Taboo Subjects: Children Often Experience Pleasure While Being Sexually Abused; Including Orgasms

I experienced countless physical symptoms from being sexually abused as a child, but many of the most serious, were based in the guilt from sexual pleasure that I often felt with my abusers. I still think that much of society does not know about, or does not want to know about the high number of children who enjoy the sexual aspect of the abuse, especially when the victim was very young at the time of the abuse.

Sex crimes investigator, Rod Norland, said the worst part of his investigations into child pornography, was witnessing the children who looked as if they were enjoying the acts.

Retired FBI agent, Ken Lanning, has made some pretty bold statements about children being sexually abused. The anti-child pornography unit in Baltimore is called, “Innocent Images,” but Lanning feels this is a misnomer. Lanning believes that the name aids society’s denial system about children taking pleasure in being sexually abused. Lanning goes even further by stating that it is a misconception for the public to see children “as wholly innocent creatures.”

During a seminar on child pornography, Lanning also stated: “The idealization of children denies the humanity of children. We think of them as little angels. It makes us feel warm and fuzzy. So when we find children who have the nerve to behave like human beings, we hold it against them.”

I don’t think most people “hold it against” the child when they have a good experience with being touched or fondled, or for some, while having sexual intercourse with an adult. There are certainly twisted individuals who blame the child. Many mothers blame their daughters and call them sexual aggressors, my own mother included. But reasonable people don’t blame the child –that is, once they allow themselves to hear the truth. The real task is getting society to know about the amount of pleasure that kids have with their perpetrators. Society continues to be shocked every time they hear about a child having had fun with their abuser, sexual enjoyment, or even orgasms.

In each new case, people figuratively put their fingers in their ears and say, “I don’t want to hear about that, let’s move on.” They quickly change the subject to something they can handle. This allows their denial system to kick back in each time, so with each new instance, they are once again shocked. Most people don’t hold it against the child, but they also try to get the child or survivor to change the subject, or “let it go.” But that’s  about society’s self-comfort; not for the child to feel better.

Even many survivors themselves don’t want to know. Many people deny any enjoyment in the sexual abuse until much later in their healing process. It took me a couple of years in therapy to face that I sometimes liked having sex with my father –that I wanted it. When I finally remembered this aspect of the incest, it was one of the most wretched moments of my life. I clutched my stomach and lay in a ball of emotional pain. I wanted to die. I wailed; but not because of the memory itself, but because I knew it was true.

Most people don’t realize how serious the guilt can be for the victim. Many children grow with such rage at themselves for having enjoyed the sexual pleasure, that they self-mutilate, and or, deliberately cut themselves as teens or adults. Many of them cut their genitals in an effort to literally cut away the offending flesh.

For me, the physical manifestation of my guilt was headaches, migraine headaches, depression, acne on the inside of my upper thighs near my vagina, irregular heart beat, severe gas pains, chronic back pain, stomach aches, and my relationship with food was so severe that I am certain I would have been diagnosed with several eating disorders had I told doctors about my daily painful experiences with food.

Lanning, who spent 20 years with the Behavioral Science Unit at the FBI Academy in Virgina, says that most people have an idea of child pornography as a creepy predator who abuses sweet little children, but he says that most child porn cases are more complex than that. While the public perceives the typical victim of child porn as a sad little girl holding a teddy bear, Lanning said, “the more typical case is a 12-year-old boy with a smile on his face.”

I get what Lanning is trying to say, but he is wrong in the way he put it. Children are wholly innocent creatures. No matter what their body does, or how the attention, gifts, or being treated special makes them feel; children are 100% innocent.

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post-gazette.com

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20 Responses to Taboo Subjects: Children Often Experience Pleasure While Being Sexually Abused; Including Orgasms

  1. Alethea says:

    All of Jay’s comments have been removed. He is on restriction for commenting.

