that sometimes were so horrific or hard to believe, that they feel as if they were the only one.

    • Ms.Understood says:

      Patricia:

      I know that these things really occur. I have watched the Nancy Grace show. My point is that Alethea is offering no HOPE to anyone. I have never read anywhere on her site where she has encouraged people to take action or even provided an avenue to do so. If she has, then it is a rare occasion. All she is doing is reporting horror story after horror story and then having the nerve to tell people “it is going to get worse.” IF THIS IS HELPING PEOPLE I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT HINDERING THEM WOULD BE. This is totally negative. What don’t you understand?

      Ms.Understood

      • Alethea says:

        M.U.,

        A few times, I have posted addresses and emails to take action. But I do not have the time to do it on most posts. It is not my job to tell people what to do. I always hope that, like me, people will take action on their own by doing an Internet search to locate the name and number of where to write a judge or prosecutor.

        People have to take the initiative to take action. I can’t baby people and take them by the hand and tell them what to do. When I see an article or story somewhere that inspires me to take action, I take in upon myself to look up the address, email etc. I don’t rely on others to do the work for me.

        I put the story out there. I don’t have time to do all the work for others. I do what I can with the limited time we have on earth.

  4. When I first remembered the memory of me calling myself an adultress at age 3, it really bothered me. I asked what could be so much worse than the 6 years of memories that I do have? After sitting with those thoughts and feelings for awhile, I realized that I was 11-17 at the time that the memories happened that I do have. I realized that what an 11+ year old can handle emotionally, a child of 1, 2, or 3 might not be able to handle. An 11 year old has more tools than a 3 year old. The abuse didn’t have to be any worse than the memories that I already have. The 3 year old mind may not be able to handle all of the the emotional stuff that an 11 or 17 year old can. That idea made a difference in how I felt.

    • Alethea says:

      Great points Patricia. One might think that being raped by their father, or a mother who did nothing to stop incest are the worst memories that one can block out, but it is often the emotionally devastating memories that come later in the healing process. That’s how it worked for me.

  5. Alethea says:

    You’re right Serieve, if memory number two is a “good” memory (I don’t consider an orgasm with your perpetrator a “good” memory), then memories number one and three will also be repressed if memories number one and three are traumatic or based in deep betrayal etc.

    I have NO good memories of childhood. NONE. I had no memories of childhood at all for the ages of 1-12. Even after 12 is pretty hazy, but after remembering the incest, I realized why I did not have any good memories. I blocked everything from ages 1-12, and my father died at 12.

    There had to have been some good times with my family when I was a child, I just don’t remember it because the good would always end, and turn horrific, shameful, traumatic, or terrifying. Thus, all my good memories are gone too.

    “If Alethea does keep people in a depressed state, they can easily choose not to visit her side.”

    People keep themselves in a depressive state by their choices and their Subconscious mind. I have no control over their choices, their subconscious, or their level of mental health. Truly balanced, healthy people can read something sad or horrible and not be affected by it to a degree that it makes them depressed. They might cry over a sad story, or feel emotional, but if they allow their emotions to affect their body and mind, then they are in trouble.

    It is our reactions to life that causes our suffering, not life itself, or the person telling a horrific story.

  6. Ms. Understood says:

    Like I said the before, although I am not an expert, I am going to trust the VAST majority of medical experts who have concluded that the ability to recall complete memories from childhood is impossible, based on tons of REPUTABLE research, and physiological evidence. The SCIENTIFIC research is out there all you have to do is read it.

    Alethea, You are the one who said you lost your sisters over all of this, not me. And like I said before, I have failed to see you message of HOPE. All I see is report after report of horrendous crimes, ans someone who tells her readers that it is “going to get worse.” This is not hope and encouragement. This is not what true victims of abuse need to hear and dwell upon!

    All of you ladies who are claiming to have retrieved memories from childhood during hypnotherapy need to get the real professional help that you need so that you can live lives that are not constantly focused on abuse.

    • Alethea says:

      You are right “Ms. Understood” you are NO EXPERT and getting your information from a few websites on the Internet, or from “Psychology Today” shows your ignorance.

