Grateful For Beauty and for Ugliness

I just want to say how grateful I am to have so many readers.

I am also very thankful to all the beautiful people who comment frequently on my Blog with love, support, truth, and brutal honesty about your personal pain, shame, anger, and horrific abuse experiences. I am so thankful that you have all helped one another, and responded to others when I can’t always get to everyone’s comments.

When I began this Blog it was for me mostly. I had no idea that it would end up snowballing into such a large following, and a place where so many beautiful survivors have shared their journey.

I am also grateful to my silent readers, who never comment, but who keep reading.

I would also like to thank the people who have attacked, demeaned, and criticized me with venom and personal insults…the disbelievers, the hypocrites, the liars, the child abuser apologists. You help me strengthen my soul every time you attack me, call me a liar, or try to personally offend me as a human being.

Part of my healing journey is to learn to not be affected by you, or to react to you with an attack. My healing is as much about letting go of my ego-self (the part of us that wants to lash out and hurt those who attack us) as it is about healing physically, emotionally, and mentally. So thank you for your ugliness, because it helps me evolve out of my ego-self and to feel joy instead of pain when someone attacks me personally.

One of my hobbies is nature photography. I thought I would offer some beauty in the midst of all the pain, fear, anger, and suffering in this world.

Enjoy!

Alpine Heaven

Alpine Heaven

Winter's Grace

Winter’s Grace

Peaceful Moments

Peaceful Moments

Early Spring Elk

Early Spring Elk

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59 Responses to Grateful For Beauty and for Ugliness

  1. Grace says:

    Thank you for your comment, Little Nel.

    I never thought that God would bless me in this very particular way. With the guidance of my therapist, I have realized that this kitty cat is a living manifestation of exactly why my eye sight was faulty, and more importantly, why I need to heal it.

    My poor eye sight and the diagnosis of a serious disease of the cornea (which eventually leads to blindness) has come from my own unwillingness to see and See (capital S intentional). I was afraid of seeing, of facing the ugliness of the abuse and its effects on me. So I was, quite literally, making myself blind. This angel cat reminds me that IF I DO NOT SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE, I CANNOT ACT. By seeing the abusive situation of this cat with true vision and clarity, and deep understanding, I was able to step in and save her. God brought the cat into my life to remind me of this powerful step on my healing journey.

    This is why I have no doubt of what you said, Little Nel, that my eyesight will continue to improve. As it does, I will be more able to See how to approach this shifting relationship with my sister.

    Peace to you,
    Grace

    • Alethea says:

      What beautiful testimony of this therapy we do with Ysatis. More proof that the MIND creates illness and disease –even disease of the eyes.

      • L.Day says:

        More proof that the MIND creates illness and disease –even disease of the eyes.
        + I agree with you. My mind has created illness and disease in my body. I look forward to seeing my health restored.
        Until the 1800s, most believed that emotions were linked to disease and advised patients to visit spas or seaside resorts when they were ill. Gradually emotions lost favor as other causes of illness, such as bacteria or toxins, emerged, and new treatments such as antibiotics cured illness after illness.
        Today, we accept that there is a powerful mind-body connection through which emotional, mental, social, spiritual, and behavioral factors can directly affect our health.

        • L.Day says:

          Here’s are some interesting facts:
          •An imbalance between your rational mind and your emotions will cause digestive upset, constipation, diarrhea or digestive disorders. That’s because your mental ‘digestion’ or assimilation process is mirrored by your body’s physical assimilation process
          •Resentment and bitterness are like acid. They cause inflammation and pain. •Arthritis is bottled-up hurt
          •Cancer is a deep secret, hatred, guilt, or grief ‘eating away’ at you.
          • Thoracic back pain shows no emotional support or love. Middle back pain is carrying the weight of the past.

          • L.Day says:

            Alethea this information is great. It is astounding proof of what you said: The mind creates illness and disease—even disease of the eyes. Wow!!! No wonder so many people are ill with various diseases.
            <Studies have shown that negative emotions actually weaken your body, while positive emotions strengthen your body. Shame has the most devastating effect, followed by guilt, apathy, grief, fear, anxiety, craving, anger and hate
            Since your body/mind/spirit are all connected, negative emotions reflect in your face and change the appearance of eyes, expression, skin texture, color and tension

            So, negative emotions really DO cause disease and illness and pre-mature aging!
            Powerful emotions such as pain, fear, grief, disappointment, panic, anxiety, anger, and longing, shock your body like an electrical charge, leaving scars or lesions along your neural pathways. This disrupts your body's natural energy flow
            According to Dr David Suzuki, condensed molecules from breath exhaled from verbal expressions of anger, hatred, and jealousy, contain toxins. Accumulated over 1 hr, these toxins are enough to kill 80 guinea pigs! Anger damages the liver and gall bladder. Anger toward another person is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die!

