Significant Films About Repressed Memory

Hollywood made very few films about repressed memory. I am posting about three excellent films in which Hollywood managed to do wonderful work with research, writing, and acting.

You can find these movies on Netflix or order from your local library.

Take care when watching, as they will probably trigger something in anyone who has had similar experiences, but then again, that would be good compass to any truth hiding inside you.


The Prince of Tides

A New York psychiatrist treating an emotionally scarred woman finds it helpful to discuss her South Carolina family’s troubled history with the woman’s twin brother. He and the psychiatrist find themselves drawn together by their equally turbulent pasts, and they form an alliance which ultimately leads to romance.


Dolores Claiborne

In a small New England town, Dolores Claiborne (Kathy Bates) works as a housekeeper for the rich but heartless Vera Donovan (Judy Parfitt). When Vera turns up dead, Dolores is accused of killing her elderly employer — so her estranged daughter, Selena (Jennifer Jason Leigh), a well-respected New York City journalist, decides to visit her mother and investigate the matter for herself. As Selena digs deeper into the case, she uncovers shocking truths about the murder and her own childhood.


A Thousand Acres

A patriarch (Jason Robards) deeds his farm to two (Michelle Pfeiffer, Jessica Lange) of his three daughters in a modern “King Lear” set in the U.S. Midwest.



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Just a Reminder: Teenage Girls Sexually Abuse Children Too

‘No secret’ families help protect children from sexual abuse

The day I told my mom about our babysitter, Dani

“I remember the day I told my mom about Dani. We stood in our family kitchen in American Fork, Utah.

“Dani is coming over tonight to babysit,” my mom told me. It was an innocuous statement, a simple announcement. Yet fear flooded me. My heart raced.

I don’t remember exactly what I said. Nonetheless, my descriptions of what our babysitter Dani would do when my parents were gone gushed forth in a rush of shaking and crying.

“She lays on top of me in bed and kisses me. She says that I’m the mommy and she’s the daddy.”

“She locks me in a dark closet when I tell her no.”

“She says that I can never tell you.”

I was six years old.


My mom had told me it was wrong for anyone, especially someone older than me, to tell me to keep a secret from her. She always told me I could tell her anything and that it was really important to tell her some things. For example, if someone tried to touch my body in inappropriate ways, I was to tell. Dani was a 13-year-old babysitter highly recommended in our Latter-Day Saints (LDS) ward. She was breaking both of these important rules. I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

I don’t remember how long it took me to tell my mom. How many visits with Dani went by before that moment in the kitchen when some wise, deep, and honest part of my 6-year-old self welled up with courage and broke the silence? I don’t know. I do know that I decided to risk Dani’s anger, and the potentiality of being locked in the feared, dark, small closet — and tell.

My mother believed me.

My mother fully, without question, believed me. She immediately told my father, and together, they initiated a meeting with our LDS ward’s bishop and Dani’s parents to discuss the matter. From that moment forward, Dani never again stepped foot into our home. I was safe.

According to Marilyn Van Derbur, author of Miss America by Day, “Those who told immediately or very shortly after the abuse and were believed and supported showed relatively few long-term traumatic symptoms. Those who either did not tell (typically due to fear or shame) or who told and encountered a negative, blaming, disbelieving or ridiculing response were classified as extremely traumatized.”

In Trauma Proofing your Kids: A Parent’s Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience, authors Peter A. Levine and Maggie Klein describe how 85 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is perpetuated by someone the child knows and trusts – a parent, step-parent, coach, teacher, older cousin or sibling, priest, or babysitter. And while many parents may warn children about strange adult men, the fact of the matter is that the average age of most sex offenders is 14 — according to a 2000 report by the Criminal Justice Source Statistics.

I remember the day I first told “The Dani Story” to my soon-to-be 6-year-old son and children that I help homeschool. We were discussing “stay safe rules” and how vital it is to “say no and tell” when older children or adults, even those we may trust and love, ask us to do things that are wrong. In “Trauma Proofing your Kids,” Levine and Klein argue that parents should begin teaching children “about inappropriate touch as early as preschool” and that “it is especially important to practice what to do or say beforehand.”

