My Story


Who I am is not nearly as important as my story is.

In 1994 I suddenly became seriously ill with a disease that some of the best medical doctors in the country could not diagnose. After almost a year of debilitating physical suffering, unrelenting fear, repeated examinations, lab tests, EKGs, heart stress tests, an MRI, and intrusive medical procedures –all of which amounted to more than $30,000, doctors finally made a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (also known as myalgic encephalomyelitis).

The specialists informed me that there is no cure and no real treatment for the disease. Many physicians are unwilling to take on patients with cfids/ME because of the low recovery rate and the untreatable, incapacitating symptoms. Many cfids/ME patients have committed suicide, but cfids/ME is known by its sufferers as a walking death.

My symptoms included, but were not limited to, irregular heart beat, inability to urinate, frequent urination, neurological problems, debilitating fatigue, intestinal disturbances, chest pain, headaches, chronic sore throats, stomach aches, abdominal pain, nausea, shingles, unexplained choking, and mysterious pelvic pain.

I had scores of other physical afflictions, which can be found by reading my article The Power of the Human Mind Can Create and Heal Disease and Illness

Over the fifteen years that I was most sick, I experienced more than seventy different physical ailments. The physical manifestations would alternate but the pain and suffering was a daily experience.

While I was sick, I also experienced phobias, insomnia, excessive fear, panic attacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, severe depression, unbalanced anger and rage, eating disorders, an excessive hatred of women, mood swings, suicidal thoughts, an abnormal fear of dying, no self-worth, being reclusive, feeling estranged from life, and an inability to trust anyone.

After medical doctors told me there was no cure, and no treatment, and after seeing three mainstream psychological professionals who were also no help, I turned to alternative healing in the form of hypnoanalysis.

Let me be clear; hypno-analysis is quite different from hypnosis.

Prior to beginning the therapy, I had retained only a few memories of my entire childhood, but I had always brushed this aside as ‘just one of those things.’

When I began the hypnotherapy, I was unaware that people can mentally block significant events from their mind and recall them later in life. In November of 1997 I discovered that people can indeed have total amnesia for trauma and incest, and that it can create serious mental and physical problems.

I learned about dissociative amnesia (known as repressed memory) in a very personal way when I remembered that my father, who was a Los Angeles police officer, sexually abused me as a child -including rape-for my entire childhood.

A very significant part of repressing the incest, was that my mother did nothing to stop the abuse by my father, she blamed me for it, punished me for it, facilitated the incest with her silence and with death threats, and she sexually abused me herself.

When I was three years-old, I also witnessed a very serious crime committed by my police-officer father, and by my mother. It traumatized me beyond comprehension and created countless physical afflictions and psychosomatic ailments in me as an adult –all of which, were healed through my therapy, by remembering the incident, and healing it at the subconscious level.

Until the day that my traumatic memories began to return, I had never heard of dissociative amnesia or repressed memories. As I progressed in therapy, and as more memories emerged, I began to research dissociative amnesia (repressed memory, traumatic amnesia) and discovered that repression is understandable, common, and a logical way for a child to protect themselves.

However, repression begins to fade as the victim grows older. Later in adulthood, the subconscious mind begins to create psychosomatic symptoms, illness, disease, and psychological dysfunction in the now-adult survivor. Repressed emotional trauma must be addressed at the subconscious level, and healed, or the person will develop more serious symptoms, and they will never be free of their past.

My full recovery from myalgic encephalomyelitis, shingles, PTSD, chronic heart problems, migraines, and from all of the other life-altering physical and psychological problems was not due to any medical procedure, herb, vitamin, yoga, conventional psychotherapy, “positive thinking,” or pharmaceutical drug.

My total recovery from CFIDS/myalgic encephalomyelitis and the rest of my hell, depended upon breaking through three decades of amnesia for the incest. The only thing which set me free from the CFIDS/myalgic encephalomyelitis –and what ultimately healed me from my childhood horrors– was to allow myself to finally recall the incest and death threats, and then to release my long-repressed grief –and to transmute the traumatic memories at the Subconscious level.

The hypnoanalysis therapy provided the only relief for my physical suffering. My body had been a walking memory which was unable to speak for more than thirty years. The CFIDS/ME was a substitute language. The voice from my past screamed at me in the form of incapacitating and frightening symptoms, which according to most medical doctors, have no known cause or cure.

Healing with the mind has liberated me from the myth that mental disorders are not able to be healed with the mind itself, or that serious psychological wounds cannot be fully healed.