  2. Alethea says:

    Dear Jay,

    Yes, children are indeed people, human beings like the rest of us, except that children are ALWAYS innocent. They might not feel that way inside themselves, and many perpetrators try and blame the child, but children are innocent creatures. When they begin to reach ten or eleven, and maybe even younger, they can be ‘not so innocent’ when it comes to abusing other children. But when it comes to an adult making a choice based on what a child might project, or ask for, the child is innocent because they have no dimension of choice.

    Wishing that your mother would molest you as a young boy is not a bad thing, but if your mother decided to act on that request, or on any sexual aggression from you, then SHE becomes a perpetrator.

    I know many people have concluded that the main reason children grow to become disgusted with themselves for feeling sexual desire for and sexual satisfaction from an adult is because society conditions them to feel like they were abused, violated and/or raped. However, speaking from personal experience, this is not true in many cases. A child is not prepared to handle such an emotional relationship with an adult. In addition, a child knows instinctually that what is happening is not okay –especially when it is same-sex child sexual abuse. It goes against their nature, and they know it inside.

    And let me tell you, that being raped at age seven by my father, was traumatizing, painful, violent, and degrading. No one had to tell me that as an adult!

    Many overweight girls are NOT physically attractive, and many of them are so overweight that it is vulgar to look at. Adults, teens, and children who are extremely overweight all need to look at WHY they are overweight, and heal their compulsive need for food, or to heal their bad eating habits like junk food, meats, processed food, and GMOs.

    It is not normal for people to be overweight. It is not normal for a child to engage in sex. They are not emotionally capable to handle it, and just like food, someone needs to find out what the child is missing in their lives that they need to seek out sex.

    You are trying to make normal, what is NOT normal.

    Nature has a very simple way of telling human beings when things are not okay –not normal. Nature gives birth defects and other problems to children of fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, and brothers and sisters. Just like nature gives venereal diseases to people who have sex with too many different people.

    Your views lean too much towards the support of adult/child sex, and that is not okay with me. Better check yourself out, and really explore why you feel it is okay to engage in sex with a child if they ask for it.

    • Alethea says:

      Jay, I re-read my comment above, and know that I wrote it from a place of objective truth. If, after reading my comment carefully, you still think it’s okay for an adult to engage in sex with a child just because the child is asking for it, then I am forced to repeat myself…….

      Your views lean too much towards the support of adult/child sex, and that is not okay with me. Better check yourself out, and really explore why you feel it is okay to engage in sex with a child if they ask for it….

      and I would like to add: maybe you are a pedophile? Do you support pedophilia?

    • js says:

      Jay I believe you are on the wrong blog. This blog is not for pedophiles.

    • js says:

      Your comments to Jay are not stern enough for me. It is just my opinion but I stand by it. I prefer some of the authoritarian comments or type I read on the smart case. I am angry that this guy would take the time to visit a site for recovery from sexual abusers like him. His arrogancy is detestable! If it were my blog, I would block him! He has not right to be on this blog supporting the very thing I am in recover for…..child sexual abuse or rape.

      • Alethea says:

        Hi Js. I am an avid defender of freedom of speech, and because I was threatened with death as a child about speaking up, I am sensitive to allowing others to voice themselves. Sometimes people are crying out for help. I thought maybe Jay was doing this, but since he has not replied to my question about pedophilia, my guess is that he is a pedophile. It is hard to determine people’s intentions and heart with the little amount of info posted here in comments.

        • js says:

          Thanks for your response. I understand your intentions now. I just started recovery from sexual abuse…..I am more than a bit angry to know that I was sexually assaulted and have repressed memories that must come up and out. I am not currently feeling sensitive toward anyone who speaks about sexual abuse of a child. Your response is adequate. thank you.