            It doesn't help to hold back or deny your emotions. The very nature of energy is movement. When you bury or control your feelings, their energy can't flow outward properly and dissipate naturally. You may think you have controlled how you felt, but the energy of it is still at work
            Energy has to move. If an emotion isn't expressed (outward movement), it is suppressed (inward movement). The result of controlling or stifling emotional energy is frustration, anger, depression, physical pain, control issues, emotional 'shut-down', or self-sabotage. Self-judgement, low self-esteem and unworthiness may develop. This inhibits your ability to create or receive what you really want in life. You learn to expect little joy in your life and settle for less than your soul needs to flourish.

            MEASURING EMOTIONS Emotions are simply a form of energy that runs through your body like an electrical current. Each emotion has its own measurable energy frequency
            Basic instinctive emotions such as anger and fear resonate at 6.5 htz–the same frequency as the colour red.
            Unconditional love resonates at 100 htz, the same frequency as ultra-violet light. It is the highest known frequency.

            • Grace says:

              L.Day,
              This is amazing – would you be able to provide the link where you found this information? I would love to print it off and share it with my family/friends and students!

              Also, you say “Since your body/mind/spirit are all connected, negative emotions reflect in your face and change the appearance of eyes, expression, skin texture, color and tension” — this is SO true. When I allow thoughts and emotions to take control, to reign supreme, my skin immediately reacts. I have waves of acne that come and go, and I know that it is always linked to emotions (usually fear and anger).

              I cannot say enough about how the therapy that Alethea and I do. It was through this therapy that I realized the link between body/mind/spirit in a true sense.

              • L.Day says:

                Hi Grace,
                Here is the link. I apologize for not posting the link. I usually do so, but I got (so) excited about this information as well. The information was easy to read and so well organized on this website. Here is the link: http://www.enlightenedfeelings.com/body.html

                >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I cannot say enough about how the therapy that Alethea and I do. It was through this therapy that I realized the link between body/mind/spirit in a true sense.>>>>>>>
                >I am motivated to start this therapy in about a month…due to Alethea’s enthusiastic, informative and exciting ways of talking about her healing and Hypoanalysis therapy. Talk therapy has not done me much very good over the years. I am greatly encouraged due to your deeper realization of the body/ mind/ spirit after taking part in the therapy. I, too, hope to achieve this awakening. I have read about the mind/ body/ spirit reaction for years, but it will be nice to actually experience the results in my own body.
                It is funny that you should mention acne. I just had a few weeks with rashes on my face and acne. It was so frustrating. I felt a lot of anger at the time that I was experiencing the rashes and acne. This has cleared up now that I am feeling peaceful and calm. I agree with you as far as this being amazing to understand with firm realizations. I look forward to that!

          • Alethea says:

            Hi L. Day,

            It is true that an imbalance between your rational mind and your emotions will cause digestive upset, constipation, diarrhea or digestive disorders. The subconscious mind does not care what is rational, logical, or what we want, or think. The SC mind is where unhealed, unchecked, unresolved, sometimes unknown and unheard, emotions are held. The SC mind just wants to be heard and to be helped. But if the conscious mind is not ready to remember, know, or handle the emotions in the SC mind, then the body will hold the pain until the person is ready. The body holds the grief in physical form (disease and illness) until the conscious mind can deal with it and eventually heal it in full.

            But each person is unique. One person’s back pain might be anger, and another person’s back pain might be guilt, or even a repressed memory of having been physically hurt by an abuser in that same exact area of the back.

            Yes, resentment and bitterness are like acid, but they can also cause cancer. Although, for some people, it is true that cancer is a deep secret, hatred, guilt, or grief ‘eating away’ at the person. Again, every person is different and each person needs to penetrate the SC mind to find out the exact cause of their physical problem. Otherwise, assigning specific kinds of grief to specific disease or pain, is no better than assigning labels to psychological disorders that need to be penetrated in depth for the root cause.

            • L.Day says:

              But each person is unique. One person’s back pain might be anger, and another person’s back pain might be guilt, or even a repressed memory of having been physically hurt by an abuser in that same exact area of the back.

