What’s the Difference Between the Wife of Judge Adams, and the Penn State Staff?

Some people have criticized me and slammed me for saying that Hillary Adam’s mother, Hallie Adams, was an abuser too, and that she deserves condemnation for not protecting her daughter; but why are the men in the Penn state case also not being excused? Hallie Adams knew her daughter was being beaten by the judge, and she did nothing. At least 15 men at Penn State knew about, or witnessed, child rape taking place by one of the coaches, and they did nothing.

(credit: Rob Carr/Getty Images)

The only people I have heard defending the Penn State staff, were the ignorant college students who care more about football than a moral code of ethics, or children being abused.

 Hallie Adams Granted Temporary Restraining Order Against Judge Adams

However, the media, the general public, and most bloggers have virtually, unanimously blasted the Penn State male staff members who, like Hillary’s mother, knew about child abuse, and did nothing. And the Penn State staff, who were silent, weren’t even sexually abusing the boys themselves!  Yet, Hillary’s mother beat her daughter right along with her husband, and she is still being excused by many people, mostly women –and even women, who are advocates against child abuse, or who were once abused themselves.

I find this to be a very strange phenomenon.

What’s the difference between Hillary Adams’s mother and the men at Penn State? Not much. The male staff who (allegedly) said and did nothing, allowed child sexual abuse and rape to continue, and the perpetrator to remain free. Hillary’s mother said and did nothing about the beatings by Judge Adams (Hillary says her mother also hit her as a child and the Judge stopped it), and allowed a child abuser to continue committing the abuse and to remain free. The Penn State men most likely said and did nothing to protect their buddies, to protect the reputation of the college, and to continue having a good football team. Hillary’s mother said and did nothing in order to protect her husband, to protect herself, and maybe even to not shame the family or to keep her nice home and nice car.

If Hillary had videotaped her father sexually abusing her, and captured her mother on the video, joining in at some point, would all those who criticize me have a different opinion about Hallie Adams? If they saw Hillary’s mother sexually abusing her daughter on that tape, would they still have called her a “victim,” a “mother who was full of anxiety and just trying to diffuse” the sexual abuse?

If someone caught a man on videotape beating the life out of a puppy, and at some point, his wife joined in on the beating, would people still consider her a victim, and say that she should not be criticized?

For those of you who defend Hallie Adams, if you have children, or a beloved dog or cat, and your spouse were continuously beating your child, or your pet, what would you do?

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14 Responses to What’s the Difference Between the Wife of Judge Adams, and the Penn State Staff?

  1. little nel says:

    I have only one thing that I need to express about the Penn State abuses.

    These men were “team players” by choice. A child verses a team of powerful men, who chose to enable a child rapist, for their own personal reasons.

    How could these men sleep at night or look at themselves in the mirror? I am disgusted by the whole bunch of spineless “sissies.”

    • SurvivorSunshine says:

      They sleep at night because they grew up witnessing abusers abuse and no one did a thing OR they were abused and sought help to no avail. Even worse, they abused an innocent person, woman or child, and got away with it so they colluded with Sandusky in silence. More men than we want to believe, or are conditioned to believe, truly don’t put any value in women or children. We are their property to be used at will. I guarantee you if you probed the backgrounds of those silent partners, there is a chance they were a victim or perp themselves.

      • little nel says:

        I did not abuse even though I grew up witnessing “abuser and abuse” and no one did a thing, plus I was abused and sought help to no avail as a child. I did not repeat the abuse even though I suffered in silence. Inwardly, I knew it was wrong. I was angry, confused, and depressed, but I did not repeat the abuse.

        Some one told me that success was the best revenge, so I set about doing things that I thought would make me successful, so I didn’t have time for sulking or feelings of self-pity. I made a decision to reject the behavior of the abusers in my family, in spite of, all the “psychological roadblocks.”

        ‘”When the road is rough, the reward is great”

      • Alethea says:

        “I guarantee you if you probed the backgrounds of those silent partners, there is a chance they were a victim or perp themselves.”

        Yep yep yep. Maybe even both victim and perp.

        • little nel says:

          What about the “psychological roadblocks” theory?

          I read some where that all boys “experiment with same sex contact” sometime in childhood or adolescence. Is that what the witnesses thought was happening, so it became a roadblock?

  2. little nel says:

    Judges are held to a higher standard than the rest of us.

    If this judge had all the problems listed in Hallie’s complaint, at the same time, she should have gotten help when the abuse began.

