The Story of Grace: A Woman’s Inner Journey from Sexual Confusion Towards Liberation

This is the story and testimony of a twenty-six year old woman named Grace, who sent me a private email in the spring of 2012.

Grace found me through my Blog by reading my article on the severe, and sometimes devastating, effects of child sexual abuse perpetrated by a female, on a female child.

Grace confided in me that the reason for her online search was because, at the age of four, she had been sexually abused by her sister. Her sister was nine at the time, and the abuse lasted approximately five years.

When Grace first began communication with me, she expressed that she had been living in a same-sex relationship for almost four years. Grace loved her partner very much, and her partner and lover had been a huge source of support and encouragement for her. The two women even spoke of being together “forever” and of having children one day. Grace has never been sexual with a man.

Grace and her female partner had sex, but during the last two years of their relationship, Grace’s depression and general malaise grew, and the two women stopped having sex. This was incredibly difficult for Grace’s lover, but because of the love that Grace’s partner felt for Grace, she patiently waited for Grace to feel better.

During this time, Grace was extremely angry and fought with her partner on a constant basis. Looking back, Grace feels this was her subconscious mind trying to come out and speak up. Grace knew somewhere deep inside herself, that her sexual intimacy, and relationship with a woman, was based on the sexual abuse she endured by her older sister.

Although Grace blocked out most of the abuse for many years, she always knew in the back of her mind that something had been wrong with her interactions with her sister and, in her late teens, she wrote about it in her journal. Grace always remembered being “physical” with her older sister, and experimenting sexually with her, but she often blocked it out, excusing it as “we were both children, it was just natural sexual exploration.”

This form of denial caused Grace to not deal with the abuse head-on, and the knowledge of the incest consistently slipped in and out of her mind.

Grace revealed to me that she felt her sister might even have blocked out the abuse because it had been nearly twenty years since it happened. But as Grace examined her anger, she got in touch with the fact that her normal sexual, emotional, and mental development was severely stunted by the abuse.

Grace, like so many female victims of child sexual abuse, perpetrated by a female abuser, was afraid of opening up and sharing her story with others because of the voice that told her, “No one will believe you.” So Grace’s partner had been the only person she ever told about the incest with her sister.

Photo of Grace, taken in the summer of 2012.

Photo of Grace, taken in the summer of 2012.

Grace had originally contacted me because her soul was urging her that something was not okay. About three months before emailing me, Grace had become confused about her sense of self and her sexual orientation, and she had begun to feel the sexual abuse perpetrated by her sister had muddled her true sexual identity.

Grace had begun to realize that, because she was so sexualized by another female as a child, the sexual abuse directly affected her sexual choice as an adult. This was also the reason why Grace was so unhappy. Even though she was in a relationship with a caring, supportive partner who loved her very much, there was something that just did not feel right inside.

Grace, who used to work with children on a daily basis, left her job after telling her partner of the incest, because it was all she could think about, and it sent her into such a state of depression that Grace decided to go on antidepressants.

Grace wrote to me:

“I think I might be straight on the inside. I’m so confused. My partner and I rarely have sex, and I have very little drive or desire. It is so bizarre. I even thought I was asexual for a while! I have never been with a man, and I am thinking more and more that the abuse has muddled my sense of self and my own ability to recognize my sexual orientation in a healthy way. I wish I was able to be honest with myself, but I think the abuse is preventing me from seeing whether or not I am straight. This has taken me to a very dark and depressed place.”

Grace’s anguish had intensified before contacting me, because she had recently recalled the memory of her sister telling her as a child, “you can never tell anyone.”

Grace’s family is very close, and for years, Grace felt a sense of closeness with her sister, but once Grace truly became honest with herself, and realized that what she experienced as a child was abuse, she began to drift further and further away from her sister. This had become complicated for Grace because she knew everyone in her family would wonder why she didn’t want to see her sister. Grace knew that, even if she cut her sister out of her life, she would not be able to tell her family why.

Grace’s family, like so many millions of families where incest takes place, is notorious for denial.