    • mary says:

      The idea that it is ever okay under any circumstances for an adult to touch child ….. that is an abomination. Some things are just plain old black and white, wrong and right. Children need boundaries and they depend on adults to enforce and respect them. If a child desired to eat fast food all day everyday, does that make it okay for their parents or adults to feed them Big Macs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What if the parents and child FELT like there was nothing wrong with it? NO, because in doing so the parent would be HARMING the child and setting them up for a lifetime of obesity and physical suffering. (I hope this comparison doesn’t sound like I’m trivializing child-rape that is not my intention, I just couldnt think of any other way to illustrate it) but when an adult chooses to touch a child, they set them up for a lifetime of psychological, spiritual, sexual anguish and confusion, not to mention physical illness…. or sometimes they turn into these sociopathic child molesters as adults who honestly see nothing wrong with what theyre doing and justify it anyway they can…. adults who have nebulous moral boundaries because they label it as all subjective experience…… thus abusing a new wave of children and creating another generation of broken souls… and more and more the existence and even the concept of selfless love is completely lost on all levels because people think they can create their own rules….

    • Lonnie says:

      And you Jay… are desperatly trying to get other people to accept your opinions in order for them to be validated. I am going to take a wild leap here and assume you are trying to make yourself feel not guilty for doing something you know was wrong.

    • John says:

      I don’t agree with every word that Jay says but I will tell you that the trauma I experienced from being molested from my aunt was far less severe than the trauma I experienced when my great grandfather made me eat the contents of his spittoon. Both were bad but one I remembered as a nightmare and the other I remembered fondly. On a case to case basis one must put all such things into perspective. If at the age of 7 I was asked to choose between spending a minute as my great grandfather’s victim and spending a year as my aunt’s “victim” I would choose my aunt any day of the week. It was not until I was a teen that I even considered what my aunt did to me as inappropriate. But then in the 1960s people looked at things differently than they do today. At that time, when a child reported that they were molested the parents would either accuse them of lying and punish them or accuse them of instigating it and punish them. Thus we didn’t usually report such things. The real trauma from my aunt was that I was not prepared emotionally to deal with the guilt I experienced later from enjoying it too much. Today I think kids know better. In my day you obeyed all adults “or else.” Today kids are trained to be aware when something bad is happening or about to. All that said, I can’t help but wonder if we aren’t putting just a little too much emphasis on the evils of child sexuality. Children should not be made to believe that their emotional feelings are wrong or evil or associated with same. They should be made aware that they have the power to deny any person, especially adults,permission to touch them.

      • Alethea says:

        Dear John,

        I am sorry it took so long to reply.

        The term “child’s sexuality” is up for interpretation. A child of three and four, doesn’t even know what “sex” is. Children can be sexualized by an adult –but it doesn’t make it natural, or okay, to do so.

        But I have never said that children’s emotional feelings, or their bodies feeling stimulated are wrong or evil.

        For the purposes of this discussion, it doesn’t matter if you were traumatized or not by your aunt, you were indeed a victim because she was a perpetrator, who crossed boundaries with a child. Unless you were an older teenager? I don’t know how old you were at the time but the point here is not that you were feeling pleasure, or not, it is that an adult took the action of engaging a child in sexual acts with them. THAT is a crime, morally and legally.

        ~Alethea

      • OD Clark says:

        John,

        “It was not until I was a teen that I even considered what my aunt did to me as inappropriate.”

        I really hate this “sanitized” language which has been adopted heavily by the Roman Catholic Church and their very expensive attorneys.

        It was not “inappropriate,” it was rape.

        It is not “inappropriate behavior” on the part of the perpetrator, be it aunt or priest – it is the rape of a child.

        I grew up in the 1960’s and yes, the times were different. Peace marches, civil rights, the race between countries to outer space and Vietnam. I was brutally raped in 1969 by our parish priest. He did not act just “inappropriately.” It was rape.

        And if I could comprehend what had happened to me (I could not because I was threatened, as were the lives of my family, including the human body’s defense mechanism burying the act so deep in my psyche, PTSD and a host of other maladies), I would have told my Mother & Father – and I would have been believed. But, I would have grown up without a Father because he would have gone to the rectory and beaten my perpetrator to death. Flash forward twenty years ahead, where would our family have been without our breadwinner and Father for that period of time?

        Rape is rape and don’t ever attempt to define it as anything else because when you do you minimize every other survivor’s horrors which they too were forced to endure as a child. Remember, “…as a child.”