    Hallie put her needs above her daughter’s needs. Hallie’s need for love and acceptance from “the judge” motivated her to lash her daughter. Hallie’s need to feel secure and “in control” in her family was challenged by the judge’s unreasonable abusive behavior.
    Hallie was forced to choose between her own needs for security and her daughter’s need for protection in my opinion.

    Hallie was a great co-dependent until something happened to change her priorities and needs. My best guess is her pain became greater than her need for the judge’s “love.”

    “Another woman,” coupled with the abuses, most likely, was the issue that got her attention and made her aware of her intense emotional pain.

    • Alethea says:

      “Judges are held to a higher standard than the rest of us.”

      Mothers are to be held to higher standards than any person, in any position of employment.

      Great observations in the rest of this comment Little Nel. I think you are right on here. Except that Hallie’s own self-interest and self-survival is what “forced” her into choosing her security over her daughter’s safety.

      • little nel says:

        Motherhood has been so badly “re-defined” in America that women are confused about the art of “mothering.”

        The college that I attended taught that daycare was more beneficial than mothers for children. I did not believe it, but a lot of other women did.

        I remember that when I married at age 33, that I instantly became “unable” to sign a contract without my husband’s signature. My prior professional and financial success was not a consideration. It was unbelievable to me.

        “The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world” I agree that mothers need to be held to a higher standard. I chose the higher standard when I had children at home. My children, who are adults, thank me all the time for their childhood.

        • SurvivorSunshine says:

          I also agree. I think the mother is a Narcissist on further reflection, yet also perhaps an abuse victim. Nonetheless, as I said in my first post, if she was a healthy mother she would’ve called the police and held her husband accountable for his behavior because the judge was clearly out of control. The offense did not warrant that type of punishment and his rage was apparent. I think it’s interesting, little nel, how you say her need to be loved by the Judge, in classic codependent behavior, caused her to choose herself and her needs over her daughter. She even mirrored his behavior towards her daughter not to diffuse it, as I previously wrote, but to cement that bond with him. But I think the threat of another woman and losing her codependent bond with him to another, caused her to act NOT the fear for her younger daughter’s well-being. She is not a safe parent, either. I wish Hillary could take the sister but she has to work through her own issues.

          My story is my mother FOUGHT against my P father’s mental abuse and ended up losing her life. She did it, not fully to protect us, but to show him he couldn’t control her or her life. Looking back, I wish she would’ve got off the merry-go-round and went into hiding. She had a need to flaunt that she made it despite all of his best efforts. You can never win against a psychopath that way. You have to get off their radar.

          • little nel says:

            Hi Sunshine,

            Your statement, “You can never win against a psychopath,,,etc.”

            If you don’t believe that you are fighting with a psychopath, then the fight seems “reasonable.”

            I watched my mother fight a psychopath until he moved away. I was 11 when I figured out that she had become angry, violent, and unreasonable, also. I knew instinctively that both my parents were “crazy.”

            I grew up with so much insanity that I could not function emotionally, so I escaped in school, the library, and over-achieving, hoping to find a way out of my confusion. We lived from crisis to crisis. I lived with a knot in my stomach daily.

            I became the family “damage control” monitor in my early teens, but I soon learned that my efforts were in vain because the crisis’ were never ending.

            I was clueless as to my own dysfunction as it was so tightly woven into my family’s dysfunction. I read every self-help book and college book that I could find looking for an escape. I knew I was dysfunctional, desperate, depressed, angry, and spiritually motivated, but I could not find peace until someone suggested that I try Alanon.

            They taught me how to get off the “merry-go-round of denial” and my life changed. It’s been uphill since then.

            My husband says that I had “Divine discontentment”

          • Alethea says:

            Sunshine, I would have preferred that my mother tried to protect me and was killed doing so, than to have a mother who, not only facilitated it, but joined in.

            At least I would not have felt the decades of emotional pain and devastating abandonment that one experiences when their mother does nothing to help them, ignores their screams, and joins in on the abuse.

      • SurvivorSunshine says:

        Alethea, you’re right. Mothers, or women in general, are given the benefit of the doubt way too much in our society. I can see where you are coming from but we all have to work through what our idea of a “good mother” is to us personally. Mothers, without a doubt, should be held to the highest standards more than anyone because we carried that child in our bodies and the child is truly a living, breathing extension of us. How dare any mother not respect that life we were blessed with? The problem occurs when you add in family history, psychological disorders, substance abuse, etc. and mothers drop that proverbial ball. We ALL suffer when mothers don’t “mother.” But I don’t think directing anger and rage at mothers, while excusing fathers is the answer anymore than the flip side of totally blaming fathers, not mothers. Both parents have a responsibility to protect their children. And each situation of abuse in families is complicated, with lots of gray areas.

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