              Yes, resentment and bitterness are like acid, but they can also cause cancer. Although, for some people, it is true that cancer is a deep secret, hatred, guilt, or grief ‘eating away’ at the person. Again, every person is different and each person needs to penetrate the SC mind to find out the exact cause of their physical problem. Otherwise, assigning specific kinds of grief to specific disease or pain, is no better than assigning labels to psychological disorders that need to be penetrated in depth for the root cause.
              >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
              Thanks for pointing out that each person is unique and the mind body response is not a cookie cutter approach! Most of the literature I have read does not point this out and get that specific. This is disappointing to say the least. I am sure people are just self diagnosing and saying I have this or that and Aunt Susie has this …with out an in depth analysis of the SC mind.
              This is unfortunate…. because many people will miss “the true cause” of their suffering and focus on the wrong thing. Many thanks for pointing this out.
              I was in a ministry that focused on the “mind body response” to sickness a few years back and it was awful. The man over this ministry concluded that FEAR was THE reason why people get MCS. He determined without penetrating the subconscious mind why various aliments were present in the body. He did this without any logic or rhyme or reason. What happened? A beautiful lady (inside out) followed his approach and addressed the fear that was troubling her… to become healed of MCS. She did become healed of MCS but she later developed another illness, which was cancer of the tongue and/or throat. This was the same disease that had killed her grandmother. It turns out that she needed to be addressing other emotional problems that contributed to the cancer but she was focused on FEAR only. She underwent a grueling round of chemo and the cancer left but she was so sad that this ministers approach did not work. She was an overachiever and deep into performance and success. You would not believe some of the things that people believed would heal them in this healing ministry. (((((The lady I just mentioned believed that if she sat around chemicals and endured the painful reactions ….her body would stop reacting and she would win the battle. This was her approach to overcoming FEAR.)))))) She said it worked after many months and she threw out her face masks and stopped eating pure organic food and took back all the foods that are made to eat. I was in shock because pure organic food is better for the body. Her poor approach to addressing her fear left an open door for her to get cancer. She could have died. I am glad I got out of this ministry and never looked back. Thanks for all you do to educate people and promote proper understanding. 🙂

        • Alethea says:

          L. Day, it is accepted by many people that there is a mind/body/spiritual connection, but medical doctors will not accept it, or if they do *somewhat*, it is never to the point that it can help anyone.

          Then, we have people who consider themselves enlightened, or on the spiritual path, but who totally disregard the subconscious mind.

      • Little Nel says:

        Hi Alethea and Grace,

        I agree that our therapy heals our bodies. My digestive problems have subsided since I have ridded myself of a lot of unfounded and undeserved guilt that was put on to me in childhood from my stepsister and her alcoholic mother.

        I have also been healed of my life long sinus problems through this same course of therapy. I found out that my “baggage” was not mine at all. The abuse and neglect had caused me to feel fearful, and guilty, coupled with thoughts of dread. What a relief it is to give back the “baggage” to the ones who dumped it on me.

        Thank you for telling me about Dr. Saint-Simone and her amazing therapy.

  2. Little Nel says:

    “My healed-self allows me to be true to myself, without fearing the disapproval of others”

    I think that the fear of disapproval from others was something that I had to accommodate and rely on as a “self-protective wrap”, as a child, to shield me from all kinds of pain and humiliation.

    Somehow that protective wrap became embedded in my skin and made me feel more discomfort later on in life than the disapproval of others did, but I had no idea how to shed that defective skin.

    It was a process to allow myself to accept the idea that this “self-protective wrap” was not working for me as it had in childhood. It had became a hindrance. It was keeping me from experiencing intimacy and love in my most cherished relationships. It kept me silent when I needed to speak up. It distorted my thoughts and feelings with confusion.

    Luckily, after confusion comes clarity. The healing seems to come naturally as we allow ourselves to understand our part in it all.

  3. Little Nel says:

    “to feel joy instead of pain when someone attacks me personally”

    What a profound statement!

    You have given me something to consider as an alternative to neutralize the feelings of pain associated with personal attacks from those who want to control my thoughts and behavior.

    What a freedom that concept gives to the individual who embraces it.

    • Alethea says:

      Little Nel, this is when true freedom and peace are found within a person. I strive for nothing less.

  4. melissa lee says:

    You are a gifted writer and photographer…
    People would rather die then hear the truth about their lives or someone elses..
    Keep writing and I will keep reading and posting on facebook…:))))

    Melissa Lee

    • Alethea says:

      Thank you Melissa,

      “People would rather die than hear the truth about their lives..”

      This is a most profound, but sad, truth.

      The truth liberates us, but the lies we tell ourselves kills us.

      Thank you so much for sharing, and encouraging me. Any chance I can use this quote in my book?

      ~Alethea

    • Lauren Day says:

      People would rather die then hear the truth about their lives or someone elses..

      _I concur! Great or Superb Quote!
      I will borrow a sentence from a book called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy By Steven C. Hayes, “Entanglement with your own mind leads automatically to experiential avoidance.”

  5. Marjie says:

    Beautiful photos. They made me take a deep breath just imagining being there.

  6. L.Day says:

    Beautiful photos!
    When I see pictures of clouds, I am reminded of God!

