Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for the millions of people who had a mother who abandoned them, or who chose to protect a child abuser or child rapist, instead of their own child.
For many people, Mother’s Day can be heartbreaking because their mother sexually abused them.
Many adult survivors of child sexual abuse are inwardly angry about Mother’s Day, but they still choose to do the ‘social pleasantries’ in order to get along with, or be accepted by the mother who abused or abandoned them.
Others will not engage in family gatherings, but will betray themselves by buying a Mother’s Day card with all the false fluff about mothers and will sign and send the card anyway, knowing the words are untrue.
I openly admit to having done all of the above in the last twenty years.
There were a number of years where I sent a card to my mother with a nice photo on the outside, with a blank page inside. Those cards are always easiest because you can write anything you want, without being a lie to yourself.
But there were a few years where I completely ignored Mother’s Days, and never sent a thing to my mother, nor called her.
Lately I have been going through some major transformational shifts in my healing. This past Wednesday, I had no intention of calling or sending my mother anything on Mother’s Day. Then, I suddenly had a huge breakthrough in therapy on Thursday, and when I finished my therapy session, I drove straight to my local artistic gift shop and began to look around for some small, but nice gifts, to ship to my mother with a beautiful card (blank inside of course).
As I approached the woman who owns the store (a friend of mine), she looked at me and said, “my gosh Alethea, you look so radiant today!” I knew exactly what she was speaking of because I could feel it in my mind and body. The heavy burden of all the anger that had manifested in my face the day before, had vanished.
This was a new day, a clean day.
I told my store-owner friend what I was doing, and she not only complimented me again, but she shared her own story of making peace with her violent mother.
It was a beautiful experience. After sharing her story, my friend and I briefly held our moment in time in an expression of trust and peace between us. She then boxed up my gifts and we parted ways.
Each and every person can go through periods of healing, and then anger again, and then healing, and then rage. They can feel pity, compassion, hatred, and resentment for their mother abuser on any given day of the week.
But each person has a right to feel however it is they happen to be feeling on or around Mother’s Day.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way of handling the day, just make sure that you are honest with yourself.
Be true to yourself because if you are not, I promise you that your inner child, or your conscience (one or the other) will make itself known in some unpleasant way.
If you can’t fathom sending a card or calling your mother, and you do so anyway, your inner child has the potential to get pretty damn angry and cause physical symptoms or make you angry at the world.
If you feel in your heart that it would be okay to call or send something, and you don’t, then your higher consciousness could have the potential to create a guilt-induced physical problem. Or you might self-punish through self-sabotaging behavior.
So feel your way through Mother’s Day, and trust your instinct. Do what would bring you the most inner peace, and if you don’t have children, then take yourself out on a nature hike. Go for a bike ride, or pack a lunch and visit a State Park.
If you are a woman who had a cruel or abusive mother, remember that you are your own mother now, and treat yourself well on Mother’s Day.
If you are a man, Mother Nature can be your mother. Love her as you would love the mother you wished you had gotten as a child. Treat Mother Nature with love, kindness, and respect.
Actually, everyone needs to do this, because animals and nature are truly like our Divine Mother.
Have a beautiful, Blessed Day on Sunday.