        Both instances that you cite are equally horrendous and traumatizing to a seven year-old child. A child should not have to choose which is the least distasteful – whether being manipulated, groomed and raped by an adult or to be forced to eat the contents of a brass spittoon by a great grandfather.

      • TruthSeeker says:

        John, I couldn’t agree more with your take on the subject! We can all agree that children engaging in sex is wrong. That’s the easy part in my opinion. Especially is that true when a parent is the one having the sexual contact with the child. The question is how do we help the child that did enjoy it physically and perhaps emotionally. Do we tell them about how terrible what happened to them was and no way could that be right? Do we reinforce in them how disgusting it was and is? Wouldn’t that tell this person in effect that the are disgusting and terrible and abnormal? From my experience with this, and I have both experience myself and dealing with a wife who had a long sexual relationship with her father, we need to make sure we aren’t disregarding the strong feelings that the person had and has. If we were to say to them things like, well the body just responds and that is just what the child felt, then we disregard the feelings they have today. The child and the adult are the same person. When we separate the child from the adult as needing to have different feelings, then we help this person disassociate and perhaps even worse. I’ve seen it and lived it. I always say, what is the truth? The truth for many, not all, is that the experience was not terrible. In many ways it was positive. Now, there is a danger that a person could accept this and say if it was good for me, it would be good for someone else. Now we and they are continuing a cycle, that as we all know, is wrong! Too many and I must admit, even for myself for many years, have beat myself up for having liked it. My wife has done the same thing to herself. This aspect, not the sex and relationship is what created chaos and even more trauma.

        We all want to protect the child. However, once the event has happened we need to take each case on it’s own merit and not force their feelings into a mold. Call it wrong for sure. But to in effect tell the child that they are disgusting by calling what they enjoyed and wanted disgusting, is a very very delicate line to walk.

        • Alethea says:

          Truth Seeker,

          The child and the adult are NOT the same person anymore. If children -and eventually teenagers and adults– are not told that sex with one’s father is NOT okay, then many women would continue having sex with their father into adulthood.

          Many women -who were once victims-retain the Subconscious idea (sometimes conscious) that their father is their lover. This is unhealthy and can drive them to have affairs, or to become addicted to sex/drugs/alcohol, and worse.

          The experience is not terrible for some children….for others, like me, the child THINKS it’s love when it isn’t, and they are left devastated when their father treats them like garbage to the be thrown out.

          You are talking about your wife, and yourself with your own father??? Are you a man?

          • TruthSeeker says:

            Aletha.

            Yes I am a man and a survivor of sexual activity as a child. I have never had any sexual contact with a child as an adult, nor have I ever had a desire. I say that because inevitably someone accuses me of it by saying what I say.

            I repeat, in no way do I condone what is done to children sexually. Without question the topic is highly charged and emotional beyond what we can even imagine for many. Every person processes things differently and needs to look at things that helps them the most. For that reason a good Therapist will not force a person into a predisposed category. For me I would disagree with what you say about the child and the adult being different people. For sure I’ve ended up looking at things differently as I get wiser and have life experiences, but I am the same person. What I went through then and how I adjusted to it and acted during those times is a part of me as an adult. For me, when I excepted my role and pleasure in my sexual activities as a child it was a huge relief to me. There was no repulsion or, how could I do that whats wrong with me, as many others I have talked to have had. My problem was prior to that, because I had these strange different feelings from what I was told, I should hate that and I would hear how disgusting it was for those types of things. But the chaos came in when I would get a positive memory and even a good feeling. So I have been told, well the body responds to what is being done and you were just the victim of an abuse of control and power. Sure ok, but does that answer my role in what took place? Not for me it didn’t. I sought it out many many times. Now what?