  7. Sam says:

    Part of my healing journey is to learn to not be affected by you, or to react to you with an attack. My healing is as much about letting go of my ego-self (the part of us that wants to lash out and hurt those who attack us) as it is about healing physically, emotionally, and mentally. So thank you for your ugliness, because it helps me evolve out of my ego-self and to feel joy instead of pain when someone attacks me personally.

    ////////Your words are beautiful. I kept wondering how you maintained your cool with comments on ugly but healing truths about child sexual abuse. Thanks for letting us bloggers know how you did it. That is not an easy feat for me. I come from a family that reacted out of anger, to everything that happened. I, too, became a reactionary person. I am learning to listen to others (negativity) and remain true to who I am: peaceful, calm, kind, and loving. This is a growing progress for me. One day at a time! 🙂

    • Alethea says:

      Thank you Sam. 🙂

      Cecibel was nothing compared to the people who post comments that I don’t allow to go through. You should read some of the ugly, extremely personal, and outright vicious comments I get from women.

      • Sam says:

        You should read some of the ugly, extremely personal, and outright vicious comments I get from women.

        >What???? Are you kidding? I hope so, but I know you are not. I am saddened to hear this and stunned. But this is the internet and some real interesting people hang out in cyberspace. I don’t understand why females would write you vicious comments. I do have a friend that always defends men, even if they rape etc. She was raped herself. I gave up trying to give her my opinion on the Kobe Bryant Case
        I am now much more aware of how hurt women are. I was once told that, “hurt people hurt other people.” I am glad you are letting the vicious comments roll off, like water off a duck’s back! ! ! 🙂 P.S. I am female. Thanks for the book recommendation’s.
        I have to say that these women posters are more than likely jealous. You take a great photo and some women still view beauty as a total outer body experience. This could be one of the reasons for the comments. I am glad I don’t operate with this base level of thinking. Have a great week..

        Those who believe in nothing are very, very jealous and angry at those who believe in something. Dennis Prager

        • Alethea says:

          Dear Sam,

          Nope, not kidding. Don’t be sad. They don’t bother me. I use every hate-ridden word to exercise my emotional, spiritual, and psychological muscles. The more they attack, the stronger I become.

          “I don’t understand why females would write you vicious comments.”

          It is not surprising at all. Women are driven by emotion. Men are more rational, and often more truthful with themselves, and others. I find men to be less judgmental. Both genders have their pros and cons.

          But this kind of experience with women is nothing new to me. I am ridiculed by this woman (I don’t approve her comments because it would clog up my Blog with one big bag of garbage) for liking the company of men better…well hello! This woman is the living example of why I have more peace and fun in the company of men. Women can be very vile and competitive towards other women. And then I am ridiculed by her for daring to be honest. What should I do… lie to myself and the world about my feelings and experiences with women in order to go along with what is expected of me by this woman, or by society, just because I am a woman?

          I know my Blog is read mostly by women, and that nearly all the comments are from women, but I don’t know any of my readers, and maybe in “real” life I would be good friends with some of them, but this Blog is about discussing/educating/sharing about very serious issues that affect children, and adults in profound ways. I love all my readers for very different reasons, but we comment here (most of us anyway) to help children, and each other. This Blog isn’t about going for a walk, or having dinner with friends. So I hope my female readers don’t get upset that I enjoy, and prefer, the company of men when I choose to go out and socialize in my personal life.

          ~Alethea

          • Sam says:

            So I hope my female readers don’t get upset that I enjoy, and prefer, the company of men when I choose to go out and socialize in my personal life.

            >I do not get upset about it. I actually understand it. I go to a sauna at a local health club and the men who come in the sauna are so much fun to talk to. I don’t know if a “truth button” was in the sauna, but these men would open up and tell me some of their challenges quite often. I would listen and give them my honest opinions and share about my own life as well. I met one guy, and his nickname name was SpongeBob. He shared so many great stories with me.
            Therefore, I understand enjoying the company of men. I wanted to adopt SpongeBob and make him my uncle. He was such a great guy.

            • Alethea says:

              Thanks Sam 🙂

              The other thing about men is that they don’t judge me, or compare themselves to me. They just joke and tell great stories.

              There is a normal male/female energy that society likes to forget/ignore. It is natural for men and women to interact, share, etc. But America is so uptight about it.

              Glad you had fun.

          • Sam says:

            Nope, not kidding. Don’t be sad. They don’t bother me. I use every hate-ridden word to exercise my emotional, spiritual, and psychological muscles. The more they attack, the stronger I become.
            >Hi, I recently made a comment about Michael Jackson on a website. I used my goggle account to make the comment. I did not expect to get any negative feedback. I called him a Pedophile etc and some of his fans do not like this. One fan said, How do you know? You were not there! So shut the hell up! I was going to try and stop these negative comments from coming to me, but I decided to let them flow. I am choosing to let these comments make me stronger at reading negative feedback. This is a needed skill in our (negative) society today. In addition, I am standing up for the kids he sexually abused and calling him what he truly was!