The powers of the human mind to heal physical disease has also blown me away. I have proven some of the best medical doctors in the United States to be wrong. I am walking proof that -the subconscious mind not only has the ability to create debilitating and serious disease and illness- but that the mind can also heal those very diseases.

The therapy I do has even restored my eyesight. I no longer have to wear reading glasses, and I am as healthy as I was in my twenties.

Spring 2014

Spring 2014

As of the update to this post (October 2015), I am currently still in therapy for two remaining symptoms, which are linked to aspects of my childhood, and teenage years, that I have not yet disclosed on my Blog.

But I continue to evolve and I am finding my true self…being true to myself, and knowing myself from a deeply intense level, and not from the ideas and mis-information that was put in my mind as a child, and by society as an adult.

Further reading about my story and what I have overcome and healed in myself:

In Order To Eradicate Disease of the Mind and Body, People Need To Heal the Diseases of Their Soul

and: How to Liberate Yourself from Suffering and Disease

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42 Responses to My Story

  1. Isabel says:

    Alethea,
    though this may sound strange, i’m a fourteen year old girl who really appriciates your blog! I have never experienced any type of abuse, or sexual abuse. However, my older sister did. She is technically my half-sister. We share the same mother, not father. My sister (We’ll call her Michelle) is rather old… she is thirty-two. Anyway, since my sister was the age of three she was sexually abused and raped. Apparently, when she was a baby, he would go into her room while she was sleeping and masturbate. (To her?) My other sister, (also my half sister, Michelle’s full sister) endured some abuse, but I believe not as much. I do not believe this sister ever endured abuse, however she witnissed it all. Your blog has helped me understand what my sister must have went through…. let me go into more detail. (Sorry, this will be long!)

    Michelle became involved with drugs at around thirteen, and became sexually active with peers her age. She still suffers problems, and is mentally unwell… she has been in therapy before, and remembers everthing that happened. (Not when she was a baby, but the abuse lasted until she was around 13) Michelle says crazy things, and my other sister and I believe it’s not just PTSD etc, but that she may have actual mental illnesses. I say this because on her fathers side, mental illnesses occured.

    Their father, he was a sociopath. So, he could not feel any emotion… even though I was not born yet, and I will never know what they went through, sometimes it’s hard on me… because it’s so hard knowing what my sisters went through, and it’s so hard saying certain things around them.

    PS. My other sister told me recentlly that their grandfather would not rape, but molest Michelle as well… this goes to show that the father’s side of the family most surely did have problems. I know this message was long winded and I’m not even sure if it made total sense, but I mainly wanted to say this:

    Again, though I did not live through any of this, I feel somehow conected to it. I could never ask my mother this… she has never brought it up in the room around me, though she makes comments about her old husband. My sisters have told me, and Michelle told me what I told you one day. I sometimes really worry about Michelle, and my other sister has told me how when they were younger they both contemplated suicide…. they have moved on from that point now, but you know what I mean.

    By the way, their father is in prison. (yay!) at least the justice was earned. I donot however, know how long he is/was in prison, but I know he still currently is.
    If you could comment on this at all? Your website has led me to understand what some people go through, and your story inspires me as well. Let me know when you get this.
    -Isabel xoxo

    • Alethea says:

      Dear Isabel,

      I am beyond gratitude that you enjoy my Blog and are reading a lot of old articles. I am joyful that you contacted me. I have replied to this comment in the email from you, but also putting it here in case I can help anyone else with my response.

      Try not to label your sisters with mental illness. Incest, especially when it starts at such a young age, and does not stop for years, is extremely hard on the psyche of the victim and can cause them to have mental breakdowns, drug use, and suicidal thoughts throughout their lives. It can literally make a person feel crazy with crazy thoughts and sometimes those thoughts come out verbally to others.

      Did your mother know about the incest while it was happening? Because this in itself can create serious problems in the victim.

      Your sister is a relatively very young woman. I hope that she wants help?

      But even if she does want help, the only way I know of that TRULY frees a person and heals them at a level that changes their life, is to have the kind of therapy that I do… If she wants help, my therapist can save her life and give her a beautiful new start in life. But she has to WANT help.

      It is so sweet that you care so much. You must be a very loving person.

      I recommend that you be as loving and gentle with her as possible, and treat her with kindness and compassion at all times. Try to help her avoid films and TV shows that have rape scenes, or violence. Try to inspire and encourage her to do yoga, exercise outdoors in nature, and to eat healthy. This article could help her:

      https://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/taming-the-monsters-inside-and-living-a-healthier-more-joyful-life/

      But maybe you could invite her to read my Blog? It might help her to know she is NOT alone.

