Today is a beautiful day. It is the first day of the rest of my life, and of your life, and of the life of Grace.
My dear friend Grace, whom I have never met, has written an incredible update to her progress in the therapy that she began with my therapist three years ago.
Grace’s update expresses the changes I too have been experiencing –which are an extreme joy for life and saying goodbye to useless fear.
Here is Grace’s update. I honor her courage and her desire to transform her life…
Grace, on a recent hiking trip, where she felt victorious after a grueling hike in mountainous nature, symbolic of having conquered so much in therapy
—-With each passing day, it becomes increasingly clear to me that we live in a period of tumultuous changes. As I take a moment to observe the world’s situation, it seems as though the proverbial “shit” is about to hit the fan. The general public seems to be complying with media messages that serve to destroy beauty, art, loving kindness, other expanding emotions and impulses that could be elevating to the consciousness of a human being. In effect, society is becoming increasingly “comfortably numb.”
My appreciation for Pink Floyd aside, this is not a good thing.
I have spoken to other humans who seem to be aware of these things, or at least are not in complete denial. I am coming to realize that the outside situation is not going to get any better. So, what to do? I have dedicated much energy to healing on the inside.
Readers of Alethea’s blog may be aware of my story; I have shared it openly, in hopes that it will help others who may be suffering as I did. This inner healing, through therapy and other life-giving activities, has taught me to not live in fear or despair. I can say with confidence, from my heart, that denying fear and falling in love with Love is the one tool that has truly worked for me in “dealing” with the tumultuous period of changes in the outside world.
Working in the education sector, I can see every day how the media is manipulating the minds of children and adults alike. Words are being misused, constant images of horror and terror are on every screen (think “The Walking Dead,” violent video games, and the mainstream newscasts, for example), and confusion and information-overload abounds in every imaginable domain.
People, such as “trans-gendered” Bruce Jenner, are being exalted as heroes, which is particularly worrying because it could be linked to sexual confusion for many people. I know how difficult it is to live with sexual confusion, and would not wish it on anyone. The minds of children are systematically being distorted when a coward such as Bruce Jenner is celebrated as a role model.
Instead of heroically looking within and figuring out the reasons behind wanting to become a woman, and dealing with those reasons, he changed his outer body. Instead of heroically owning up to his mistake in killing a woman in a fatal car accident, he revels in publicity and shows no remorse…he didn’t even mention the car accident again.
The media controls everything these days, including the messages being shown to children, many of which are very misleading (and propagate sexual or gender confusion as something “normal” and “easily fixed” by just changing the outer body or taking drugs). This superficial idea of “healing” is a dangerous message, and one that I subscribed to for years…I have come out on the other side to say IT DIDN’T WORK FOR ME (I can make an inference here that it probably doesn’t work for others). Only through deep, introspective therapy, have I made this realization.
I feel for the children of today – I am familiar with the impact that being misguided can have on a life. I myself was misguided by the abuse perpetrated upon me by my older sister from age four. The same-sex sexual abuse led me to believe that women were “it” for me sexually and emotionally, and this translated to seeking out romantic relationships with women in my adult life – I identified as “queer” for years, and was in a serious long-term relationship with a woman.
As a small child, the pleasure and feelings of security and closeness from my sister were starkly contrasted by -equally as powerful-feelings of insecurity, darkness, and worthlessness. When my sister moved on and the abuse stopped, I spent the next 23 years struggling with depression in various manifestations. I have been in therapy with Dr. Ysatis De Saint-Simone for just over three years. She practices hynoanalysis, which is a very effective tool used to free the subconscious mind from pent-up traumas and patterns of behavior and disease that are not truly you.
Through the therapy, I have learned more about who I truly am than I ever could have imagined when I first began. Along the way, I have realized that I am not queer or interested in women in a romantic or sexual way. This has been one of the most significant changes I have experienced, because I was short-changing my life experience by closing myself off to men (and I was closed off to men in every way imaginable, even feeling hatred of men I walked by on the street, by their sheer existence!).
I have, however, gained so much more from the therapy, including: true healing from depression, honest appreciation of both male and female energies, powerful release of fear (in my case, paralyzing and alienating fear), relief from physical illness and discomforts, and the inner strength to learn about my destructive patterns, look at them face-to-face, and make the conscious, willed effort to turn them around.
