A Little Lifelike Plastic Doll: A Poem of Pain and Triumph

By Guest Blogger~ Shana

A little lifelike doll of plastic,

Lies upon the bed.

Her hair is disheveled,

And her eyes are wet and red.

She moves not a muscle,

Nor makes a single sound.

Listens to the rustle,

Nerves tightly bound.

Her body’s lifted gently,

Pajamas are removed.

Her clothes are put on her quietly,

Down to her socks and shoes.

Her body is stroked and fondled,

Blood turns to slivered ice.

She turns the revulsion inward,

Holding tears inside.

The mother needs her to feed her,

For she is dead inside.

Her lover has gone away,

She feels she cannot survive.

Her husband she detests,

So this little doll she dresses.

To fill her twisted needs,

With these unspoken incestuous requests.

So she keeps her eyes closed tightly

And she pretends that she is dead.

And she lays a little corpse

Upon her mother’s bed.

She was so good at pretending,

She thought that she was wrong.

Mother said she loved her,

So she must continue to be strong.

What kind of naughty little girl

Would want to deprive a mother of love?

So she smothered all the fear,

Held in the hatred and the rage,

Pretended to be sleeping,

Her skin cold and creeping,

Holding herself imprisoned

Frozen in a lonely grave.

She felt that she was crazy,

An awful cruel selfish beast,

Not wanting to be,

Her mothers’ vile feast,

Years it took her to discover,

That it was not wrong of her to feel,

That the love of her mother,

Was never really real.

She hurt herself intentionally,

And did not know why,

Through pain and fear and misery,

Learned it was okay to cry.

She lost the vile mother,

And she found her little girl,

And later she discovered,

The little doll was really real.

Guilt belonged to her mother,

She put it where it belonged.

Reaching out to others,

She continued to grow strong.

Gut wrenching work and baby steps,

She became her own loving mother.

Nurturing herself instead,

She learned the beautiful little girl

Was never really dead.

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4 Responses to A Little Lifelike Plastic Doll: A Poem of Pain and Triumph

  1. shanakd9 says:

    Thanks Lil Nel, much to my mother’s horror and the family’s, I did speak.

  2. little nel says:

    I love the last two lines the best, Shana, because after all the time, feelings, and thoughts, have been exposed the truth is revealed. Now she has the power to find healing and peace in spite of all that abuse.

    Your poem is another example of the strength of the human spirit in the face of numbing brokenness and the loss of trust.

    The effects of emotional, mental, and spiritual bankruptcy, in our parents is devastating in childhood, but the last two lines give us the right to reject the code of silence. People who are not dead can speak.

  3. shanakd9 says:

    Thank you for posting this and it is still very real to me.

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