Mother’s Day: Often a Hard Day For Victims of Child Sexual Abuse

(Re-post from last year)

 

Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for the millions of people who had a mother who abandoned them, or who chose to protect a child abuser or child rapist, instead of their own child.

For many people, Mother’s Day can be heartbreaking because their mother sexually abused them.

Many adult survivors of child sexual abuse are inwardly angry about Mother’s Day, but they still choose to do the ‘social pleasantries’ in order to get along with, or be accepted by the mother who abused or abandoned them.

Others will not engage in family gatherings, but will betray themselves by buying a Mother’s Day card with all the false fluff about mothers and will sign and send the card anyway, knowing the words are untrue.

I openly admit to having done all of the above in the last twenty years.

There were a number of years where I sent a card to my mother with a nice photo on the outside, with a blank page inside. Those cards are always easiest because you can write anything you want, without being a lie to yourself.

But there were a few years where I completely ignored Mother’s Days, and never sent a thing to my mother, nor called her.

Lately I have been going through some major transformational shifts in my healing. This past Wednesday, I had no intention of calling or sending my mother anything on Mother’s Day. Then, I suddenly had a huge breakthrough in therapy on Thursday, and when I finished my therapy session, I drove straight to my local artistic gift shop and began to look around for some small, but nice gifts, to ship to my mother with a beautiful card (blank inside of course).

As I approached the woman who owns the store (a friend of mine), she looked at me and said, “my gosh Alethea, you look so radiant today!” I knew exactly what she was speaking of because I could feel it in my mind and body. The heavy burden of all the anger that had manifested in my face the day before, had vanished.

This was a new day, a clean day.

I told my store-owner friend what I was doing, and she not only complimented me again, but she shared her own story of making peace with her violent mother.

It was a beautiful experience. After sharing her story, my friend and I briefly held our moment in time in an expression of trust and peace between us. She then boxed up my gifts and we parted ways.

Each and every person can go through periods of healing, and then anger again, and then healing, and then rage. They can feel pity, compassion, hatred, and resentment for their mother abuser on any given day of the week.

But each person has a right to feel however it is they happen to be feeling on or around Mother’s Day.

There is no “right” or “wrong” way of handling the day, just make sure that you are honest with yourself.

Be true to yourself because if you are not, I promise you that your inner child, or your conscience (one or the other) will make itself known in some unpleasant way.

If you can’t fathom sending a card or calling your mother, and you do so anyway, your inner child has the potential to get pretty damn angry and cause physical symptoms or make you angry at the world.

If you feel in your heart that it would be okay to call or send something, and you don’t, then your higher consciousness could have the potential to create a guilt-induced physical problem. Or you might self-punish through self-sabotaging behavior.

So feel your way through Mother’s Day, and trust your instinct. Do what would bring you the most inner peace, and if you don’t have children, then take yourself out on a nature hike. Go for a bike ride, or pack a lunch and visit a State Park.

My dog is my child, and I am her mother, so we are going to go on a beautiful nature hike.

If you are a woman who had a cruel or abusive mother, remember that you are your own mother now, and treat yourself well on Mother’s Day.

If you are a man, Mother Nature can be your mother. Love her as you would love the mother you wished you had gotten as a child. Treat Mother Nature with love, kindness, and respect.

Actually, everyone needs to do this, because animals and nature are truly like our Divine Mother.

Have a beautiful, Blessed Day on Sunday.

~Alethea

_________________________________________________________

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Child Abuse. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Mother’s Day: Often a Hard Day For Victims of Child Sexual Abuse

  1. kevin11f says:

    Excellent article, Alethea, and thanks for re-posting it. It’s a great reminder for all of us.
    (I’ve finally succeeded in signing up to WordPress.com.)

    My experience is that on the week before Mother’s day, I was unable to avoid listening to TV and radio ads and seeing billboards extolling mothers and mothers’ day. They make me angry and want to vomit.
    I realised I was allowing these ads to affect and damage my emotional state. I realised I was letting my mother win by allowing her to damage me from beyond the grave and make me feel isolated, just like she did when she was alive.
    So I decided that when I saw or heard one of these ads I’ld override it by saying out loud ‘Mothers are violent, mad, mentally ill, abusive, narcissistic, stupid f–ks AND (of course) mothers are caring, loving and maternal people too.
    So I’ll honour my life experience on mother’s day without feeling I want to hide away from other people who are celebrating theirs.
    One of my inspirations in this is the Australian Aboriginal people who for decades avoided and boycotted Australia Day, which celebrates the first British landings and the beginning of Aboriginal genocide. Then, about 30 years ago, the Aboriginals began to ‘celebrate’ Australia Day, calling it Survival Day and having their own concerts and events. Today, lots of ‘white’ Australians attend Survival Day events rather than Australia Day events.
    So mother’s day is my Survival Day and I’ll celebrate my strength and endurance and the amazing human ability we all have to survive years of violence and abuse.

    • Alethea says:

      Kevin, I like your Mother’s Day as “Survival Day.” It’s a good way to get through it. Although, I have felt for a long time, that “survivors” and “survival” is inadequate, or maybe minimizes what people should be referred to, who have endured what we have.

      I know some people disagree with me, but I find the word “survivor” to be associated with ‘just existing’ and not thriving. I hope to come up with another word one day. I feel “survivors” is used so much that it has been devalued.

      • KevinF says:

        Yes, I know what you mean, Alethea. We’ve moved from being victims of child abuse to being survivors (and that’s a HUGE step). And, you’re right, we can go further.
        Maybe we can look at something like cancer for an example. ‘Victims’ get thru cancer and become ‘survivors’ and then I guess just move on to being healthy human beings (again).

        I guess what makes this process different for us is that for child abuse/sexual assault, ALL of our lives and ALL our blood, sweat and tears is tied up in and related to what happened us. Unlike cancer survivors, we have few or no memories of any healthy child or adult life prior to sexual assault. So we have to CREATE healthy adult lives from scratch. That’s my experience anyway.

Comments are closed.