During the time that Grace was struggling with these new memories, she discovered her abusive sister had become pregnant. Though Grace knew her sister’s child was innocent and had nothing to do with the situation, this did not stop her from realizing how much was taken from her, and that Grace was left to pick up the pieces, while her sister the abuser, moved on and started a family.

The pregnancy was disturbing Grace very much. Her family was very excited about the pending arrival of the new baby, and this was in part, creating anger in Grace. She felt angry that her sister never spoke of the abuse, and that her sister often asked why she was not invited over to Grace’s home.

It seemed to Grace as though her sister was forcing demands that she had no right to force. Grace found herself not wanting her sister over to her home at all; she just needed to work in therapy on how the abuse affected her life. By the time Grace emailed me, she wanted nothing to do with her sister.

The pregnancy was disturbing Grace very much. Her family was very excited about the pending arrival of the new baby, and this was in part, creating anger in Grace. She felt angry that her sister never spoke of the abuse, and for asking Grace why she was never invited over to Grace’s home.

By the time Grace emailed me, she wanted nothing to do with her sister.

When Grace told me she feared her anger would never pass, and that she would just have to deal with the trauma by cutting her sister out of her life for good, I offered Grace the phone number of my therapist because I knew she could help with every issue Grace was suffering from.

Grace soon began having hypno-analysis therapy with my therapist.

When Grace began the therapy, her memories included kissing her sister, and dry humping with her. Although she blocked out most of what happened, Grace did have a sense that there might have been oral sex with her sister.

When Grace started the therapy, she was willing to end her relationship with her female partner, if it meant being true to herself —if it meant coming to the realization that she was actually straight, and not gay. Grace looked forward to cleaning up her sexual confusion once and for all (she still did not know for certain what sexual orientation she identified with) because this was causing her a lack of self-love, and a profound lack of joy.

As the therapy progressed with Ysatis De Saint-Simone, Grace allowed herself to recall the oral sex her sister forced her into.  This was an extremely uncomfortable memory for Grace. She remembered that she felt an aversion to oral sex with her sister, and had no idea how to do it, but innocently followed instructions anyway. Being close in a sexual way with her sister was pleasurable.

Through the hypno-analysis therapy, Grace was able to deal with the painful knowledge of how sad she had become as a child when her sister grew up and lost interest in her. Like countless victims of child sexual abuse, Grace was angry when the abuse stopped.

“It stopped because she started dating and going out with her own friends, leaving me alone like a used doll. I remember kissing, dry humping and at least one incident of ofrced oral sex (me on her). Yes, I experienced immense physical pleasure and remember wanting it. I have dealt with this in therapy with Ysatis and actually have felt the anger and sadness when she didn’t want to “do it” with me anymore.”

Grace ultimately realized that what she once thought of as “natural sexual exploration between children” was indeed abuse.  She also realized that being sexually intimate with another female as a child caused her to become so deeply involved in a same-sex relationship.

This revelation created a need in Grace to be true to herself and to liberate her soul from the false idea that she was a lesbian. Grace eventually came to the understanding that she needed to break off the relationship with her partner.

Grace experienced much emotional pain and fear in ending her four year relationship with her live-in, same-sex partner. Grace felt as though she was losing her best friend, and her heart was broken. But being true to herself was more important than clinging to a relationship which was rooted in the sexual abuse by her sister.  It was also unfair to her partner.

When Grace first emailed me, she was in a very emotionally distressed state of mind. As time passed, and as Grace continued her sessions with Ysatis De Saint-Simone, I noticed that her emails showed her increased strength and self-empowerment. She had taken back her personal sexual identity —an identity that was previously based in having been sexually abused by her sister, and in part, by her relationship with her father.

Grace wrote to me:

“The initial problem dealt with was my abuse story. Being victimized by my own sister has been something Ysatis and I have worked on. Another thing that came up was my aversion to men in general, caused by my main male role model (father). He was abusive to my mother, selfish, and reinforced the idea that I never wanted to end up like my mom, so I have avoided men. This has left me in a state of confusion and general depression, which is what I have been battling the hardest for the past month.