            • Alethea says:

              Sam, your words bring me a great big smile this morning. You don’t know how awesome this is to me. You are an amazing person. Keep up the good work!!!!

              • Sam says:

                Thanks….
                I am reminded of a quote: Stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right and part with him when he goes wrong. Abraham Lincoln
                Michael Jackson went wrong…..

              • Alethea says:

                Yes Sam. We cannot abide by the old saying of “support your family and friends no matter what.” We must always support truth and justice.

                “United we stand, divided we fall” is a self-serving motto. It is saying, ‘if you are one of us, you will break your principles.’………’if you go against us, you break the family apart.’

                I am joyfully the “black sheep” of my family.

          • Lull LTD says:

            I think your vital mission —anti-sexual abuse— outweighs your personal preference or choice of social companions.
            In other words, your crucial mission stands alone or is a cut above the rest (meaning it is higher in importance).
            Your mission is separate from your personal life. I don’t think your personal life is anybody’s business. We live in a tabloid happy society that obscures the line between professional (or public) and personal (or private).
            Mind you, Some may find it mind boggling that you (a female) opponent of child sexual abuse prefer the company of men while socializing. However, I think that it is an indicator of how much deep healing your psyche has received. Many women are anti-men after being hurt by a man, although we are not hurt by all men! (or women.. for that matter) True healing has occurred when a female survivor can rise above emotional reasoning or presuming that negative feelings expose the true nature of things, and experiencing reality as a reflection of emotionally linked thoughts.
            I am impressed with your level of healing. The other parts of the equation, as to why you prefer the company of men over women, may have its origin deep within the psyche. It’s no one’s business but yours. Great Blog!

            • Alethea says:

              Lull…

              What a refreshing, beautiful comment. You are so smart! Your words are of great encouragement to me this morning. My personal life is indeed no one’s business. I foolishly allowed the ugliness of others to draw me into their web. I exposed my personal preferences and discussed my personal financial situation all because of of someone’s vindictive ugliness. I need to learn to discern between my need to voice myself without fear and with freedom….and not exposing my personal business (unless it can help someone).

              My healing has indeed allowed me to break free of social expectations of me, and of feeling I need to be just like other women just because I am a woman. My healed-self allows me to be true to myself, without fearing the disapproval of others.

              Yet, when it comes to my psyche and women, one has to look at the facts:

              I grew up with four women, and one man. The man was the only one who gave me any attention/affection/human closeness…even if it was in the form of sexual abuse. The other four did not provide any protection, love, affection, or companionship. A couple of them hated me, two abused me sexually.

              When I became an adult, I met a man who has stuck by me for 25 years, without selfishness, and who loves me unconditionally, and who has sacrificed a lot for me –my husband.

              I have had several women friends whom I allowed into my life. Most of them ended up betraying, abandoning deceiving, lying, and totally blowing me away with their lack of regard for the life of animals.

              Is it any wonder that my preference to spend my time is with men? or by myself?

              Thank you for your comment. It made my day.

              ~Alethea

              • Lull LTD says:

                Alethea, You are so welcome.
                I am a huge work in progress my own self. You are a lot farther alone than I am. If you happened to slow down any….. I may be able to catch up some. Smile:) …. Just kidding. Don’t slow down. There is too much work to be done.

                >>>>I exposed my personal preferences and discussed my personal financial situation all because of someone’s vindictive ugliness. I need to learn to discern between my need to voice myself without fear and with freedom….and not exposing my personal business (unless it can help someone).

                I can understand where you are coming from. You were silenced as a child, so speaking up and out.. has become very important to you. I am sure it was not easy (automatically remembering) to put restrictions on this. I am glad you will be using those restrictions.

                >>>>>>Is it any wonder that my preference to spend my time is with men? or by myself?
                No! I can definitely understand. I would prefer men also…if 4 women in my home mistreated or abused me.

                >>>>>>The man was the only one who gave me any attention/affection/human closeness…even if it was in the form of sexual abuse.
                Alethea I understand this …although it is “jacked up” at the same time. (Meaning I wish the women had been loving) The person who sexually assaulted me was the only person to show me any attention/affection/human closeness. He was the only person to ever tell me I was beautiful. I had never heard this until he said it. It is bittersweet to have to let him go completely….so I can live again. He said many other things about me, that enabled me to see myself in a positive light, as far as external (&internal) beauty.