      All my best wishes,
      Alethea

  2. Wow. I admire you for speaking out. I’m new to blogging, but mostly new to speaking out about what happened to me. I was so sad for you when I read about the CFS and then the awful abuse you suffered, but so very relieved to hear you have beaten the CFS and have/ are processed the trauma. What an inspiration you are.

    • Alethea says:

      Wow, thank you! I did beat that retched disease. I refused to accept what the medical doctors told me. I found true healing. I only wish everyone could experience it.

      Keep speaking out about what happened to you. Do it without fear, and without fear of what others will think or say. Let your inner child speak, and do it often!

      All my best,
      Alethea

  3. How long did you have CFS for? I was not abused as a child, I don’t think. But I had a very traumatic childhood. Who was your hypnotherapist?

    • Alethea says:

      My therapist is here: http://ysatisdesaintsimone.wordpress.com/

      I had it seriously for about 14 years, and small relapses for about 3 years. I no longer suffer from that wretched disease. If you have a will to heal, you can heal with her therapy. All you need is a speaker phone and privacy for an hour twice a week. You can contact me for her phone number sanjuanangel7@yahoo.com

      Trauma can cause CFS, it does not have to be sexual abuse.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Wow, ” it takes a soul wanting to be free”…..
    My story would be to long to write on a blog about, but I too, tell my story often, and now I work with people that need a safe person to help bring the memories up and to help transform the energies that are with the “little children” that get encapsulated inside. My heart goes out to you and I wish you peace… xoxo Melissa

    • Alethea says:

      Thanks so much Melissa. Thanks for walking the hard long road of healing, and to freedom.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hi Alethea,
    Thank you for your effort and energies. Reading your comments and posts about child sex abuse and its effects on the human mind has helped me tremendously.
    Seeing your openness, courage, and strength gives me hope.
    Hope not for me, but hope for my partner.
    I realise you are not a psychologist but i believe you have a greater understanding into this subject than 90 % of professional doctors.
    Would you consider listening ((reading) to this account and give your opinion? Do not feel obligated.

    Kind regards, Robert Ong

    • Alethea says:

      Hi Robert. I have to say, yours is one of the best comments I have ever received. More than ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD I have wanted to help others, so thank you from every fiber of my being.

      I know I can be controversial in my beliefs and can sound harsh sometimes, but it’s awesome that you allow yourself to see past anything you might ever disagree with me about, and still feel that you are helped by this Blog.

      It’s funny, because lately I have been contemplating the very real possibility that I need to get a psychology degree and become a therapist. I can’t do what my therapist does because she was taught by the best, and that school has since closed. She was taught over 40 years ago. But I think I can do better than many of the psychologists out there because they have not been through the deep mind penetration therapy that I have, and many do not recognize the power of the subconscious (“Dr. Laura” does not even believe the subconscious exists! That’s like saying the ocean does not exist.

      “Would you consider listening ((reading) to this account and give your opinion? Do not feel obligated.”

      I am not certain what you mean Robert. There is no link or anything attached to your comment. What account are you referring to? But whatever it is, I would be honored to try and help. Just let me know; and I do NOT feel obligated. I feel grateful that you would ask.

  6. mari says:

    Cfids starts for many diffrently and 100s heals by different ways, ssome cure y reiki some by hypnosis some by taking herbs some by taking aminos some by doing accupunture some by going to behavioral place some by taking B12 etc etc nothing to do with anything but subconcious fear , something triggers survival mode and it stays like that, so I wait for my healing trigger which I desperately needed any placebo I take it. All cfids cures are great placebos doesn’t matter what kind..
    Search Kathrine T Owen LP healed her, search mike dessin neural therapy healed him etc but in fact mind was healed , iwish all ppl suffering to get any trigger to heal

    • Alethea says:

      Mari, I never said ALL cases of CFIDS are rooted in trauma, abuse, etc. If you read all the other articles I have written on my healing from CFIDS, I also say that not ALL cases are from abuse. To my knowledge, there has NOT been a tremendous amount of healing from CFIDS, and those who say they were healed often develop the symptoms a few months or years later. Those who rid themselves of CFIDS with anything other than a deep way, which gets to the ROOT of the disease, will develop other problems in their mind and body.

      If you are calling my hypno-analysis therapy (quite different from hypnosis) a “placebo” then you are way off base and unaware of what the healing powers of this therapy are.

