I have been sifting through my old files and found a number of articles and writings on women, in relation to the men they love, but who also sexually abuse children. I have used this material in my manuscripts for the books I intend to publish, but I can’t resist posting some of this stuff. I will be posting one a day for the rest of the week.
The first, is a letter written in 2003 to Slate Magazine online, in a section called, Dear Prudence: Advice on manners and morals…
My Beau’s Sex-Offender Status Has Me Worried For My Kids
I have been dating a wonderful man for the last three months. We are completely in love, and he treats me like royalty. He even likes my kids. The problem? He recently told me he is a registered sex offender and was in prison for molesting his then 9-year-old daughter. This was over 15 years ago, and he has not been accused/caught/arrested again. The real dilemma for me is that I have seven children, ranging in age from a teenager to a toddler. I really love this man and want him in my life, but I fear I am putting my youngest in danger by allowing him in the house. I do not leave him alone with the children and have to date observed no inappropriate behaviors. I want to believe that this was a horrible incident in his past and no repeats will occur. I really want to trust this man. I think we could have a wonderful life together if given a chance, but at the same time, I fear I am sitting on a time bomb. Can it have been a onetime thing, or am I just being naive? Please help as I need to make a decision soon to avoid prolonging things if I decide to end it.
This was the advice from Prudence:
Prudie would like to be encouraging, but the odds are not good. Pedophilia is an aberrant sexual behavior where the possibility of a “cure” is statistically minuscule. The 15-year record is somewhat hopeful—if true—but that is counterbalanced by the presence of your kids. The temptation has to be great. It is good that, so far, you have been able to never leave him alone with the children, but you cannot live a life that way. There is a slim possibility he orchestrated the romance in order to live with young children … who but a saint would elect to take on a woman with seven kids? Your first step should be to discuss your fears openly. He was, after all, upfront about his past. This is a tough decision to make, but your best bet is to weigh your gut instinct with information about the disorder, as well as how this man talks about his illness. It’s a gut-wrenching proposition to choose between offering someone a second chance and always looking over your shoulder. Good luck.
This was my response to Prudence:
I am writing about the woman who called herself “confused” about dating a “wonderful man” who is an admitted child molester. I implore you to write that woman back because she should not call herself “confused” she should have called herself, “in denial.”
There is much more than a “slim” chance that this man is with her because of her children. In addition, this woman will easily provide a home for this man, with victims to molest, because she wants to believe what is comfortable for her to believe. This woman wants to think he is a “nice man” who is changed and she will turn a blind eye to any abuse. How do I know this? Because she did not run the other way with her kids in tow when she found out he sexually molested his daughter. She will be willing to sacrifice her children for a man’s paycheck and a warm bed.
Any REAL mother would not even consider for one minute that he has changed. This woman should not be offering up her children in some kind of a sick test to see if he really has changed.
Respectfully, I urge you to write this woman back and tell her to take her kids and run. I do not think you have given her a picture of reality. I feel you have catered to this woman’s need to hear that he may be safe because he disclosed his past and because it has been 15 years. Who knows how many children he has molested in the past 15 years!? Most children DO NOT TELL. Statistics show that he probably has had other victims. Also, the very fact that it was his own daughter should tell this woman that he would have even less regard for his step-children or the children of a girlfriend. Denial is the backbone of incest and child sexual abuse.
I urge you to help a child and please write this woman back and tell her that she should get out of this relationship immediately.