No One But a Victim Knows The Depth of Pain, Desperation and Rage That Child Abuse Creates

In response to my article, Cody Posey, the Teen Who Murdered His Family Is Free from Prison, and I am Happy For Him, a reader has presented some harsh criticism towards me and those who have sympathized with Cody.

Reader Deborah takes offense to my belief that Cody Posey killed his abusers and step-sister because of repeated assaults, brutalization, mental torture, lack of love, lack of protection, sexual abuse, and being spiritually broken.

Deborah writes: “I have made some pretty harsh comments and it is obvious you have been through a very painful childhood. I in no way am trying to make light of the suffering you experienced. My point is, hopefully, you did not resort to violence, just as the majority of people who suffered at the hands of their abusers did not. My comments come from my own frustration with this case. I am closer to this situation than I should let on and let my emotions get the best of me. I appreciate your sympathy for Cody, but justifying the murders is just incredibly disturbing to me.”

Do you know what is disturbing to me Deborah? Child abuse –the systematic destruction of a child’s soul by the very parents who should have loved that child. Do you know what else is disturbing? People like you, who cannot see past their own moral self-righteousness.

People like you disturb me Deborah –those who judge what went on behind closed doors just because the family looks normal, or because a young girl appears to just be an innocent victim. Sometimes teenage girls do things that are unloving, unnatural, and self-driven.

There is a law in the universe that plays no favorites. It has no recognition of religion, age, sex, or race. That law is called Cause and Effect, or Action/Reaction. You Deborah can sit there on your stool and judge what you would have done, or not done if you were in Cody’s shoes, but you have no idea what he endured and what truly drove him to the killings. Cody’s father and step-mother can look to themselves and their actions for what happened to them. And as harsh as it may seem, maybe his sister’s soul is dealing with what she did or did not do to contribute to the abuse of Cody. Maybe she was 100% a victim, and Cody only perceived her as an extension of the abuse. We will not know in this lifetime, and I will not blame Cody for his perception of her. He was reacting from an extremely abused person.

Where does it end you ask? It ends when parents stop torturing their kids and when human beings learn to overcome their selfish nature and align themselves with their Divine nature.

Deborah writes: “And you obviously wanted to kill your abuser and the sibling you feel participated in your abuse since you “walked Cody’s road.” So did you kill them?”

I don’t have any memories of wanting to kill my abuser or anyone else in my family. But I do have memories of hating my father so much, that when he died of cancer, I felt guilt that I caused it. I also have memories of harboring years of resentment and rage for my family members. It was enough rage that it made me very physically sick as an adult, because that is what rage and deep resentment does; it causes disease. But because I know what desperation and rage can do to a child or teen, I will not and cannot, judge Cody Posey’s soul for the murders. Each human being is different and each soul has lived an entirely different path. This is true, regardless of the fact that two individuals may have suffered the same kind of child abuse —even if they were abused in the same home by the same perpetrator.

“How can you sympathize with him yet call a child younger than he was evil? I feel very sad for you.”

I did NOT say she was evil. But if her lack of action was for self-oriented reasons, or if she spied on her brother so he wouldn’t tell anyone, then that is evil. Just like Cody is not evil, but murder is. Do not feel sad for me, because you ought to feel sadness for your own soul. You Deborah cannot have compassion for Cody and cannot find mercy for him, and that is sad. You ought to make more room in your heart for love.

As I wrote in my article and subsequent comments, we don’t know to what extent Cody’s sister was involved in the abuse in that house. It is possible, that she was helping the parents because she got special treatment, or favors. Maybe she even enjoyed being the special child and getting all the love.

When a sibling participates in the abuse, even if it is just to spy on the child being abused, or to get special treatment, then the teen or child, who is being abused, feels like the sibling is an extension of the abuse –as if they too are abusing the child. I am not just pulling this out of thin air. It happened to me, and it has happened to countless other victims, who had sibling that did not help or rescue them.

I defend Cody because I have been in a situation that was similar to his. I have walked his road. I also watched the trial, every day, from beginning to end. Deborah claims that she “knows a thing or two more than you will ever know about this family, any of you.” This is very possible. Was Deborah a friend of Cody’s sister? A relative? A neighbor? I don’t know, but I do know that, even though Deborah accuses me of speculation and hypothesizing, she is doing the same.

Or maybe Deborah doesn’t believe that Cody’s step-mother was about to sexually abuse him? Maybe Deborah thinks that mothers aren’t capable of child sexual abuse?

People who deny that mothers sexually abuse kids, are people who contribute to it with their denial system.

Unless Deborah lived in the home with Cody, his step-sister, his father, and his step-mother, she cannot know the absolute truth of what happened behind closed doors —just as my childhood friends, neighbor’s and relatives have no idea what happened in my childhood home. However, even siblings who live in the same home with those who are being abused, sometimes turn a blind eye to the abuse or the abuse is kept hidden from them.

Deborah bases herself in rational thinking. There is nothing rational when a teenager or child is being sadistically abused, and when no one does anything to help them, and when the child or teen feels no one in the world will ever help them or believe them. There is nothing rational about a mother who tries to have sex with her teenage step-son, and does so with threats of bodily harm to the boy.

In no way do I place blame for the killings on Cody’s sister. The blame lies solely on the father and step-mother, but I do speak from having been a victim in that predicament, and who, right or wrong to an adult mind, felt rage and pain because my teenage sister did not help me.

Like it or not, there is a possibility that Cody’s sister did indeed receive favors in exchange for her silence and that she liked being the favored child. These are facts that cannot be ignored or denied out of self-comfort.

This kind of thing happens frequently in abusive families. One kid gets extensive and severe abuse and others are favored or not abused at all. Although Cody’s sister was also a victim, to Cody, she was also an abuser. So I feel he is free of any moral culpability.

Maybe Cody’s sister was being sexually abused, or maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she was threatened with death, or maybe not. Maybe she could have called 911 for Cody, but she didn’t.

The father of Cody’s stepsister, Jake Schmeed, was quoted as saying that he did not blame Cody. Yet Deborah cannot find any mercy or understanding in her heart.

In an interview, Marilea’s father said, “Cody doesn’t need to be punished for this.  He didn’t do it. Paul and Tryone did this,” and added, “Paul and Tryone made [Cody] do it, created him and made him the weapon that caused their death and Marilea’s death.”

https://i0.wp.com/www.vanceholmes.com/court/cody_kill.jpg

Cody has served his sentence and no one knows what kind of pain his soul carries. Only Cody and Cody alone knows what is in his heart and he will no doubt always harbor guilt and pain for what happened. Cody will be his own hardest judge and jury. He does not need people like Deborah to condemn his soul.

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One Response to No One But a Victim Knows The Depth of Pain, Desperation and Rage That Child Abuse Creates

  1. Michelle says:

    Thank you, I wholeheartedly understand, and although it is in response to very horrific circumstances, I am happy someone was able to put into words what needed to be explained to Deborah, I am sure other’s beside myself thought all you ahd expressed.

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