  7. rebekkah says:

    Althea,
    Am 41 years old and can related on many levels to your story about your physical health. I believe I may be having flashes of C.S.A. Do these memories appear as intrusive? Does a person know even if they don’t remember abuse at all? Or can happen not recall any abuse and then suddenly have disjointed flashes of a memory, leaving the person feeling like their mind is making it up? I’m having trouble explaining what I’m trying say:/ My daughter turned six this year and i this is when this started occurring. Also, I have, what I think is an irrational fear of her being molested. I secretly, because people would think I’m crazy, worry that something is happening to her at school and have no reason to think that or whenever she is away from me. I alone bathe her, dress her etc. My husband is not a child molester and I DO NOT suspect him. It’s just what I feel is an unnatural fear. Anyway, can you tell me how the at the very beginning, does a memory come through our sub-conscience. Does it have to make sense? Or can it be a picture of sorts with a physical reaction with the perpetrator in it? If I;m not making sense, please ask me questions so I can try and better explain.

    • rebekkah says:

      Correction. Can a person always know they were abused even though they don’t remember the details, or can they suddenly have a strange memory flash? How do this memories surface in the very beginning.

    • Alethea says:

      Dear Rebekkah,

      I am not a mental health expert, but I do have a lot of personal experience and have read about this for 15 years. Some people begin to recall that they were sexually abused as a child when their own child turns the age that the parent was first sexually abused as a child.

      Yes the memories can be intrusive, and absolutely yes the person can “know” they were molested as a child but have NO memory of it, or even an indication. Yes, they can suddenly have disjointed flashes of memory, and yes they can feel as if they are making it up. You are actually describing exactly how the process of remembering works in most people.

      Everything else you describe is indicative of someone who may have a history of having been sexually abused. You are normal and not alone in your feelings of worry about your daughter and that, even though you know your husband would be safe with your child, you still insist on bathing and dressing her yourself. It is not an unnatural fear in someone who was molested as a child. If you were abused, your fears and behavior are 100% natural, and your actions commendable. Your child is always at risk at school, and it is natural for people who love one another, and who share in intimate daily routines to become sexually attracted to one another. Frankly, I think that all women ought to bathe and dress their daughters. I am NOT saying your husband is capable of child molestation…only saying that it is natural for men who love their child to become aroused by their nakedness. But the fact that you have these fears is strong indication that these fears could be based in personal experiences as a child.

      When memories come through to consciousness, they do not have to make sense and can be images, feelings, flashes, physical reactions, dreams, or sudden urges to behave strangely. They can also hit the person with a feeling of needing to look up their perpetrator’s name in the phone book, but not know why.

      Please stay in touch and keep asking any questions that you would like to ask. I am here to help as much as as humanly possible.

      All my best,
      Alethea

  8. Anonymous says:

    As long as THIS staged photo is acceptable…. http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/time-magazines-breastfeeding-cover-moms-react-185700989.html
    and with the recent New York ruling that it is legal to VIEW child porn…children will never be safe. 😦

    • Alethea says:

      Thank you. It took me two days to digest this filth. I have written about it in an entire article.

  9. pippi says:

    I haven’t visited your site in a while, but have posted a few things. I was just visiting today and stumbled upon something you said that intrigued me. In a comment response to someone you said that you were fine for a few decades after the abuse stopped but then suddenly developed all sorts of mental and physical problems.

    I guess I’m writing because I think the same thing happened to me. I am a victim of same-sex incest. After the incest stopped I was fine for a good long awhile…pretty functioning. I think I even forgot about it…pushing it way back in in my mind. Graduated from high school and college and even accomplished a few things. I struggled immensely with self-esteem and so things didn’t come easy…it took me 10 years to get through college largely because I was battling self-esteem…just didn’t have any. But then just a few years ago all that changed. I got diabetes. Anxiety and depression set in. I realized I had shut off an entire area of my life…relationships…romantic ones. And once I started entertaining the idea of trying or hoping to have a relationship…all this crap started. I started having nightmares and panic attacks. I got so angry and didn’t know why. Memories started flashing back…memories of how things felt.

    I am still struggling. I am going to therapy and the depression is better, but there is a part of me that just won’t turn on again. I struggle to follow through with everything. I have developed a severe case of chronic procrastination. My low self-esteem has turned into complete and total self-loathing. I can’t look myself in the mirror. I hate shopping for clothes because I don’t want to go into the fitting rooms and try things on and have panic attacks. I can’t make a decision to save my life. Can’t decide what to pick up first when I am trying to clean my house. I seriously need to know what you think…is all this related to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child? How can that happen that you can be fine for years and then bamm! this crap happens and takes over your life?

