“Shut Up! We Don’t Want To Hear About That Ugly Topic” (Even If It’s True)

I have recently come in contact with someone who thinks I need to keep this subject to myself.

A previous victim of child sexual abuse thinks I am aiding the abusers by openly talking about children enjoying/feeling pleasure/having orgasms with their perpetrator.

This woman thinks that I give the green light to molesters by breaking the taboo subject of the massive amount of victims who have sometimes wanted to be with their abusers in a sexual way (because they were conditioned to like it).

She is very angry with me about this, and I would ask her to dig deep inside herself and find the root cause of that anger. It is possible that she too experienced something enjoyable with her abuser as a child and her own deep-seated anger and shame is driving her resentment towards me for speaking about this. Many adult survivors, including myself, repress the fact that they went to their abuser for the sexual acts, that they enjoyed the feeling that the abuse gave them, or that they had orgasms with their abuser.

No matter what this person’s anger is rooted in, I cannot allow her to succeed at her attempt to silence me. (she said she thinks I am probably a child abuser myself because I brought this topic up. This was an attempt to silence me with a personal attack).

Over the past 15 years, I have received a number of private e-mails from people who have experienced pleasure or sexual stimulation with their abusers, and they are GRATEFUL that someone has dared to be honest about this subject.

Some of the people (I will never disclose their names or their personal information) have experienced pleasure with a perpetrator of the same-sex. This especially is a forbidden topic. A few people have admitted to me that their experience with being stimulated by a perpetrator of the same-sex created their sexual-identity confusion as an adult. Yet I am often attacked for daring to say that.

Being told I “should not” speak openly about this issue is just like society, family members, and neighbors who protect the perpetrator with their denial, silence, and threats to shun the victim. It is just like telling a victim, “we don’t want to hear about that ugly topic of incest, keep quiet about it.” It also tells the victim there is something wrong with them -that they need to be ashamed.

Child sexual abusers are deviant-minded people with serious psychological issues. They will harm, abuse, rape, and molest children no matter how they feel it will affect the child. Discussing and allowing victims and survivors of sexual abuse to be totally honest with society, mental health professionals, and themselves can only help others. Truth helps everyone. Lies, half-truths, denial, and lying to ourselves will not help heal anyone.

On the contrary, if we are open and honest with ourselves and allow others to do the same, we open a door to healing. Prior to the 1980’s, incest and child sexual abuse was a forbidden subject and untold numbers of victims went unheard and unhealed because of it. We cannot do the same thing to anyone who wants to openly discuss the uncomfortable and ugly topic that I have brought out here.

Many people have psychological, emotional, and physical problems that are directly connected to having moments of pleasure that the abuse and attention made their mind and body feel as children.

Eating disorders, migraine headaches, and self-abuse issues are often linked to a psychological disturbance caused by feeling pleasure with a perpetrator. Many adult survivors don’t even know why they continue to have these issues, or they don’t know how to heal this serious problem and suffer with it. How will it help them if we do not allow them to be honest with themselves and to be accepted as beautiful human beings, in spite of anything they did as a child to gain affection, a form of love, or to feel good?

The collective society as a whole wants us to lie to them, and to ourselves; it doesn’t help anyone when previous victims themselves also tell us to shut up.


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13 Responses to “Shut Up! We Don’t Want To Hear About That Ugly Topic” (Even If It’s True)

  1. anonymous says:

    Is there a way i can email you? i need someone to talk to and i have no one else. Its very important. urgent i should say. please respond soon

  2. Alyssa says:

    Never let someone tell you that you can’t tell your story. Nobody else knows your story better than you do, and you help both yourself and those with similar stories in the telling. It’s part of the healing process.

    If somebody doesn’t like what you’re healing from, a better use of their energies would be preventing it from happening to anyone else, rather than be angry with you for healing!!!

    (OK, this is a rather cranky first post on your excellent blog — just going through my own “don’t tell” issues this month, so have my battle gear ready. 🙂 )

    Keep speaking the truth, the world needs it. Very happy to have found you here, and will definitely keep reading!


    • Alethea says:

      Alyssa, thanks so much for commenting. Your comment was not cranky at all, just truthful. I love the fact that you have your battle gear ready. That is one of my mental images for myself. I put on the outfit and image of Eowyn from the Lord of the Rings, and see myself with a sword and shield. This is my mental image of strength. I use my sword and shield to slay lies and to stop those who want to harm children, or to shield against those who say we should shut up.

      Eowyn is the blond from the second and third films. She slayed the head of the evil dead leader, (The Ringwraiths).

      • Alyssa says:

        We have more than child abuse in common — I’m a LOTR geek too. 🙂 I also tend to talk about the things people don’t want me to talk about (among other things). If reading other people’s stories is helpful, I blather away at http://www.alyssawright.blogspot.com — it’s not all abuse stuff, although that has certainly dominated the conversation recently. Nice to find another person who tells it like it is — I look forward to reading more of your posts!

  3. I’ve been searching the internet for blogs regarding childhood sexual abuse and came across this one. You are spot on talking about a difficult subject, but it’s also very true. I was sexually absued at a very young age, and my abuser taught me the pleasure of masturbation as a child because he masturbated upon me. You are quite right, too, in your statement, “Many people have psychological, emotional, and physical problems that are directly connected to having moments of pleasure that the abuse and attention made their mind and body feel as children.”

    People don’t want to talk about it, but it needs to be said. When one in four little girls in today’s society suffer sexual abuse, it’s time someone pulled back the curtains and told the world the truth of the horrible act and its consequences upon innocenct lives.

    • Alethea says:

      J.D, I am super grateful that you commented. Sometimes I post with my desire to freely express myself and to be true to myself and to help others who feel the same, and no one comments. I so appreciate the feedback from you, “M”, J9, and Kristy.

      When I first began to heal and deal with all the aspects of child sexual abuse, I found it so comforting when I read or heard that someone else had also experienced the same kind of things I had gone through. This is why I post articles like this.

      Thank you all.

  4. Anonymous says:

    First of all if what Alethea says bothers you STOP READING IT! I on the other hand appreciate her (Alethea) honesty and courage. This person who wishes you to silence yourself should really talk with someone that that their compfortable with about why your mission bothers them so much. There are some deeper issues when words can incite so much annimosity and accusations of being a sexual deviant. Alethea continue to do what you feel you are called to do and to hell with those who judge without inflection. -M

    • Alethea says:

      “M”, I am very thankful for your comment. I truly appreciate it when I get support over the really tough-to-face subjects. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to comment.

  5. J9 says:

    Besides, since when do molesters need a green light?

    • Alethea says:

      That’s right J9. Child sexual abusers are going to do it anyway, and most of them already know that children sometimes respond well.

  6. Kristy says:

    Keep it up girl! We need more “TRUTH” out there!

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