The therapy has also taught me that I am not the physical body I see reflected back at me when I look in the mirror. The physical “Grace” persona is something I am learning to use in order to function well in this realm, but that I don’t want to identify with it. I have resolved, through the strength gained in therapy, to cultivate and polish my inner spiritual warrior.The therapy that Alethea and I do, is designed for this exact purpose: to strengthen and polish the truth within.
Without the inner warrior, and the Divine Grace that provides such a warrior with strength, I would never have been able to release the fears holding me back. I never would have felt the desire to research the reasons why I might be so miserable, and then contact Alethea, and subsequently contact our mutual therapist.
On the contrary, I would probably still be looking at the body in the mirror, depressed, overweight, medicated on anti-depressants, and desolate, with no hope for any good feelings or “joie-de-vivre” (the joy of living) I am grateful beyond words that I have been gifted with the impulse to redefine myself in Light instead of staying in darkness.
In the time since I ended my long-term relationship with a woman, I have experienced many life-opening feelings. I have slowly started to make more friends, reconnect with old ones, see my family in a more honest and loving way, and have adopted a beautiful rescue cat.
Though I am currently single, I have dated a few men who have brought me lessons that needed to be learned. I have also let go of the majority of my fear of being alone or abandoned, which has in turn attracted more relationship prospects to me. I am not sure if I will get married, or find “the one” but the point is that my heart holds hope for good experiences, despite what might be going on around us on the global stage. I never would be able to balance an awareness of the things going on around me, with feelings of hope, if I were not working to strengthen and polish the inner warrior.
My relationship with the sister who abused me has been complex. Over time, I have felt forgiveness towards her, which comes from a place of compassion and not ignorant denial.
When I approached her about the abuse, she was devastated, telling me she has lived with crippling guilt her whole life. She also told me she had also been abused as a child. I offered her my therapist’s card and urged her to seek out help. She called Dr. De Saint-Simone to inquire, and I was thrilled. Sadly, she allowed her fears of “what she might uncover” about the abuse and her own life’s path, to stop her from pursuing therapy. This is tragic to me; it’s like being locked in a dark, scary room with monsters and ghosts. Someone offers you a key to the exit, and you put it in the door… it fits! But instead of turning the key to walk out, you decide to abandon the key altogether and turn to walk deeper into the dark room.
I hope my sister goes back to the therapy one day, because she will (hopefully) learn that having children, and new homes, and a “white picket fence” mean nothing if you don’t have free eyes, and a free heart, to truly enjoy Life.
I have been fortunate to have found this therapy, freed myself from sexual confusion, depression, and other debilitating fears that curtail my experience of Life and true, Universal Love. I have my good days and challenges, as I am still human, but when I look back at how life used to be, I can barely recognize that version of myself. I have much more of an inner balance and I am cultivating the strength that allows me to function and continue living in such a difficult period on this planet (a period that won’t be improving if we honestly consider the outside world’s situation).
I now understand on a profound level what “healing” truly means, and how dangerous is it to neglect what’s going on within, by paying more attention to what is going on without. I have gained the freedom to no longer vibrate a frequency of fear, which only serves to make things worse. The movies, TV shows, video games, newspapers, TV and radio newscasts all send messages of war, terror, self-defense, fear and “run for your life”. If we enter into the movie, we become part of it! Instead, I now have an increasing strength to reject the common feelings of fear, anger, depression…all frequencies of hardness and death.
I now understand more clearly that even if the body – the reflection in the mirror – dies, the inner warrior continues (this is heavily supported by the quantum physics’ precept, “The Mind is All”).
As such, strengthening and polishing the inner spiritual warrior is a big priority that we should all embrace because only this will bring us respite. If you work hard and have the conscious will to get rid of what ails you in a profound way, you can experience respite too. Love energy is the essence of Life, and it will protect me and continue to bring me strength. I will continue therapy, and continue strengthening within. This is what truly counts.
Peace and blessings,
Grace’s initial story can be read by clicking here.
You can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for the phone number of our therapist