            I ended up marrying someone who had a sexual relationship with her Father and for many years. Of course I didn’t know and she repressed the memories. But having married her at a young age and then being around her family and father constantly most of our marriage. I had a unique vantage point. Many survivors are good spotters of other people who have and are going through a similar thing. I saw there was an issue on our honeymoon and it freaked me out! I was like really, why why why? I just wanted to get married and now I had to deal with this. But I did. I didn’t know who it was but I soon got to have many suspicions and eventually it became clear it was her father and mother. Of course I had not facts and when I would go fishing for it with my wife, I ran into many brick walls understandably. Eventually I gave up and let it go and just tried to live our life. I moved us away and the followed us…Twice!! So I had to get real and understand what were we living through? I was the other man in this scenario and there was nothing I could do with it. She says there was not physical contact and for the most part I believe her. However, the emotional connection was clear. She was his favorite, they were close and there was nothing I could do about it except try to be a good man and father to our child. It sent me down a path of understanding and acceptance of how intense this could be. Eventually I broke down and couldn’t take the lies anymore after she gave him one of her kidneys even after I told her no way that was going to happen.

            Of course I can go on and on over 27 yrs of marriage of all the things I have seen and lived through with a unique perspective. She acts out as a child sexually with me and then deals as an angry teenager with me most of the other times. And dont get me started when she becomes the controlling adult. LOL I might add that her anger as a teenager was as a result of the sex stopping not the relationship. I dont have sex with her so like I said most of the time she is an angry teenager with me. With my breakdown and finally confronting her we have worked through many things. Most of which has to do with her sexuality with her father and what has resulted from it. We have a long way to go to start to work on us. Like I have told her, neither one of us knows who she really is.

            I tell you all that to say that most of her progress has come with starting to accept what the relationship with her father really was to her, sexually and otherwise. To see her role in it. I know I know, that is a sketchy thing to say, it bristles lots of feathers. But as long as we dont say that it was her fault, or that she did something to start it, then it doesnt go to far. I will say that this acceptance for her is starting to have the same look and relief that I had many many years ago when I came to my conclusions.

            Hopefully I havent upset anyone reading this. My/Our truth doesnt have to be the same for you. The human race is very diversified and amazing in its ability to adapt. Maybe someone else out there reads this and it clicks for their life and experience, their personality. I hope so!

            • Alethea says:

              Dear Truth Seeker,

              It is unfortunate that you feel those things are a part of you as an adult. That belief system means the past will always be chained like a suitcase around your ankle.

              if you were sexually abused by a man, and the child in you took a form of pleasure in it, then your inner self, will never be happy with that –EVER….unless and until you heal that issue from a deeper level -inside your subconscious mind. You can try to ‘accept your past,’ or ‘make peace with it,’ or try not to allow it to ‘define you,’ or use positive thinking or whatever…but you soul knows the truth. We cannot lie to our own soul.

              I too experienced much anger and emotional trauma when my father stopped having intimate sex with me because of my mother stopping it. I was getting older, and she feared I would get pregnant. But he continued fellatio with me, and that was not as ‘good’ for me as the sexual intimacy with him. I experienced a tremendous amount of psychosomatic symptoms from that emotional loss –from the sex ending with my father. I have written about this many times in articles on my blog. Many people don’t want to hear it. I have been personally attacked and personally insulted by women who did not want to hear this ugly side of incest…probably because they felt it with their father too, but were not ready to face it yet.

              It’s refreshing for me to correspond with someone who understands about this aspect of incest, and child sexual abuse..

              Saying it is a child’s fault is not the same as saying that your wife might have wanted her father, or went to him sometimes, or even stalked him sexually. I did all those things with my father, and it still was not my fault. My father first put his penis in my mouth when I was an infant, so all I KNEW was sexual abuse.

              Our “truth” does not have to be the same, but the subconscious mind is something that NO ONE can ignore. The subconscious mind drives us, that is, until we heal ourselves at the SC level.

              Both you and your wife would REALLY benefit from my therapist. Have you read my posts on her?

              • TruthSeeker says:

                I have read some of your posts and comments. You truly have a grasp on your life now and in the past. It no doubt takes a lot of strength and determination to get to and keep progressing to where you are today. HUGE Kudo’s to you for keeping on in that fight and helping others!

