Some of my regular readers may have noticed that I recently removed the header image that was on my Blog for the past two years. There is a beautiful reason for this.
This past Friday I was walking in the woods, enjoying the quiet solitude of nature. Some of my best ideas and decisive moments have come while being alone in nature.
As I was experiencing the moment, instead of allowing noisy thoughts to interfere with my day, I suddenly saw the image I am referring to, and saw my Blog in my mind. I then realized that seeing that image nearly every day, was deeply connected to the therapy work I have been doing for the past two years.
When I first posted the image as my Blog header, it was consciously intended to evoke others to want to fight against child abuse in the world, and in themselves.
After some time, the image became purely subliminal for me –a constant subconscious reminder of being silenced, unheard -and certainly not helped- by anyone in my biological family, even though I cried out for help many times.
Unbeknownst to me, I had subconsciously chosen this image to put myself in touch with the area of therapy work that was so critical and unhealed.
The removal of this image from my Blog is symbolic of the lingering trauma which haunted my mind and life these past two years.
People think serious trauma, head injuries, and death threats just ‘fly out the window’ of the mind of the child. They think if the child looks fine, and behaves as if nothing has happened, then they are not affected by trauma and repeated abuse. In addition, many people still ignorantly believe that trauma is always remembered by the adult who survived it.
There are those who hoped we would never remember.
The new image on my Blog may not be permanent, but for now, it was temporarily uploaded in order to metaphorically remove my past trauma over not being heard, nor helped, by anyone in my biological family when I was a child.
It has taken me the past two years to fully remember, comprehend, and deal with the traumas I suffered from being silenced as a child, and to not be affected by being punished by my family as an adult.
The new header image is symbolic of my warrior-self coming out of the darkness.
Through trial, pain, and suffering, I have empowered myself by conquering my fear of punishment, my fear of disturbing the silence, my fear of being called names and criticized, and my fear of not being accepted by those who do not like the truth, or who do not want to hear about the ugly and uncomfortable facts about child sexual abuse.
My warrior side has emerged, and she has rescued my inner child. Together, we will continue on the path of fighting against child sexual abuse.
I am my own mother now, and I have taken the hand of my inner child. Together we will continue to stand up to the ignorance of those who wish to believe children are ‘not that affected’ by sexual abuse and rape, and we will battle against the absurdity of telling a child, or an adult survivor, “let it go” “what’s past is past” “move on with your life.”
My inner child and I will continue down the road of defying the “family code of silence” and will try and help others to understand the seriousness of attempting to silence victims and survivors, and that child sexual abuse, family secrets, and guilt over talking about having been abused, can literally create illness and disease in the body.
My inner child and I will also take our sword of truth –take our sword to the lie that people do not repress years of trauma and sexual abuse.