Mother Goes To Jail Instead Of Allowing Ex-Husband To See His Children

“YORK, Maine — A former town resident and mother of two minor children says she will go to jail in March to bring awareness of the problem of domestic abuse.

Heather Caldwell-Mason, 44, of Iowa, said she will turn herself in on an arrest warrant from York District Court and serve seven days in jail during her spring break from college in Iowa, starting March 25.

She’s going to jail because of her refusal to comply with a court order to disclose where she and the children are living, for fear of her former husband knowing the address, she said.

“I wouldn’t release my address to an abuser,” she said. “I’m afraid of him. I refuse to give a physical address to a man who has abused me and my children.”

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Family and friends will look after her children while she’s in jail, she said.

“I very much want to serve my jail sentence,” Caldwell-Mason said. “I don’t want it to go unnoticed. I want it to be known this is happening in Maine. I know this is just not happening to me. I’m going to jail not just for myself, but for all women.”

Sounds a little self-righteous. Not “all” women are good mothers, and many of them abuse children and allow the abuse of their child.

On Jan. 2, York District Court Judge Michael Cantara issued an order for a warrant of arrest against Caldwell-Mason, ordering her to serve seven days in York County Jail and pay $1,500, due Jan. 18. The judge found her in contempt of court, for failing to appear for a scheduled family hearing that same day.

“For no good reason,” Cantara said in the order, Caldwell-Mason has ignored and failed to comply with an August order to keep the children in York County.

Caldwell-Mason claims her former husband subjected the family to emotional and verbal abuse, and their children also to physical abuse.

Attorney James Smith of Biddeford, representing the ex-husband, denies Caldwell-Mason’s claims. There are no charges against his client, said Smith, a statement confirmed by Caldwell-Mason.

“(My client) does not want Heather Caldwell-Mason to go to jail. He wants to see his children,” Smith said. “She is doing a disservice to women of domestic violence by portraying herself as a domestic violence victim.”

In 2003, a caseworker from the state Department of Human Services, Bureau of Child and Family Services, sent a letter to Caldwell-Mason’s former husband, while the couple was still married. The department substantiated “physical abuse” to the children who had disclosed, “that you had spanked them on more than one occasion and that red marks remained afterwards,” the caseworker said, according to the letter.

I am not a supporter of spanking. I think it is a violent act that creates nothing but anger in the child. However, it is not grounds for a father to not be able to see his children. If spanking is the only issue, he can have parenting classes and be educated on the fact that spanking does more harm than good.

Smith said his client, “did not take it as seriously as he should have at the time.” His client never appealed the decision, he said. “This is the one thing she has that she keeps putting out.”

The couple divorced in 2005. His client lives in York County, though not in York, Smith said.

Under state law, a parent may not relocate children without the consent of the other parent or approval of the court, according to an August 2012 court order on the case. However, Caldwell-Mason notified her ex-husband she was moving and taking their 14-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son to Iowa while traveling to that state, according to the order from Judge André Janelle. She was ordered to immediately return to York County until the court could conduct a hearing.

Smith said his client received an e-mail in June 2012 that Caldwell-Mason was taking the children to live in Iowa, during a time when he was seeing them every other weekend and on Wednesday nights for dinner.

“My client hasn’t seen his kids since Aug. 10. She just thumbed her nose at the court,” Smith said. “We filed a motion for contempt.”

Caldwell-Mason said she has offered her ex-husband visitation rights, but what he really wants is to retain control over the family.

She has remarried; Smith said his client has moved on and only wants to see his children.

Smith, who has been representing his client since 2008, said when he first got involved, the case was a matter of adjusting child support.

In the hearings on support, she never talked about domestic or child abuse,” he said. “The allegations of abuse began later on.”

Smith has indicated it’s taken distance to come to terms with what happened, and to heal.

A domestic violence hotline coordinator said she could make no comment on a specific case. However, in general, it’s not unusual for victims of domestic abuse to keep quiet, said Betsy Fleurent, a volunteer and hotline program coordinator for Caring Unlimited. To survive, especially if the male abuser is the breadwinner, many victims do not go to the police, she said.

“Most is not reported,” she said. “Control over someone is not a crime.”

I’m having a little trouble with this woman. On the face it looks like a strong woman, willing to go to jail for the safety of her children. But the allegations arising later on in the divorce, and that it is said to be just spanking, is weird. There is obviously much more to this story than we will probably ever know.



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4 Responses to Mother Goes To Jail Instead Of Allowing Ex-Husband To See His Children

  1. Marjie says:

    Having several friends who have come out of abusive situations I can believe it took some time and distance from the events for this woman to really understand what haqppened. Sometimes it takes decades and by then the children are raised.

    • Alethea says:

      “I can believe it took some time and distance from the events for this woman to really understand what happened.”

      True Marjie, but if it was just spanking, then she is wrong.

  2. Mar says:

    I’m just wondering what your take is on the Fiona Doyle case in Ireland recently, I can’t see any link to e-mail you directly, but I think it is something that would be of interest to you, her story is very similar to yours, and the ‘sentence’ her father got has shocked the nation.

    • Alethea says:

      Dear Mar,

      I had not heard of the case, so thank you. I just posted an article on this.

      All my best,

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