                >>>>>>When I became an adult, I met a man who has stuck by me for 25 years, without selfishness, and who loves me unconditionally, and who has sacrificed a lot for me –my husband.
                I am married 24 years to a man who has stuck by me. He has even suffered financially sticking by me. I almost said more, but I will remember to keep my personal life private. It is easy (for all of us) to forget the internet is not private at all.

                >>>>>I foolishly allowed the ugliness of others to draw me into their web. I exposed my personal preferences and discussed my personal financial situation all because of of someone’s vindictive ugliness

                You are so welcome.
                I am a huge work in progress my own self. You are a lot farther alone than I am. If you happened to slow down any….. I may be able to catch up some. Smile:) …. Just kidding. Don’t slow down. There is too much work to be done.

                >>>>I exposed my personal preferences and discussed my personal financial situation all because of someone’s vindictive ugliness. I need to learn to discern between my need to voice myself without fear and with freedom….and not exposing my personal business (unless it can help someone).

                I can understand where you are coming from. You were silenced as a child, so speaking up and out.. has become very important to you. I am sure it was not easy (automatically remembering) to put restrictions on this. I am glad you will be using those restrictions.

                >>>>>>Is it any wonder that my preference to spend my time is with men? or by myself?
                No! I can definitely understand. I would prefer men also…if 4 women in my home mistreated me.

                >>>>>>The man was the only one who gave me any attention/affection/human closeness…even if it was in the form of sexual abuse.
                Alethea I understand this …although it is “jacked up” at the same time. (Meaning I wish the women had been loving) The person who sexually assaulted me was the only person to show me any attention/affection/human closeness. He was the only person to ever tell me I was beautiful. I had never heard this until he said it. It is bittersweet to have to let him go completely….so I can live again. He said many other things about me, that enabled me to see myself in a positive light, as far as external (&internal) beauty.

                >>>>>>When I became an adult, I met a man who has stuck by me for 25 years, without selfishness, and who loves me unconditionally, and who has sacrificed a lot for me –my husband.
                I am married 24 years to a man who has stuck by me. He has even suffered financially sticking by me. I almost said more, but I will remember to keep my personal life private. It is easy (for all of us) to forget the internet is not private at all.

                >>>>>I foolishly allowed the ugliness of others to draw me into their web.
                I am glad these “venomous people” will not be taking up anymore of your time. They are clearly a distraction from your “purpose”. I don’t think they deserve a response!
                Have a super week!

              • Lull LTD says:

                Alethea, You are so welcome.
                I am a huge work in progress my own self.

                I APOLOGIZE… I do not know how my comment has appeared twice on this message. Maybe you can delete some of the parts that are a repeat. Again. I apologize. This has never happened to me…… Thanks for understanding.

  8. Kiyoko says:

    Dear Alethea,

    Congratulations on your blog! I’ve found it recently and have been reading your articles these days.
    Last year I was listening to a lecture where the lecturer talked about a person who had remembered, as adult, that she was sexually abused as a kid… I had heard that lecture before at least 3 times, but this time that speech made me feel extremely unconfortable. A few moments later, the memories began like to emerge… I remembered being sexually abused by my father and uncle. The memories were visual and kinesthetic – I felt it again in my body. It was so painful and disgusting and scary that I felt a so intense nausea that I had to put the hand over my mouth and made a huge effort in order to not vomit right there. I just couldn’t believe it… In all my life, everytime I heard stories about sexual abuse I thought “oh, I’m so glad it never happened to me!”… I really couldn’t imagine.
    A few days later I told my memories to one of the people I trusted the most… she didn’t believe me, she said I was being induced by the lecturer… I had a panic attack as soon as she told me this. The suffering was so intense I had dissociative amnesia AGAIN – until today, I can’t remember almost nothing from the next 6 weeks after I told this to her. I’m a psychologist myself (but not working as a psychologist right know), I know quite well that the memories were real… especially because so many things in my life started to make sense.
    I’m really glad about your blog and your courage to state so many things about sexual abuse that the society ignores – your post “Ugly -But Healing- Truths About Child Sexual Abuse” was very helpful. Only now I’m being able to honestly look at my feelings about the abuse and admit that I felt pleasure during the experience. This is bringing me a relief I couldn’t imagine!… I also decided to create a blog to expose my thoughts and experiences, hoping this may help my own recovery and ot others. I’m brazilian, the Blog will be in portuguese – I don’t know if you speak portuguese, but if you do you are so welcome!

    Thank you so much!

    • Little Nel says:

      Hi Kiyoko,

      I’m glad that you posted this.

      “The memories were visual and kinesthetic.”

      “I know quite well that the memories were real… especially because so many things in my life started to make sense.”

      I can relate.

    • Alethea says:

      Dear Kiyoko,

      So sorry it took me so long to reply.