Levine and Klein strongly recommend parents role-play various scenarios. They encourage parents to help their children imagine “What if?” games around safety and practice acting out responses to difficult and confusing situations. By acting out parts of the story, children have the opportunity to practice saying “No” in a supportive space. This helps prevent them from freezing up if such an event were to occur.

For example, imagine a babysitter who knows a child loves cars or trucks. He or she may say: “I’ll bring a special car/truck toy for you the next time I come if you will sit on my lap and watch this video with me. But it’s a video that only you and I can see and it’s a very special secret just for us to share.” How would your child respond? Can you act out this scenario beforehand? Can you give your child opportunities to recognize warning signs, sense their intuition that something may be wrong, and say: “No. We don’t keep secrets in our family.” Can you help your child identify a list of safe adults to whom they could turn and tell?

Clearly, parents need to prepare children for the mental games of secrecy and grooming that characterize most childhood sexual abuse. Levine and Klein observe that while abusers may use force, “more often they will use trickery.” And the greatest trickery of all?

“Don’t tell your mom.”

“Don’t tell your dad.”

“This is our special secret.”

Children need to be warned that they will be asked to keep secrets and they need to know that any older child or adult who asks them to keep secrets has done something wrong. Levine and Klein encourage parents to support their children in noticing and trusting their gut instincts and asking for help immediately (“say no and tell”). Finally, parents must assure their children that they will be believed and protected — no matter who the person is or what consequence was threatened should the child reveal the secret.

As a young girl, I experienced frightening and confusing situations with a babysitter entrusted to care for me. Gratefully, before Dani was ever invited over, I had also been taught that we don’t keep secrets in our family and to always, always tell if anyone were to try to touch me in ways that felt wrong. Knowledge of these foundational guidelines helped me access the courage needed to speak out in the kitchen one very important day.

But what if I had not been believed? What if my mom and defended Dani? “Oh, she’s a good girl. She would never do that.” Etc.

According to Levine and Klein, children have a natural ability to sense who is safe and who is not safe. “You, the parents, need to trust this sense and foster its development rather than try to change a child’s mind.”

So, believe your children and cultivate a “No Secret” family.


Recently, I interviewed Susan Caruso, director and founder of Sunflower Creative Arts in Delray Beach, Fla. with regard to her 25-year-long history of leading parenting classes on “Talking with children about sex.” Beginning in the preschool ages, Caruso argues that it is vitally important to use the correct terms for a child’s private parts and talk about body safety. Caruso encourages parents to use the terms “surprise” or “safe secrets” when it comes to temporarily withholding information for birthdays or holidays. Outside of this, parents need to be clear that “we don’t keep secrets in our family.”

While I carry difficult memories of what happened when Dani babysat, the memories that stand out most have to do with my mom.

I told.

I was believed.

Dani never came back.

No secrets.”

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Unhealed Trauma Can Affect Your Love Life

How Our Past Is Messing Up All Our Relationships

If we all start looking at ourselves first when we have relationship problems then we’ll be able to have long-lasting, happy, and passionate relationships.


“Ever wonder why your relationships keep ending? Why are you so attracted to emotionally immature guys or girls? Why do you keep repeating similar patterns over and over?

These are hard questions to answer. Most people will blame external factors. They’ll say “Oh my relationships keep ending because I just choose the wrong people” or “there are no good guys out there, they’re all immature”. In a way you’re right. You likely do keep choosing the wrong people. You likely do keep attracting immature guys so it seems like there are no mature guys out there. But the problem really lies within yourself. You attract what you are.


If you’re emotionally immature yourself then you will attract the same. You’ll also be attracted to the same even if you say you’re not. You’ll completely overlook the more emotionally healthy people out there, so it’ll look to you like there aren’t any. If you have narcissistic tendencies, which the rate of that being diagnosed has doubled over the past 10 years, then you might even completely blame other people for what happens in your relationships. You’ll think “I’m mature but I keep dating immature girls, I need to stop doing that and look for mature girls”. On the surface that seems like a healthy way of thinking, but you’re lying to yourself or not aware that you yourself are immature as well.