    I was somewhat happy and functioning in denial. Now I can’t function and I’m hurting and crying all the time…and I just don’t know what to do. How do you climb your way out of this pit? Why did it take me so long…to react? And I still can’t have a relationship. I panic at the thought! Why?

    • Alethea says:

      Hi Pippi. Forgive me, I cannot recall your other comments on my Blog, but I will search for your other comments after I write this.

      I was not exactly “fine” in the years following the “end” of the incest. I was shy, insecure, had thoughts of doom and darkness, and I had little ability to communicate and make friends. I was a loner in junior high, and high school, and my self-worth was zero.

      I used my looks and body to get attention from men as a means of self-worth, and then became promiscuous in my twenties. My first boyfriend told me I was “always on the edge.” I remember crying a lot in those years. Little things set me off.

      I had some personality problems and was socially awkward to say the least. I had huge issues with women. But I was able to hold jobs, function, and certainly had a healthy body.

      I am currently searching my books for you. I know I wrote about this because skeptics of repressed memories, always ask why the person did not remember, or become dysfunctional, until their late twenties to late forties. There is a good reason for it.

      But you are not alone. Mose people who don’t deal with incest and severe child sexual abuse, and don’t feel the effects until ages 30-45, or something like that. I am looking for those statistics.

      I don’t know if your therapist has told you this, but depression is anger turned inward on the self. So your depression has a root, a meaning, a label. I find it easier to deal with depression when I know that it is repressed anger -THAT SHOULD BE DIRECTED AT MY ABUSERS- being put on myself. I am not saying that someone who is depressed needs to go out and hurt their abusers. I am saying that they need to deal with that repressed anger in a healthy way. But most people don’t know WHY they have the depression, or what the anger is directly rooted in. The only way that I find that out, is through hypnotherapy (different from hypnosis). I find out by penetrating my subconscious mind, and then I use use the subconscious to expel the anger.

      People wonder why they can’t heal, and it is because they do not penetrate the subconscious mind. This is where one needs to alter what happened and transform the memory. This can only be done at the subconscious level. People need to understand that there is no space and time in the subconscious mind. So when something triggers the memory, it is not a memory any longer! It is actually as if the abuse is happening all over again.

      It’s interesting, because I also used to go through something every time I used a dressing room. I never felt completely safe in those dressing rooms. For me, my bladder would flare up, so every time I used a dressing room, I felt as if I urgently had to go pee.

      I am almost 100% positive that all of the issues you listed are related to the sexual abuse. I have had every one of what you described. I have gotten rid of the vast majority of those issues by dealing with the incest. I still occasionally have a nightmare, but I am also still dealing with trauma issues. I was severely terrorized with death threats and violence.

      Denial only lasts so long, and one day it becomes a prison. Your soul wants to be free, it is tired of denial. Your symptoms and problems are your soul screaming for your attention; it just wants help.

    • Alethea says:

      I am having a little trouble locating the part of my manuscripts where I address why these things come up later in life.

      From off the top of my head:

      When the abuse ends, the victim feels free and relieved. They are usually a teenager around that time, or just coming of that age, so they are just beginning to explore life and experience new things. Their hormones are raging, and it is a time of new experiences and having fun. When the previously traumatized person begins to explore college, marriage, kids, and responsibilities….they are now entering the phase of stress.

      Stress draws out old wounds.

      Marriage often brings out an abusive past becasue many people marry a person who has traits of their abuser, or the sex itself can trigger things. Marriage itself can be highly stressful. Job stress can be potent for triggering the past. Many abuse survivors get a job where their employer has traits of their abuser (it’s a subconscious thing).

      Kids often bring back the past in full swing. Many women report having their memories of sexual abuse return after their first child. Sometimes it is from the birth itself (something painful and bloody in that area). Sometimes it is when their child hits the age that the person was when they were first abused.

      Many people begin to deal with the abuse, or remember having been abused, after the abuser dies. Sometimes it happens after they move away for college and begin to psychologically break the bonds with the abuser by moving out of the home and away from their dysfunctional family.

      Stress and major life changes are what usually take place just before someone remembers or begins to have nightmares, depression, anxiety, and other physical problems stemming from the abuse that they thought was not a big deal.

      Can you think of what it was that might have triggered your issues?