After coming to terms with my abuse, healing key events that have kept me trapped in the grip of the abuse, and also dealing with my image of men and the role I want them to play in my life, I thought my journey was over. I thought “Now that I know, I can move on”. Not so. I came to a half-hearted conclusion that I am actually not queer, as I had thought, and started becoming physically attracted to a male coworker. I broke up with my partner of four years. My ex and I were serious…we spoke of the future. 

I should definitely add, though, that I was extremely angry and emotionally needy of my ex (also controlling, in some senses).  This was my subconscious being unhappy with these plans we made… I would go along with the conversation, but was never truly, freely happy in the relationship.  Whenever things were good, I would pick a fight.  I was angry most of the time.  I also have to add that through therapy, I have learned that my aversion to men is not only related to being led to believe that I was sexually attracted to women (through my sister’s abuse), but also to the general abuse I witnessed in my family, and the dysfunctional relationship with my parents. A lot of my attraction to the “safety” of women (all the way up to being in a romantic relationship with one) was my never wanting to be in the situation my mother found herself in, married to “that kind of guy” who was abusive in many ways (like my father).  So, my parents’ model, in addition to my abuse by my sister, made me shy away from the idea of being with men.  The abuse by my sister created the connection of physical pleasure and intimacy to women. This is a huge connection that I only made through therapy.”

By having the therapy with Ysatis De Saint-Simone, Grace renewed her joy in her teaching job, and worked on her self-confidence, and self-image. She slowly grew to a place of independence and security, and eventually began to make new friends and to be social. Grace even created an online dating profile, just to test the waters. She looks forward to meeting a man, and to do, and experience, what makes her heart sing.

As Grace worked through the memories of sexual abuse, her sister’s instructions to keep silent, and her feelings and emotions about her true self and her sexual identity, Grace also began to deal with the thought of disclosing the abuse to her biological family, including the very real possibility of confronting her sister about what she had done to her as a child.

After Grace spent time deciding whether or not to reveal her memories to her abuser, Grace made the difficult decision to write a letter of disclosure to her sister. Grace courageously sent that letter last week. The letter is printed below:

Dear [sister],

“I am writing because I have to settle something with you, and I need to do this in order to move on in my journey of healing.  The past few years have been a nightmare of mental illness for me.  The reason behind the distress in my life is the fact that I was used and harmed in an extreme way when I was a child.  You sexually abused me.  It was very wrong and you were 100% aware of what you were doing – you were already 10 and I was only 4.  Your actions have left a very deep scar on my emotional, physical, sexual, and mental well being.  They also shattered my image of you.  I have gone from denial (even forcing myself to forget), to fear, to despair, to healing.  In the past, I always remember feeling uncomfortable around you, even though we had moments when we got along.  As I reached adulthood, I realized that the deep void in my life, my chronic depression, and my laundry list of physical ailments were rooted in emotional distress.

In the past year, I started looking honestly at what was done to me. I remember initially thinking, “We were both children; maybe it was just natural sexual exploration”.  I soon realized that you knew very well that what you were doing was wrong (I remember your words: “You can never tell anyone”).  It lasted years and you were much older than I – certainly old enough.  I have been doing vigorous therapy and have realized that you were wrong in your actions.  Words cannot begin to express how much the abuse has tried to mess up my life.  But no more: I have taken my life back and have dedicated time to learning who I really am, and who I would have grown up to be if my innocence hadn’t been stolen.  I wanted to say all this in person, but my centered decision was to consider the baby inside you and protect it from whatever reaction you have to this.  The baby is not involved in this and I will not allow another child to be victimized by the events of so long ago.  Now that you have given birth, you must know the reasons why I have distanced myself.  I hope with all my heart that your child is not robbed of innocence.  I also wanted to let you know that living as if nothing happened is extremely painful and uncomfortable for me.  So, now that the baby is born, it’s time to settle this issue with you. To tell you I hate what you have put me through.  I love you because you’re my sister.  However, I don’t doubt that this is the wedge between us and I have gone through too much pain to brush it off. I have given thought to the fact that maybe you were victimized yourself – that is your path to engage in, and I think it is too severe to ignore.