      Thank you for reading my Blog.

      Repressed memory can remain lodged deep in the psyche before it is ready to be faced. Until then, a person can live a somewhat “normal” life, but once the soul is ready to release them, the triggers begin.

      I too told a couple of “friends” when I began to remember the incest. One of them said, “are you sure?” in a condescending way, the other stopped talking to me. But the vast majority of people I told, were not only supportive, but revealed that they too had been sexually abused, but just never told anyone other than their husband. My telling, provoked their lack of shame and fear…thus, they too were able to open up. I had ten friends tell me of their childhood sexual abuse. Ten women that I previously had NO idea were sexually abused until I spoke up.

      I might have other portuguese readers, so please share your Blog when you get it going.

      Thank you for your words of encouragement. 🙂

      Have a beautiful day.

      • L.Day says:

        Until then, a person can live a somewhat “normal” life, but once the soul is ready to release them, the triggers begin.

        >>>>>I am so happy to read this. Triggers are actually for my good! Yeah! I am glad my soul is ready to release the memories. I just felt a little sad. I am sure their are many complex reasons for that. The psyche is an amazing organ.

      • Little Nel says:

        “had been sexually abused… but never told anyone but their husband”
        How is it that we can marry such amazing men?

        Have we been given a special gift that enables us to see God’s Grace at work? Our men suffer with us and comfort us and they don’t condemn us.

        • L.Day says:

          How is it that we can marry such amazing men?
          Our men suffer with us and comfort us and they don’t condemn us.
          >It is for sure by the Grace of God that we marry amazing men …Little Nel. I am very thankful for my husband. He is a dream come true for me. He has stood by my side, when no one else was there. He is just like you said: suffers with me, comforts me, and does not condemn me. I am so blessed.

    • L.Day says:

      A few moments later, the memories began like to emerge… I remembered being sexually abused by my father and uncle. The memories were visual and kinesthetic – I felt it again in my body. It was so painful and disgusting and scary that I felt a so intense nausea that I had to put the hand over my mouth and made a huge effort in order to not vomit right there. I just couldn’t believe it… In all my life, everytime I heard stories about sexual abuse I thought “oh, I’m so glad it never happened to me!”… I really couldn’t imagine.

      >>>>>I, too, experienced nausea and vomiting. I read that it is my mind or body’s response to the trauma (rape). I also said, “I am glad it never happened to me, when a friend told me…. her uncle sexually assaulted her and threatened her.”

      Only now I’m being able to honestly look at my feelings about the abuse and admit that I felt pleasure during the experience. This is bringing me a relief I couldn’t imagine!…

      >>>>>>I agree with you, as far as it bringing huge relief, to admit to feeling pleasure during the experience. I do not fully understand this dynamic, but it is amazing how the psyche begins to heal, when it is allowed to admit truth!

  9. mglvsjc says:

    Thanks for the beautiful photos! Nothing makes me feel more at peace than Creation….especially mountains and streams! I am retiring from Ft. Lauderdale to Idaho in 4 years. I know the peace and extra deep connection I feel to God when surrounded by His astounding beauty and nature will help with everything. Althea you are so right…we know how strong we are getting when the stupid comments…the let it go’s ,the you are taking too long to heal..it’s all about forgiveness and the really bright…If it’s not rape, just molested then that’s not really sexual abuse….loll confidence in you own recovery is a good feeling! I think without confronting evil and the ugly things in life…it can be very hard see the true good and beauty.

    • Alethea says:

      Idaho is Beautiful! I am in love with the mountains and with rivers. I thank God every day for the majestic beauty of mountains.

  10. KB says:

    Thank you for being such a beacon of hope through the trauma work and healing process. I feel like a small victory has been won by the story of the sex offender being given custody of his six year old daughter making HLN. Hopefully this will be a step towards the public realizing they are in denial that things like this are happening everyday.. Thank you for what you do.
    KB.

    • Alethea says:

      Thank you KB 🙂

      Thank you for being a person willing to heal, and to hear truths.

      ~Alethea

  11. Kevin F says:

    Thanks for the lovely comments, Alethea, for all of your readers. And thanks for the nature photos. I too have found nature to be immensely soothing and healing for all kinds of difficult and negative experiences. Best wishes.

    • Alethea says:

      Nature and animals have been so healing for me. Just sitting near a river has helped me on tough days.

      • Grace says:

        Dear Friend,

        I am recently connecting on a very deep level with the power that animals and nature have to heal, so it’s nice to see you mention it. I have recently adopted a cat that was being severely neglected and emotionally abused by living in a home where she was unwanted.