      There is NO scientific research to prove “False Memory Syndrome” so where you get your info. is causing you to spread lies. And the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists Dissociative Amnesia as a valid diagnosis. This is the book used by all professionals. Most professionals agree with the fact that total repression exists and has been shown to happen in up to ten percent of victims.

      When you spread your uninformed opinion about repression you help perpetuate disbelief of victims and survivors of child sexual abuse.

      I am going to say this, and will not apologize for it: You have posted several comments that make me feel that you are possibly a pedophile or child sexual abuser. Many times predators troll the internet to do exactly what you do and say. They mock and try to demean people who have, at one time, repressed incest or child sexual abuse. They ignore all the evidence that exists on repression being very real. They scoff at people’s history of abuse and physical problems relating to it. They say the family is the victim and the therapist is nothing but a quack. You fit the bill. So, I am going to have to wonder if you are a child sexual predator. If nothing else, you are an active proponent for the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, because they always say, “you should return to your family, they love you, they are the most important thing in life.”

      Even if you are not, your ignorance perpetuates evil.

  7. little nel says:

    Alethea,
    I loved your rebuttal to Ms. Understood! Your are right that it is not “trendy” to suffer the physical, emotional, and mental symptoms of childhood sexual abuse in adulthood. Most of us have suffered rejection from our families and friends because we disclosed our “pain and shame” privately and openly.
    I was told, “Go ahead and tell. You won’t be believed. It’s your word against mine and I am more respected in the community than you”.
    My father was a man who wanted to have sex with his 13 year old step-daughter and me, age 13, at the same time. I was told by my father that if I did not “consent” to this demand that I would be “killed”.
    It takes a lot of courage for us to find healing and recovery.
    Little Nel

    • Alethea says:

      Hi Little Nel. I was told that if I tell anyone, I would be killed. My father did this with a knife to my throat. This is the main factor in my having repressed everything.

      I also have a memory of my father saying “Do what I say or I’ll kill you.” So it’s possible that he used threats for things other than just my telling anyone.

      I am so sorry for what happened to you. What your father did was so degenerate. I am sorry for how that must have affected you.

      Alethea

  8. Ms. Understood says:

    Alethea:

    I only commented on your web site 3x. One of them was by accident, because I thought my post had been wiped out. I accidentally hit a key which kicked me off the page, and it said everything I had written was probably lost, so I had to rewrite my post- obviously it had gone through already, but I was unaware. I hardly think THREE visits constitutes me as a person who keeps coming back to your site. It is not as though I have been corresponding with you for months.

    As far as me being Clark Kent:

    Seriously??………………………………

    This is laughable. He is as bad as you are. Totally negative. You never did answer my question: What HOPE do you give people along with the idea that the human race is descending into an abyss?????? I’m scared.

    In regard to Patricia’s comment (I don’t feel like commenting twice): I hate to tell you this, but the general consensus in the medical field (among the vast majority of reputable Psychiatrists and MD’s) is that it is impossible for the human mind to store complete memories from childhood. There have been many studies done which support this fact. The human brain is only capable of storing fragmented memories. I am not an expert, but I have taken some Psych, and I learned about this epidemic that occurred in the 90’s. There was a “trend” in the 90’s when a bunch of nutcase therapists starting discovering “repressed memories” in their very intelligent female patients.I did not use the word “trend” to be sarcastic. It WAS a trend. I believe some of these therapists went to prison after having been found guilty of implanting these memories. They ruined a lot of lives. It is really pathetic.

    I had a feeling that Alethea probably had siblings who contradict her claims. It is very sad that she is most likely the victim of a nutcase and her mind has been so screwed with that she has lost what could have brought real meaning to her life- family. It is really quite sad for all of the people who’s lives were ruined by nutcase therapists.

    Alethea, I do hope you get the help you need and that at some point you are able to reconcile with your family. You are so young and your life should not be centered around atrocities. There is nothing wrong with listening to the news, but when horrible crimes are what you dwell on and it defines you and is your entire purpose in life – this is just sad.

    Ms. Understood

    • Alethea says:

      Dear Ms. Understood,

      Did I say my sisters deny my memories? No I didn’t. People have many different reactions to the truth of incest coming out. Sometimes they lash out and cut people off, it doesn’t mean they deny the incest took place.