      For me, I had just gotten married (my husband has many traits that resemble both my parents), and we moved to a very confined, small home (I felt trapped and confined there). My neighbor got a dog and named it “Chester” and she used to call the dog “Chester the molester.” My job had turned super stressful back then too.

      The other thing I wanted to say is that, if you don’t have any luck with your therapist, I can give you the information for mine. I am almost positive she said she had a client once with diabetes, and that the person does not have it any longer because of the therapy. She has treated many many people with all different diseases and they do not have those diseases any longer.

  10. Howard Sanders says:

    I thought you would want to know that Theresa Knorr committed suicide tonight in St. Louis, Mo. She is survived by here 3 Brothers. My brother Robert has live with & by her for several years now. He will be handling all arrangements. So now the maybe she can rest. Eldest Son

  11. Anonymous says:

    My name is Randa Fox. I am 53 years old and a Survivor of Incest. Along with a few dear friends, we have started a website called NOOW – Not on our watch. Please, if you have time, go to notonourwatch.net.

    The most urgent part of stopping the Sexual Abuse of Children is finding our VOICES – We, the Adults who have Survived being
    Sexually Molested, must dig deep into our wounded souls and KNOW that unless we begin to TALK about the realities of our own abuse, every generation will end up just like we did. I for one cannot sit idly by and not SPEAK UP.

    Educating our families, our neighbors, our communities, our judges, and our medical professionals that this is REAL, it has been happening and it will continue to happen, unless we start talking.

    My mission, my vision, my passion and the reason I have embarked on this battle of a lifetime came about this June, 2011. Please read an article written by Rosemary Smith, Editor of the Navasota Examiner, dated April 20, 2011.

    Judge McCaig of Grimes/Waller County, Texas, denied a brave little girl and her family any justice in a case where there was DNA, a confession, along with a forensic interview of the child. This Judge, who just happens to have been appointed by Governor Rick Perry of Texas in 2007, gave an admitted, convicted Pedophile of aggravated sexual assault of a 7 year old year girl:

    90 DAYS IN THE COUNTY JAIL AND
    10 YEARS DEFERRED ADJUDICATION

    And to add insult to injury, this Judge would not allow then Victim’s Impact Statement be read. He also insisted that this Child Molester, be monitored by his Pastor and Associate Pastor at the same church the victim attended.

    The Child Molester had written in his Facebook Page that he wants to be a Youth Minister.

    So, along with finding our VOICE, EDUCATION, we must also monitor how our local judges sentencing records.

  12. Stacy says:

    Have you seen the news about this one? Quanell X is coming to town… or has hit town. I saw it on the news early this morning and heard his statement of “the accused men are not the only ones this girl has had sex with”. Quanell X the defender of rapist… the crucifier of an 11 year old girl.

    http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/falkenberg/7465233.html

    and I’m sure you don’t want stuff like this just popping up under your story…. but when I see this kind of tragedy, I think of your blog. If you think I’m crossing the line please say so. If you don’t mind, and have an email addy to send “stuff” to, that would be nice.

    It takes a village… the statement sounds like hyperbole, but it’s really true.

    Stacy

  13. Stacy says:

    I didn’t know where to leave this link… it so made me cry… I know that darkness… so do you. When I read it, I thought of this blog and of you and the voice you are giving to others that just can’t find the words. Hope you can access the link. http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller

    • Alethea says:

      Hi Stacy. Thank you so much. I am going to re-post the letter on my Blog (as the man who wrote it requested). This letter is very painful to read for anyone who has been sexually abused, but especially by those who were abused by a person of the same-sex.

      Various parts of the letter can validate many feelings for survivors. They can read it and say, “Wow, I feel that way too, I’m not alone.”

      The only problem with the letter is that suicide is not the way out. Quite the contrary. When a person commits suicide, they take with them all the pain, and will have to work it out in the after-life -without a body- or they will have to reincarnate into physical form and will be born with the pain in some new form. The soul is eternal. The physical body is just a material form. The pain is in the soul of the person. A person can kill their physical body, but the soul and the pain does not die.

      So sad.

  14. My name is Katie, and I’m a member of From The New Generation. You can visit my blog at the link listed below, if you’d like. I read some of your posts and your biography, and now I wonder if you’d be willing to answer a question that I could put on my blog. My question would be:
    What do you think about the increasing numbers of child abuse victims (sexual, verbal, physical)?

    From The New Generation:
    fromthenewgen.wordpress.com

    I look forward to hearing from you very soon.

    • Alethea says:

      Hi Katie. Thank you for the question.

      “What do you think about the increasing numbers of child abuse victims (sexual, verbal, physical)?”