                It seems to me that for the most part, we are saying the same thing. I feel my ongoing struggle with my own past is going to be just that, ongoing. I don’t kid myself into thinking I’m all better now. Your comments on the subconscious mind, make a lot of sense to me and I feel that healing that subconscious mind is what I have done. I don’t beat myself up anymore, nor is it a scary dark place in my mind. I took that control away from the man I was involved with by doing that.

                As for my wife….I am seeing that there is only so much I can do as a Man in her life. Not only for her well being, but for mine. It’s a lot for a Husband to take in and process objectively. Our spirituality has helped immensely and no doubt will continue to do such. As you said….”It’s refreshing for me to correspond with someone who understands about this aspect of incest, and child sexual abuse..” I feel the same way. My wife’s sub conscious mind has and is only now being touched. I talk to her about it all the time. I of course call it “truth’s we can’t run from”, (truth seeker), but in essence it is the sub conscious that I am referring to.

                Thank you very much for your insight and again for speaking up. Anything else you would like to share would always be welcome.

              • Alethea says:

                Truth Seeker, I apologize for taking so long to reply.

                I want to thank you for taking the time to encourage me and my Blog. It helps me tremendously to read that I have helped others, or that my fight is not for nothing. Thank you.

                You wrote, “I of course call it “truth’s we can’t run from”, (truth seeker), but in essence it is the sub conscious that I am referring to.”

                Most people do not understand that the subconscious mind is the soul. Trying to lie to our subconscious mind with positive thinking, or Louise Hay/Eckart Tolle beliefs is like trying to lie to one’s own soul. It does not work, it will not work, and it in fact, makes the soul/SC Mind even more angry and it will retaliate in one form or another if the soul is ignored.

                Human beings cannot lie to themselves. We can pretend and deny, but we cannot lie to ourselves.

  3. Phyl says:

    I spent 21+ years holding in the guilt that I felt from having orgasmed and then having the audacity to talk about with kids my age. I was shamed repeatedly for having said certain things that kids shouldn’t say. I finally told my mom a few days ago referring to the incidents as ‘rape’. But then I thought long and hard about it and realized i had shut most of the sexual aspect of it away far away from my conscious. When these thngs happened to me as a kid, I didn’t see anything wrong with them until I was told being a kid that talks about sex is wrong. The guilt went into fullswing, and today I’m just facing the truth that the only thing I did wrong was shut out what happened. Because I had sexual experiences at a VERY young age with both men and women and now I have a sexual identity crisis. Reading blogs like these and realizing that it’s normal to NOT feel like a victim when a significantly older adult is touching you and you enjoy makes me feel like I’m not alone and I can finally, at the age of 26, move on with my life, especially my work life which had severely slowed due to recovered repressed memories. What helped me to come out was listening to a lot of TedxTalks where speakers bare their soul about childhood abuse and the fact that my exboyfriend’s mom after probably about 40+ years went into psychosis because she was raped by her brother and had a miscarried child by him. He slipped up the other day and said she’s pretty much gone, just living a shell of a life of her former self. I truly believe it was because, like myself, she had shut the memory away for so long that it resurfaced. I couldn’t handle the guilt anymore and finally told my mom. I realize now that I need to get out there and form new experiences to replace the old ones I had pretty much forgotten, and that for me starts with coming out of the closet. Thank you for helping me. I assure that you have also helped countless others ass well. Sorry for the wall of texts.

    • Alethea says:

      Phyl,

      Your comment has brought me such joy. Knowing that my article has helped you so much is of great peace to me. Have you read my articles on same-sex child sexual abuse creating sexual identity issues? I am going to post another one on that subject very soon, about a woman named Grace. It is a compelling story. I hope you are subscribed to my Blog so you can read it when it is published, or keep checking back to my main page for when it goes online. I too suffered from sexual confusion inside myself, even though I know I am straight and have been married for 19 years. My mother’s sexual abuse of me created problems in me sexually –especially when my father and mother sexually molested me at the exact same moment. That really confused me as a child because both sexes were stimulating me at the same exact moment.

      You are a courageous soul for being so honest with yourself.

      I wish you all the best.
      Alethea

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