        I know that God has sent her to me as a REMINDER. Serendipitously, this amazing creation of God is also linked to the healing of my faulty eyesight, which is deeply linked to my own history of childhood sexual abuse (among other things I am working to resolve).

        I feel encouraged to see your above comment, Alethea, that people who are close can become undesirable due to their total disregard of animals. I am struggling with this (the formerly neglected cat used to be a part of my sister’s family). I am still struggling with how to maintain a relationship with her now that my entire perspective of her has shifted.

        Thank you for the beautiful photos, and again for your blog.

        Love,
        Grace

        • Little Nel says:

          Grace said, “I am still struggling with how to maintain a relationship with her now that my entire perspective of her has shifted.”

          I, like Alethea, have distain for people who abuse animals because I know that it takes a “special” kind of jerk to neglect and abuse loving pets.

          I understand your dilemma. I hope that, as your eyesight improves while the cat continues to thrive under your care, that you will be able to resolve your struggles with this destructive sister. This is a difficult task but after all that you have resolved, I trust that you will find solutions.

        • Alethea says:

          Grace, my heart leaps that you have adopted an abused and neglected cat.

          The mention of your eyesight is interesting. Recently, I have healed from much more, and this has caused my eyesight to improve. I don’t need my reading glasses very much anymore. I can read my computer screen without the use of them. Five years ago, I had to get reading glasses because I could not read the computer screen without them.

          I think your new kitty is a gift from God in more ways than one. Your kitty is a symbol of true God-like Love, the kind that matters…not superficial human “love” that is selfish and conditional.

          Your kitty is a gift because God knows you can take care of it with total love.

          Your kitty shows you that people of like-consciousness will be drawn to one another, and sometimes we get tired of trying to have relationships with people who we begin to clearly see as being more selfish, ugly, or unconscious than we realized before.

          Thank you for your beautiful gift to God, by taking in this creature of Heaven.

          Love,
          ~Alethea

          • Grace says:

            Dear Alethea,

            Thank you for your encouragement. I know you are a fellow animal steward and lover. 🙂

            As I mentioned in my reply to Little Nel (which was posted twice by accident, sorry! Maybe you can delete the one that’s in the general “comments” section and not a direct reply, if you wish), my eye sight has been increasingly worse for the past 3 or so years. I have worn glasses for about 10 years, but it was just for seeing far away, while sitting in class or driving, etc. It got to the point that I was unable to read a novel in front of my face, and was unable to even correct work handed in by my students for long periods of time. The computer screen was 100 times worse, because of the light sensitivity that came from a fragmented cornea. I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the cornea, and was told that unless I have surgery it may get worse and can lead to total blindness of one or both eyes.

            I think that vision problems are particularly significant in a spiritual sense. At least, that is how my experience has been. My fear of seeing things as they are/were was making me literally blind. I was turning a blind eye (I think that saying is true for this exact reason! To “turn a blind eye” is to ignore something that you know you SHOULD do something about…). It still blows my mind how the subconscious was doing this. Thank God, I have been healing my eye sight with Ysatis. Interestingly, when I first received my “diagnosis”, the stats said that 1 in 3000 people have this disease. In 3 short years, I have read of this number increasing to 1 in approximately 900. It’s a trendy thing…goes completely hand-in-hand with the trendy eye surgeries happening everywhere nowadays.

            I think it’s amazing your eye sight has also improved as a side effect of your other healing. What a gift!

            You are so right…eventually, we do get tired of trying to forge relationships with people, especially as we begin to SEE the choices they make clearly, and realize how far they are from the consciousness we are working to adopt, manifest and honour.

            I’m looking forward to healing my eye sight completely. Animals are EXTREMELY powerful healing beings…people underestimate this fact. Thank God, I am learning it more and more.

            Peace and love to you!

            • Little Nel says:

              “animals are EXTREMELY powerful healing beings…people underestimate this fact. Thank God, I am learning it more and more.”

              Grace, you have discovered something profound. Animals are also protective of us, in ways that our own families failed to do. They are grateful for our love and return that love without any restraint or conditions.

              My animals kept me emotionally stable when I wanted to bail from reality.

              I became adept at understanding their behavior and how their minds functioned. I learned to appreciate their natural instincts, which saved me from dangerous situations by warning me and/or fighting off aggressors who wanted to hurt me.

              My “critters” had complete trust in me because I didn’t abuse them and I trusted them because I understood their natural behavior.

              • Grace says:

                Thank you, Little Nel. What heartwarming witness to the love of animals.

              • Alethea says:

                “My animals kept me emotionally stable when I wanted to bail from reality.”

                Me too LN.

                “I became adept at understanding their behavior and how their minds functioned. I learned to appreciate their natural instincts, which saved me from dangerous situations…”

                They are wonderful teachers, yet many humans think they are superior to animals.

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