      My answer is this:

      As the people of this world become darker, more self-oriented, self-driven, and have more of a need for immediate self-gratification, the numbers of children who are being abused will no doubt grow. Too many parents are self-absorbed and care little about loving their children selflessly. They are instead trying to pleasure themselves and most have not dealt with their own childhood pain, so they pass it on to their kids. Parents in these times are looking for self-gratification and when they don’t get it, they take it out on their children or consider their child as being in the way, just a nuisance, or feel the child is stopping them from having their freedom.

      As the lack of love grows in this world, some people will search out love by trying to get it from having children, but when the child is the one who needs all the love, they turn around and abuse the child out of anger and frustration. And with so many parents being stressed out, in fear about their jobs, or over-worked, more and more kids are going to get verbally, emotionally, and physically abused.

      Sexual abuse is a particular growing problem because of our over-sexualized society. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar business, and the United States is the biggest distributor/user. In addition, children are used as sex objects in advertisements and small children are sexualized with make-up and clothing. Corporations contribute to this by producing the clothing, and parents buy it for their children so they will look “cool” to their kid. Child sexual abuse is often used as a cartoon or gag in men’s porn mags –so is rape and incest. Do men protest? No, they just buy more of these mags.

      We can surf the television any day of the week and find that jokes about incest, child abuse, and sex are rampant. Even commercials for diapers have shown a naked child virtually exposed on the toilet, or with their naked little legs spread wide open. Our society is an open invitation for child sexual abusers.

  15. TruTenderHrt says:

    Please excuse some of the previous comment’s  grammatical errors!!  I am normally a much more competent writer and am known for revision of my own work, as well as that of others.  However, earlier(as I am now currently doing the same—using the same device), I faced a few “obstacles”, so to say.  Using my itouch, which offered very little space for comments, as well as giving no allowance for “back-tracking” and revision, proved difficult for “perfect” composition!!  Also, as I find it best to only use 1finger for typing on such a small keyboard, the pain issues with which my hands suffer found me tiring very easily and quickly.  
        Now, I have “smartened-up”;-), although fatigued & in much pain, by using my notepad application on my Ipod to ensure a superior annotation.  
    Thanks again!!!           

  16. Anonymous says:

    This just may be the answer of which I have been looking!!! Oddly and ironically enough, I found this info by “accident”, as I was searching for the ending of the Sterling Barber story that failed to record on my DVR this morning. It appears to be the answer to my every question about my undiagnosed, multitude of problems. I Suffer with every single symptom listed,& as time goes by, it (my overall health, for lack of a better word) seems to only worsen.
    I will not go into any details, but any info. would be greatly appreciated!! I encourage you to pursue your plans as an the author of a book that will be of tremendous aid to many!!!
    **where should/would one start, as far as receiving this diagnosis, after many failed medical attempt, but little money to pursue more specialists/treatment, etc. Honestly, I’ve really “just begun”. (pregnancies were the most difficult for my body, as well as suffering injuries from a severely traumatic accident—-all 13 plus years ago)…have had symptoms my entire life, but during&after 3 pregnancies& this accident, all occurring within the same 2 1/2 year time frame, everything was worse. As previously mentioned, my “health” deteriorates daily, having no energy,& what little I can do or where I can go drains me.
    I didn’t mean to go on, so I will end here. Every symptom mentioned, I endure, as well as additional problems. Your help&words of experience are more than welcomed!!! Thank you!!!

    • aletheamarinanova says:

      Greetings “anonymous.”

      I don’t really believe in “coincidences” so I am glad you found this Blog. Thank you so much for your encouragement about my book. I just sent a proposal to a publisher so we’ll see. I think my book could help many people.

      Allow me to begin by saying how sorry I am that you have suffered. Physical suffering is so tiring on the soul.

      I suffered from a multitude of symptoms that are now gone because I dealt with the incest. If you would like to email me you can do so anytime at: marinasnow777@gmail.com. Or we can post messages here.

      It sounds like you have had a very difficult time trying to get relief for your problems. I’m so sorry. I do know this; your body is sending you a message. It is crying out for help. There is something within your mind that is not at ease.

      It’s not always abuse, but physical problems are the result of the mind being at ‘dis-ease’ and thus, creating disease and illness in the body.

      We can talk some more via email if you like.