Most of us are emotionally immature, how could we not be? Our society doesn’t value psychology. It doesn’t value mental health. Many see therapy as something for mentally weak people. Especially with men, this is a problem since we have this definition of masculinity that is completely wrong.

The reason I’m so familiar with the excuses of an emotionally immature person is because I’ve been one for the longest time.  On the surface, I looked like I had my shit together. On the surface, I probably seemed mature, but emotional maturity is a whole different thing. It‘s something you have to work towards, as all of us start out immature.

We don’t realize where this comes from since it never gets talked about, but our repressed childhood traumas have a lasting effect on us. They stay with us no matter how hard we repress them. Repressing is why it keeps affecting our relationships.

The scary thing is, even traumatic memories from a very young age that we’ve forgotten because we’ve repressed them can affect your entire life. There’s a great story of in “Drama of the Gifted Child”, which everyone should start out reading to learn about childhood trauma, that illustrates how extreme and long one event in your childhood can affect you as an adult.


In the story, there’s a woman who always has anxiety whenever she’s really successful or really happy, in a relationship or in her career. Obviously, this sabotages all her relationships since every time she’s happy she gets anxious and looks for the danger or the problem. Since she’s always looking for the problem when the relationship is good she always eventually finds one or creates one.

So she goes to a therapist to find out why she has this feeling every time. She thinks it must be a fear of success or something, but that’s not it. After weeks of therapy, they discover that it’s coming from a memory of when she was a little girl of 4 years old. In the memory, she’s on the train with her dad and she’s the happiest she’s ever been in her young life. The window is open and she’s jumping up and down in her seat because she’s so happy and excited. Then right when the train takes a very sharp turn she jumps up and almost gets flung out the window. Her dad grabs her by the legs and basically saves her from falling out of the train.

Because of this, the girl grows up to be a woman that always associates feeling very happy with imminent danger. Which basically makes it impossible for her to be in a happy relationship long term. It didn’t only affect her, it also had an effect on how her father parented. When that happened he thought to himself “I can’t lose sight of her for one second, I always have to pay attention and make sure she’s safe”. When she speaks of her father she mentions how he’s always been controlling with her. He wasn’t like that before but after that event, he changed, subconsciously he thought he had to.

That’s one example of how childhood repressed memories affect us as adults. Another can be something as simple as having an emotionally absent father figure. If you had a dad that was there but never really showed you any physical or verbal affection, it would affect your relationships if you never dealt with it properly. More than likely you’d always be attracted to guys that didn’t give you that much attention because you’re always trying to get that love from someone else. The love that you didn’t receive from your dad.

All of that makes it sound like we have no chance for a happy long-term relationship. And yea, it would be very hard to have one if we never deal with our past.

The great news is that we can work through our past. That alone would have a huge positive effect on our relationships. It would affect how we date, who we date, and really all of our relationships. That’s how important it is.

Actually doing this takes time. It takes a lot of time. There’s no instant solution or quick mind shift that you can do. Even if you intellectually know your past and know all the issues from it, you still haven’t emotionally worked through them. I know how hard that is, especially if you’re like me and have always been awful at expressing and recognizing your own emotions.

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all solution to this and it’s important to remember that you’ll never be “fixed”. You’ll work through the bigger issues and will always have to keep working on it, but it will lead to a more fulfilled life.

I know for myself, it’s changed my life. Even if I’m still near the beginning of working through these issues. I’m not going to lie, it’s extremely hard. Going through past memories you don’t want to think about or feelings that you don’t want is tough. But, it’s the most alive I’ve felt since I was a kid.

What I did to start is I got a therapist, a good one. Really do your research on this as getting a bad therapist is as bad as doing nothing about it. Find someone that clicks with you. For all of you that don’t think you need therapy, especially guys, you do. If you told me a year ago about going to therapy I would’ve laughed and told you that it’s for the mentally weak, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If you can afford to do it, definitely do it. Even if you only start with once or twice a month.

The other thing you should do, regardless if you get a therapist or not, is to read about childhood trauma and how your past shapes who you are today. One of the best starting books that was recommended multiple times by therapists is Alice Miller’s “Drama of the Gifted Child”. It’s a pretty short read but eye-opening.

