“My father raped me, and my mom didn’t leave. It took years to find the power to forgive” by
Click here for her full story.
Sharisse’s story has been experienced by millions of women, in countless countries around the world. Her situation is common, even in seemingly normal families –even in middle and upper class families where the parents are college educated, high-functioning, and appear to be a well-adjusted family to their neighbors and friends.
At least 44% of mothers do not protect their child when their spouse or boyfriend has raped, or is raping, the child.
In addition, the anger towards the mother is usually not addressed by the victim. It is often shoved under the rug, or repressed, and it is downplayed by a society that tells the victim (or adult survivor) that their mother “was a victim too,” or “she did the best she could.”
Most of the time, this is not the case. usually the mother willingly protects the rapist out of her love or loyalty to him, or religious beliefs, or to keep the paychecks coming in, or to not be shamed in front of the neighbors.
My “mother” protected my father for every reason above…but mostly because she resented me, was jealous of me father —as if I was ‘the other woman,’ and because she considered me as the sexual aggressor. This is a VERY common mother/daughter relationship in incest families.
Victims and adult survivors need to allow themselves to feel their anger towards their mothers, and to express it in a non-violent way. They need to be able to say they are angrier at their mother than their rapist. Society cannot silence women and children who are very angry at their mother -and justifiably so- because the women who protect child rapists are the ROOT cause of why child rape and incest continues. It is also the foundation of a tremendous amount of repressed anger that is often not dealt with by child sexual abuse survivors in the therapy setting.
Please see my series on mothers who don’t protect their child from a child molester, or child rapist, and how it can affect the child. This series of articles includes the case of a mother who offered her seven year-old daughter as a sexual present to her husband for his birthday. The mother soon began molesting her daughter along with her husband. Click here to read the four part series.