      Good wishes,
      Alethea

      • TruTenderHrt says:

        You may call me TruTenderHrt; I thought that I had included my “name”! I just received your response. Thank you so much! I look forward to continuing contact with you!! =^>. I, too, really began experiencing such problems in 1994. Of course, they worsened after the accident in Feb. 1996 and have worsened over the years. Growing up in a family which didn’t have the money to seek medical care, in addition to really never prioritizing myself & finding myself in similar financial deficits as an adult, I have just “lived” with it. Oh, the mental, emotional, physical,& spiritual agony of which I have found myself for so long…. Well, I will end this here!! Hoping to find the answers, diagnosis, and “light” before the end of the tunnel,& a better life for myself and family before they become adults and are never able to experience a normal and more ideal childhood!!(ages 15,14,13)…. Thanks!!

      • aletheamarinanova says:

        Good morning TruTenderHrt,

        I am so sorry that you have not had the financial resources to help you. The United States is terrible in that area. Every citizen should have proper medical care.

        Don’t worry about grammatical errors, we all make them.

        Have a beautiful day today.
        Alethea

      • TruTenderHrt says:

        Honestly, I have problems my entire life-even as a child. Do you know if this diagnosis tends to have an onset later in life(of course, in 1994, I was 19), worsening with age; or can it be a disorder from childhood?
        I will definitely need to do research on this, as long as I can keep my attention on this quest!!! Thanks so much again!!!
        You have a truly wonderful day as well!!!!

      • aletheamarinanova says:

        Tru Tender Heart,

        Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome usually attacks a person between the ages of 25-45 and mostly women get it. I can email you much more info. if you like. Let me know.

        Children have been known to get it but that is not common. My belief is that it is a disease that could have been present in childhood but does not show itself until the stresses of adulthood.

        • kd says:

          Your recovery from CFIDS is very encouraging to me. I have many physical maladies as a result of sexual abuse as a child. I was not aware of the cause of my allergies to food,dust, environment, trees, grasses etc etc ….weakened immune system, candida systemic type, shingles, constant sinus infections, leaky gut, multiple chemical sensitivity. I only understood the connection of these illnesses to child sexual abuse a few years ago. Again, I am very encouraged to pursue my recovery from sexual abuse and see these illnesses subside.. I have spent a fortune trying to get well with the help of medical doctors and alternative health professionals.

          • Alethea says:

            Dear KD,

            So sorry it took me this long to get back to you.

            I would guess that your food allergies are indeed psychosomatic, but dust, environment, trees, grass allergies might not be. However, you could easily help yourself with all of those problems if you ever wanted to call my therapist. But more importantly, she can help you heal your immune system, candida, shingles, constant sinus infections, and leaky gut. The sinuses is often repressed anger.

            Your chemical sensitivity is heightened when experiencing the CFS symptoms, but it is a Blessing in disguise to be sensitive to those chemicals. They are deadly. Keep away from the gas pump when you put gas in your car. Put the pump on automatic, and sit in your car with the windows up. Avoid chemicals in your house. Use natural cleaning products.

            I spent a fortune trying to get help too. Many people with CFS do. If you want the number for my therapist, please email me. She does the therapy via telephone and all you need is a speaker phone, some privacy, and a will to heal.

            sanjuanangel7@yahoo.com

            I am happy that you found my Blog 🙂

            Alethea

            • KD says:

              I have only recently learned that mcs is a blessing in disguise. Thanks for the reminder. I am still in process of removing all chemicals from my home. It appears that there isnt much I can buy that does not have some chemicals on it.
              I am hesitant about your therapist. I am not sure if I will agree with her method of healing. I think you mentioned you did not undergo any type of hypnosis. I am for sure against that. I also prefer someone who does not want $150.00 an hour. That is the going rate in my area for a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. I will go ahead and send you an email and give her a call. I have to be courageous and not fearful.

  17. Bryon Vignerie MA, MFT says:

    I am very happy to see that you were able to recover and change into the new great person that you are. I am a therapist myself, and these stories are what keep me and many of us going when we can see many people not changing. I am glad you were able to break the silence, break the chains of abuse, and create a new you. I understand your pain and worked at a DV shelter for my hours for my license. You have a amazing story and it should be told to all people. My prayers are with you and all those that are in need.

    • aletheamarinanova says:

      Thank you Bryon. You’re comment has come at a very serendipitous moment. I have been struggling with whether or not to move forward in publishing my manuscript about my story but fear has been stopping me. You’re comment may just be what I have needed to hear.

      Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, and thanks for posting!

  18. Mia says:

    Wow. That is some journey. Good for you that you figured out the puzzling language of your subconscious.

    Good luck with your book. I’ll look for it!
    mia

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