By Alethea Marina Nova
In 1994 I suddenly became seriously ill with a disease that some of the best medical doctors in the country could not diagnose. After almost a year of debilitating physical suffering, unrelenting fear, repeated examinations, lab tests, EKGs, heart stress tests, an MRI of my brain, and intrusive medical procedures…the doctors could not help me.
This was the moment that I began my journey of my own mind and discovered on a personal level that total repression of interpersonal violence is real, understandable, and essential for some children to protect themselves from the unbearable pain of incest, child sexual abuse, child rape, torture, death threats, and severe emotional abandonment.
Before I regained my memory, if someone had asked me, “what’s the worst thing that happened to you in your childhood?” With no doubt, I would have answered, “the death of my father when I was twelve.”
I was a lie to my own self.
As an adult, when traumatic memories begin to come back to consciousness, denial can be a part of the memories themselves. The child denied to survive, so the adult will try and repeat that pattern. But denial never works because it is impossible to lie to ourselves forever.
Our soul knows the truth, and when the truth is remembered, people who find the courage to reveal it to siblings, or a parent, often learn that there can be psychological punishment from family members who liked it much better when the truth was hidden. I learned this in the most emotionally brutal way possible…but what my biological family did to me, only made me made me stronger, and drove me to be more vocal.
Truth heals the mind and the body, and it takes tremendous courage to be honest with yourself by releasing unwanted truths from the depths of the unconscious. It takes a soul that is longing to be free, and a personal will to endure anything to get there.
I am hoping other victims and survivors of child sexual abuse, and incest, will read Ordinary Evil with a desire to convert their pain into strength, and to use that power to speak their truth.
Ordinary Evil: Memoir of a Buried Life, is about my passage of transformation from victim into warrior, and I want to take my readers on that journey because I have carried the sickness of my story inside my soul far too long. It was like being in a prison for decades with no human contact.
Yet, I also held the key.
True fortitude is to look within the darkness of one’s own soul –into one’s own subconscious mind. “Psyche,” as in psychology, or psychoanalysis, means “soul” and we must be willing to face the darkness of our emotional pain, and face that darkness and to heal it in a true and dynamic way.
The trauma of victims and the agony of survivors drove me to write these memoirs with the hope that others will also want to heal themselves in the most powerful way there is, through self-confrontation, honesty, and a desire to see the darkness in themselves and then transform it.
“I know that Alethea has an enormous treasure trove of experience, strength and hope to offer to not only those of us that have survived abuse, but to countless others, as well. I came to know, from reading the comprehensive articles she fearlessly posts – that she is an unmistakable, undeniable voice of uncompromising values, when it comes to standing up and speaking out on sexual abuse — in all of its many forms.” ~A Survivor
“I love Alethea’s writing – forthright, clear with each revelation, though emotionally stirring, so immeasurably insightful. I always find myself so lifted by your determined courage – the hope and possibilities for healing unmistakable – as woven throughout your journey to wholeness.” ~Anonymous Survivor
I owe my freedom to my psychotherapist, and to myself, for not being afraid to confront the darkness.
To the people who were called my parents: The trauma, emotional pain, betrayal, lies, and sexual abuse you put me through have made me strong, and allowed me to help others, so for that, I owe you a huge debt of gratitude…
These memoirs are not being published to harm, or embarrass, anyone in my biological family. It was written to put my grain of sand into the world so I might help adult survivors of child sexual abuse, trauma, and incest –but especially for all the little children still suffering right now.
In order to protect the privacy of my family members, I have used fictitious names for everyone except myself. This is out of privacy for them, not because I am trying to hide. I have no more shame. More importantly, I have no more fear.
This book does not propose that any person should avoid seeking medical attention, or a medical diagnosis, for any particular physical symptom, illness, or disease. This book is merely my personal experience with illness and disease. This book should never replace medical care, nor should its contents, or my experience, be used as a way for someone to heal themselves of any medical or psychological condition.
Chapter One to follow soon…
© 2017 Alethea Marina Nova. All rights reserved. No part of these memoirs may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, saving to your computer, copying and pasting elsewhere, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.
These articles may be posted on people’s Facebook Page as a link, or on Pintrest, Twitter, or any other social and sharing media –as long as it is shared as a link.