I have recently come in contact with someone who thinks I need to keep this subject to myself.
A previous victim of child sexual abuse thinks I am aiding the abusers by openly talking about children enjoying/feeling pleasure/having orgasms with their perpetrator.
This woman thinks that I give the green light to molesters by breaking the taboo subject of the massive amount of victims who have sometimes wanted to be with their abusers in a sexual way (because they were conditioned to like it).
She is very angry with me about this, and I would ask her to dig deep inside herself and find the root cause of that anger. It is possible that she too experienced something enjoyable with her abuser as a child and her own deep-seated anger and shame is driving her resentment towards me for speaking about this. Many adult survivors, including myself, repress the fact that they went to their abuser for the sexual acts, that they enjoyed the feeling that the abuse gave them, or that they had orgasms with their abuser.
No matter what this person’s anger is rooted in, I cannot allow her to succeed at her attempt to silence me. (she said she thinks I am probably a child abuser myself because I brought this topic up. This was an attempt to silence me with a personal attack).
Over the past 15 years, I have received a number of private e-mails from people who have experienced pleasure or sexual stimulation with their abusers, and they are GRATEFUL that someone has dared to be honest about this subject.
Some of the people (I will never disclose their names or their personal information) have experienced pleasure with a perpetrator of the same-sex. This especially is a forbidden topic. A few people have admitted to me that their experience with being stimulated by a perpetrator of the same-sex created their sexual-identity confusion as an adult. Yet I am often attacked for daring to say that.
Being told I “should not” speak openly about this issue is just like society, family members, and neighbors who protect the perpetrator with their denial, silence, and threats to shun the victim. It is just like telling a victim, “we don’t want to hear about that ugly topic of incest, keep quiet about it.” It also tells the victim there is something wrong with them -that they need to be ashamed.
Child sexual abusers are deviant-minded people with serious psychological issues. They will harm, abuse, rape, and molest children no matter how they feel it will affect the child. Discussing and allowing victims and survivors of sexual abuse to be totally honest with society, mental health professionals, and themselves can only help others. Truth helps everyone. Lies, half-truths, denial, and lying to ourselves will not help heal anyone.
On the contrary, if we are open and honest with ourselves and allow others to do the same, we open a door to healing. Prior to the 1980’s, incest and child sexual abuse was a forbidden subject and untold numbers of victims went unheard and unhealed because of it. We cannot do the same thing to anyone who wants to openly discuss the uncomfortable and ugly topic that I have brought out here.
Many people have psychological, emotional, and physical problems that are directly connected to having moments of pleasure that the abuse and attention made their mind and body feel as children.
Eating disorders, migraine headaches, and self-abuse issues are often linked to a psychological disturbance caused by feeling pleasure with a perpetrator. Many adult survivors don’t even know why they continue to have these issues, or they don’t know how to heal this serious problem and suffer with it. How will it help them if we do not allow them to be honest with themselves and to be accepted as beautiful human beings, in spite of anything they did as a child to gain affection, a form of love, or to feel good?
The collective society as a whole wants us to lie to them, and to ourselves; it doesn’t help anyone when previous victims themselves also tell us to shut up.