Dottie Sandusky “Knew Her Husband Had Boundary Issues”

According to The Patriot-News, a family friend of the Sandusky’s, says Jerry Sandusky’s wife, Dottie, worried that her husband might one day be accused of sexually molesting kids.

Family friend,Jeff Byers, told The Patriot-News that although he does not think Dottie “saw anything inappropriate,” she did speak with her husband about his boundary problems, and that she was concerned someone might perceive things in the wrong way. Byers said Dottie feared someone could falsely accuse him of child sexual abuse.

Sounds more like Dottie did indeed see something inappropriate, and instead of fessing up to the friend what it was, she minimized the situation and pre-empted any accusations of child abuse that might, and probably would happen, down the road.

It sounds to me like she knew damn well her husband ‘had a problem with little boys’ and made it seem like any future accusations were false.

This is common practice among those who shield child sexual abusers, and those who abuse kids do it too.

The abuser (or his or her accomplice) will often try to make the victims out to be liars, untrustworthy, sick, crazy, or emotionally disturbed… long before any accusations arise, or prior to the sexual abuse becoming public knowledge.

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hlntv.com

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14 Responses to Dottie Sandusky “Knew Her Husband Had Boundary Issues”

  1. mary johnson says:

    I believe Ms Sandusky knew about her husband on some level or had her suspicions. Unless she was totally under water, she would have had to have some inkling; some little nagging doubts in her mind. She seems to me to be too good to be true. You know what I mean? Thank you MJ

  2. little nel says:

    I don’t see Dottie ever admitting that Jerry is a “perp” until he is convicted. She has got to be suffering from anxiety and depression after all the repercussions of Jerry’s behavior with these boys.

    She probably thinks that Jerry is the victim of all those little liars and the media.

    If I were Dottie Sandusky, I would be on medication right now.

  3. carolinva says:

    You are absolutely right. I know only too well how it goes.

  4. Melinda says:

    I believe she had to have known on some level. I was sexually abused by my father for many years and my mother now knows that she allowed herself to be in denial. Humans have the remarkable ability to delude themselves–Dottie should do the right thing and soul search her way into “remembering” the evidence to help put her monster of a husband in prison.

    • Alethea says:

      Melinda you are among hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of survivors whose mothers allowed themselves to be in denial. It is HIGHLY common.

      Dottie knew something. You don’t say your husband has boundary issues with kids, or worry he might be “falsely” accused of molestation if you know nothing.

      • SurvivorSunshine says:

        I have a hard time feeling sorry for this woman, especially when it was reported that she called a boy who used to be in her husband’s program and attempted to manipulate him to ever deny any abuse happened with Sandusky. She probably has her own abuse survivor issues and decided to look the other way. Some survivors (and probably more than we comfortably like to admit) that have not received any counseling or treatment even LIKE to see others be abused because it makes them feel better about what happened to them. I have seen this strange phenomena with many people I know are sexual abuse survivors. It’s like they purposely allow their kids to get molested because it happened to them. It’s almost as if they get a perverse sense of inclusion. We may not be like that but some survivors that haven’t healed or been on the road to recovery definitely are. I suspected my ex’s mom was, especially after she admitted to me she had been sexually abused in her childhood.

        • little nel says:

          Sunshine,

          Great comments!
          I think that a victim is so angry that they were abused and then “invalidated” when they reported the abuse that they become desperate for validation and some type of resolution. Denial will work for a long time.

          A perverse sense of inclusion is better than rejection or exclusion to many family members. They don’t want to feel alone, unwanted, or unloved.

          Dottie’s behavior is that of a “fixer” who failed many times to fix Jerry’s problems, so she must be fighting the “I’m a failure” battle inside.

        • Melinda says:

          I don’t think we can jump to the conclusion that Dottie was abused by her husband or anyone in her past. Dottie’s behavior does NOT seem typical to me as an abuse survivor. While it is true that some survivors of abuse will go on to abuse their own kids, the majority actually do not. Her behavior is far more typical of a spouse who drowns herself in denial because she doesn’t want to rock the boat and see her comfortable life disintegrate. Remember, Dottie was a stay-at-home mom, who had no work history. Like many women who were housewives in the 60’s and 70’s, she was likely fearful of leaving her husband because of financial worries. Not that I am giving her a pass–believe me, I think she knew (and knows now) but if she admits it, her entire world will disintegrate.

          Sandusky has gotten away with his sick pedophilia for so long that both he and his wife probably feel he’s invincible. After all, he survived the 1998 and 2002 incidents without any consequences! Well, if you want to call it such, the only consequence he was given in 2002 was being told to no longer bring little boys to the showers (just bring them somewhere else “Jer.” –makes me so mad and sick to my stomach.)

          Best,

          Melinda

        • Alethea says:

          Sunshine,

          As ugly as it is, some survivors get off on seeing children sexually abused because of their own abuse as children. Their child bodies were sexually stimulated by abuse and incest, so their adult minds get turned on by the same thing.

          I know you are not trying to excuse people who allow child sexual abuse to happen because they too were abused, but I just wanted to give the even darker side of this subject. These are facts that people need to know and admit.

          • SurvivorSunshine says:

            I totally agree with that perspective, too, Alethea. That’s the sick cycle of abuse most people don’t like to discuss.

      • Melinda says:

        I agree Alethea, I believe that Dottie had to know something. No normal man wants to hang around young boys that much–kids that aren’t his own, anyway. And she knew for certain that he was showering with young boys because as early as 1998, a mother spoke with him on the phone after her son admitted that Sandusky had forced him to shower naked with him and had “bear hugged” him. That’s just not normal. Even Sandusky himself told the mother he knew it was wrong–

        The entire situation at Penn State makes me sick to my stomach. All these people who cared more about their stupid football program than these poor kids.

        I hope he never gets out of prison–and honestly, I think Dottie might need an adjoining cell.

        • Alethea says:

          “No normal man wants to hang around young boys that much–kids that aren’t his own, anyway…”

          This is what has always disturbed me about those who support Michael Jackson. If anyone who supports M.J. would take a look at just one adult male friend, and imagine their friend having the habit of sleeping with little boys every night for a year, they would be on the phone to the police about their friend.

          But because M.J. was, who he was, he got away with it.

          • little nel says:

            “No normal man wants to hag around young boys that much..etc.”

            Especially true when he has a family that needs his attention and care.

            Jerry and MJ were both “celebs” so they have a built in credibility that goes with the territory.

            It was the mother of one of Jerry’s victims that called the police and got the “over-reactive, hysterical mom” treatment from Jerry.

            When the dad calls the cops it’s a different story. He has male inherent credibility.

            Until mothers are treated with the same respect as fathers by LE and other child agencies, expect a certain amount of apathy and reluctance for reporting abuse from mothers.

            Stop disparaging stay home mothers and take their complaints of abusive spouses seriously just because their husbands are charming and handsome.

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