      As far as my bio family being “real meaning” in my life. You don’t know my family lady. You have no idea of the dysfunction and lack of love that has existed long before I ever remembered what happened to me. You have NO IDEA what the hell you are talking about.

      And my “Nutcase” therapist saved my life. Without her form of therapy, and my will to live and to be free, I would be dead, on drugs, divorced, or in a mental hospital.

      And as far as your “knowledge” about repression. You have no depth of understanding, and have done no research. You are absolutely wrong about Dissociative Amnesia. Stop spreading your ignorance. Inform yourself about the massive amount of research and documented cases, including some with abuser confessions.

      You have no right to spread your uneducated and uninformed opinion about Dissociative Amnesia, because when you do, you spread lies and help the child sexual abusers.

    • Alethea says:

      One more thing: I get real meaning in my life from the absolute beauty of the nature that I am fortunate enough to live in. I get real meaning from the animals, nature, and my pets. I get it from my devoted husband, and from my good friends. I get it from helping strangers, while many people only help their biological families because they are blood-related.

      I also get real meaning from finishing and editing my books which were written to help other survivors of trauma and child sexual abuse. I could have walked away from my books years ago and draped myself in feel-good subjects. I chose instead to make myself uncomfortable, to suffer physical symptoms because of the abuse being brought up again when I wrote each chapter. I chose to do this so that I could HELP others. THAT is what real love is. Love and real meaning is Not self-comfort and feel-good topics. I chose to go beyond mySELF and finish my books so that those who went through what I did, and who suffered the same kind of terrible symptoms, might find some comfort, or help.

    • little nel says:

      Dear Ms. Understood,
      What could have brought real meaning to her life- the family? Our families did have “real meaning” for us. What we did not like was the forced sexual abuse, so we had to find our answers and healing outside the “family” who pressured us to keep the secrets. Our secrets keep us locked into being “a victim of a nutcase” because we were innocent children when we were abused and had no power to stop it. Yes, our families give us “real meaning” in life. We kept our love of family and discarded the pain and shame.
      Do you have a problem with that?
      Little Nel

    • Lacee says:

      Ms. Understood, Alethea said in an earlier post that she was abused by her father until the age of 11 or 12, when her father died. 11 or 12 is old enough to understand what abuse is & an 11/12 year old is old enough to remember being abused without repressing anything. Unless you know Althea personally, you have no right to come here & imply that she’s a “nutcase” with a screwed-up mind, or that she’s lying.

      • Alethea says:

        Hey Lacee. Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your support.

        Actually, even when one turns 12, they can keep repressing sexual abuse if they had already been doing so. They don’t suddenly gain their memory at age 12 if abuse continues. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but I wanted to make that understood. It’s like Marilyn Van Derbur, the former Miss America, who totally blocked that she was abused and raped by her father from ages 5-18 –She didn’t remember the incest until she was in her twenties.

        Repression has more to do with trauma than age.

        Peace, and thanks!
        Alethea

  9. No one that I know would willingly go through the pain of incest and its struggle to recover if it didn’t happen to them. Believe me when I say the attention that you get being an incest survivor isn’t worth making it up. I have 6 years of memories of incest that I have had since experiencing it starting at the age of 11. I don’t have memories of incest happening any sooner than that. I do have a very clear memory of me sitting in church when I was 3 years old and hearing the minister talk about adultry and labeling myself as adultress. That tells me there are things that I don’t remember. One day if I do remember them, which will only happen when my mind feels safe enough to deal with the memories, is someone going to tell me that just because it is trendy I made it up? Just the idea of that possibly happening makes me so angry. I can understand how you feel, Alethea.

    • Alethea says:

      Patricia, your anger is justified. This is why I become angry with people like Ms. Understood; not because she/he tries to insult and demean me personally, no. I can handle that with a feather. But when she/he tries to spread the idea that repression isn’t real, and used to get in on a trend, then she or he is going down a very dangerous road. This road leads children to not be believed, adult survivors to not be believed, it shields perps, and aids in the denial system of the mainstream Americans who prefer to believe the “false memory” theory over the fact that so many men (and sometimes women) are having sex with their kids.

      Ms. Understood’s ignorance perpetuates evil.

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