If we all start looking at ourselves first when we have relationship problems then we’ll be able to have long-lasting, happy, and passionate relationships. I think that’s really what we all want.”

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Large Amount of Documented Evidence For the Existence of Psychogenic Amnesia

The issue of repressed memory has been raised in the national media recently, partly associated with the royal commission’s investigation into institutional childhood sex abuse.

There are questions about the worth or appropriateness of therapy techniques that encourage recollections of past abuse.

It has been questioned whether trauma victims can truly forget events that are usually recalled all too vividly.


A related issue is whether therapists can unwittingly implant false memories of abuse by being overzealous in seeking evidence for them.

Having seen hundreds of clients for psychological trauma, including sexual abuse and war trauma, I find much of the commentary disturbingly simplistic and naive.

There is a huge amount of documented evidence over the past century for the existence of psychogenic amnesia, or spontaneous forgetting of stressful personal experiences.

Indeed, one of the defining symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder is the inability to remember key features of a traumatic event.

This PTSD symptom, as others, is based on long-standing objective research. Another well-established research finding is that many PTSD sufferers can benefit greatly from exposure-based therapy, meaning they are encouraged to directly recall the traumatic situation and associated painful emotions.

This helps further process the trauma memories, defusing their emotional impact. In my experience few therapy interventions can lead to such profound benefit so quickly.

Any trauma therapist worth their salt knows that one of the potential complications of exposure therapy is that other related, or even unrelated trauma memories can be triggered that were previously forgotten. For example, one war veteran I was treating suddenly reported a memory of sexual abuse by a family member that he had not recalled since childhood.

This helped us make much more sense of his disturbing reactions and behaviour in many other situations. His recollection was supported by his wife’s report of what other family members had confided to her.

Many experienced trauma therapists would know of dozens of such situations where clients have reported spontaneous recall of distressing circumstances that they had previously forgotten.

Sometimes the recovery of trauma memories is of huge benefit. For example, one Vietnam veteran with severe PTSD told me he was sure that he had forgotten something significant that might be a key to his recovery. He urged me to offer him a therapy intervention that might uncover whatever that might be. Despite being fully aware of the fallibility of memory and the potential for people to recall false as well as true details, there seemed little to lose. He was so distressed and detached from family members he described himself as a piece of furniture in his house.

Soon after initiating exposure-based therapy, he described a disturbing recollection of launching a grenade he believed had deflected off a tree and fallen a short distance away, potentially killing his friend, who had not survived the night.

Even though the truth of the situation could never be known, his recovered memory helped make sense of his inexplicable guilt and sense of unworthiness. He was more able to accept himself and his reactions. He went from being one of the most severely afflicted veterans to displaying an uncommonly positive level of recovery. He became much better connected with his family.

Evidently, recovered memories can apply to adults as well as children. It would likely have done him a great disservice to explain that I wouldn’t attempt to help him recover a potentially forgotten memory because it might not be completely accurate and I might inadvertently implant a distressing but false war memory in his head.

What has partly disturbed me over the years is the emphasis since the mid-1990s on the risks of therapists implanting false memories, rather than first highlighting the harm resulting from unacknowledged sexual abuse.

When several clinicians highlighted such concerns in local psychiatric services around 1990, the most senior clinician dismissively observed, “What’s all this about sexual abuse?”

The most harmful aspect of psychological trauma is its invalidating effect on the sufferer. Many who have reported sexual abuse have been further invalidated and further traumatised. It seems that “false memory syndrome” is perhaps the only mental health syndrome that was not introduced by a professional. In fact the term was coined by an alleged perpetrator. How concerning is that!

— Chris Mackey is a Fellow of The Australian Psychological Society and has presented on psychological trauma at numerous international conferences




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Victims Can Lose All Memory of Child Abuse, Says Judge

“The head of the royal commission into institutional child abuse has declined to respond to criticisms that it is endorsing controversial “repressed memory” counselling techniques but says he has seen ­direct evidence that victims may have complete ­amnesia of their trauma.

Judge Peter McClellan told a conference of psychotherapists in Sydney on Saturday that he had been “somewhat startled” while leading the inquiry to meet abuse victims who have no memory of their childhood trauma.

“I have sat with people in private sessions … when we know that that person has been abused by someone and the perpetrator has confessed and been convicted, and the victim has no memory of that abuse having occurred at all,” Justice McClellan said.

The Weekend Australian revealed on Saturday that experts in the field of trauma and memory were critical of the commission for endorsing “ethically dubious” counselling ideas that they say are identical to the repressed-­memory therapy of the 1980s and 90s, when a rash of false and biz­arre allegations of abuse were made.

Justice McClellan said he would not comment on the criticisms, which centre in part on the commission’s endorsement of the counselling guidelines of Cathy Kezelman, a high-profile activist who says she was sexually abused during her childhood by her father and a pedophile cult led by her grandmother.

The Weekend Australian revealed on Saturday that Dr Kezelman’s mother and brother repudiate her claims, and her psychologist was investigated by the Psychology Council of NSW. Dr Kezelman, who is president of the Blue Knot Foundation and sits on the expert panel devising the $4 billion redress scheme for victims of institutional abuse, denied at the weekend that the counselling guidelines she co-wrote advocated the retrieval of repressed memories.

Fairfax Media quoted her as saying it was “totally false” to suggest her repressed memories were triggered by her psychotherapy, because the memories began emerging when she was at home, not while with her therapist.

Dr Kezelman was scheduled to introduce Justice McClellan at Saturday’s conference but did not appear because of illness. The judge has previously called her an “old friend” of the commission and said her knowledge exceeded that of many judges and bureaucrats dealing with child abuse.

In his speech, Justice McClellan alluded to an address he gave 11 years ago that contained cautionary words about the repressed memory phenomenon, whereby adult psychotherapy patients recover memories of entirely forgotten child abuse. In that earlier speech, he noted that these memories could be false, citing scientific research.

On Saturday, Justice McClellan said the royal commission had commissioned a wide range of experts, and its research indicated memory was ­constantly refined and reconsolidated. Some adults could not recall their trauma in detail or at all, which could present problems when dealing with police or seeking compensation.

More than 7500 people have told the royal commission they were abused in institutional settings, and all will be eligible to apply for compensation payments and subsidised counselling under the federal government’s proposed redress scheme for victims. The maximum individual compensation has been set at $150,000.

Justice McClellan said counsellors employed by the redress scheme should have expertise in dealing with complex trauma.

The judge’s speech was preceded by a presentation from Joan Haliburn, a psychiatrist at the Complex Trauma Unit at Westmead Hospital, who said at least half of her patients had no memory of their trauma before entering psychotherapy with her.

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Did Your Father Come Into Your Bedroom At Night?

Marilyn Van Derbur Speaks candidly and beautifully about her father, and how one question by someone who suspected the abuse, triggered her memory.


Marilyn and her parents. Who would guess?



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One of Jerry Sandusky’s Sons Guilty of Child Sexual Abuse

I wonder where he learned this behavior from?

“One of the sons of former Penn State football assistant coach Jerry Sandusky has pleaded guilty to 14 counts of child sexual abuse in Centre County, Pa.

The Centre Daily Times reports that the younger Sandusky was charged earlier this year:

“Jeffrey Sandusky was charged in February after state police at Rockview began an investigation when a 16-year-old known to Jeffrey Sandusky reported that he had sent the minor text messages asking for nude photos in March 2016. Another minor told police that Jeffrey Sandusky had asked her to perform sex acts on him when she was 15 years old, according to a release from the District Attorney’s Office.”


Due to go on trial next week, Sandusky, 41, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanors and 12 felonies in a deal with prosecutors, under which he would serve three to six years in prison. The judge isn’t bound by the deal and could sentence him to up to eight years.

Centre County District Attorney Stacey Parks Miller said the plea spares the victims the trauma of testifying. “We are happy that these girls can move forward and experience a life with adults that deserve their trust,” she said.

The elder Sandusky was convicted in 2012 of 45 counts of child sexual abuse and sentenced to 30 to 60 years in prison. Earlier this year, three former Penn State officials were given jail sentences for failing to report him to authorities. Former head coach Joe Paterno, who died in 2012, was fired in 2011, also for failing to adequately report Sandusky.”

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