There are certain people who I will never tell of what you did to me – why put them through that kind of pain?  But there are other people who I have confided in and will continue to confide in; I am no longer scared to share my story.  I have done nothing wrong, except deny myself of the full life I deserve because of my emotional, mental, and sexual confusions.  You were wrong. My silence until now is NOT me accepting what was done to me.  The time leading up to the writing of this letter has been a true process for me, and this is simply a step on my path.  I have no idea what the future holds for our relationship. My hope is that you will one day find the strength to be as honest as I am being now.  Please do not contact me with the intention of denying anything contained in this letter.  If you do contact me, it will be from a place of honesty and wanting to build a truthful relationship – the kind that two loving sisters should share.”

…As of the publishing of this article, Grace has not been in contact with her sister. Grace will most likely share the outcome of her sister’s response on this Blog because Grace is extremely grateful that she began the therapy with Ysatis De Saint-Simone. Grace wants to help others by sharing her story and her journey, and I am so grateful that she has.

Please note that Grace contributed to the writing of this article more than fifty percent.

Update on Grace

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26 Responses to The Story of Grace: A Woman’s Inner Journey from Sexual Confusion Towards Liberation

  1. Raymond Letsitsa says:

    Hello. I was reading your blog. I’m in South Africa. I’m a guy. I see it strange what happened to you, but all shall be well. I hope you have recovered. There is a sense of confidence that maybe, your attacker was not wrong. Sexual predators have a type of aura about them that makes them appear innocent, whereas their intentions were to cause harm in the first place. Maybe I misunderstood you, perhaps. It is the slight thought that gay intentions might have rained upon you their devious methods, that have me worried. May you survive.

    • Alethea says:

      Raymond, thanks for commenting. But I don’t think Grace is saying that any ‘gay intentions’ were behind her sister sexually abusing her. But the fact is, people who sexually abuse children of the same sex are sexually confused in some way. They are sexually distorted in their mind, and become deviant in their behavior because of that.

  2. Daphne says:

    Dear Alethea,

    Maybe you write about this in one of your articles that I have not read yet. But I’m wondering what your feelings are about lesbians and homosexuals in general. I was wondering because I can imagine that for some gay people same sex abuse had a big influence in their sexual development. And that it all is very very confusing. But do you think this is always the case. Meaning do you think that every gay person is sexually abused? I sincerely hope you do not but will respect it if you do because I think everyone’s personal history influences the way we see the world and everything in it.

    • Alethea says:

      Daphne, I have NEVER written, or said, that all homosexuals were sexually abused as children. But I have said that external influences -usually from childhood- are almost always the root cause of a person becoming gay, or thinking they are, or exploring being a homosexual.

      There are other external influences in a person’s childhood, psychological or emotional situations, other than sexual abuse. I know of a man whose father wouldn’t let him peek at him while the father was naked in the bathroom, and the father would slam the door on the child when he tried to peek. As an adult, the man began to think he might be gay, because he wanted to peek at naked men. It was only during deep, introspective, psychotherapy that the man remembered his father making it ‘forbidden’ to look. Once the man made the connection, and healed the experiences with his father -healed them at the subconscious level- he no longer experienced any feelings about wanting to see men naked, and no longer had any confusion, or feeling, he might be gay.

      • Daphne says:

        Thank you and sorry for putting you on a spot like that. I’m not the brightest candle and need things to be said in a very clear manner. Otherwise I keep second guessing and this whole topic is so important to me that I want to get it right this time. No more tumbling in the dark and falling down deep pitholes, I’m reaching for the light.

        And, for what it’s worth, I agree that external influences can cause an immense confusion about who you really are. I asked the question out of a need to protect the ‘non-confused’, the truly gay people that have had no experiences with sexual abbuse from either mother or father, sister or brother. I can understand that they would be threatened by the idea of other people getting sexually confused by abuse. And that it might make them feel like they are not accepted for who they are. I am sure you will agree that nobody should be made to feel that way.

        Your site is starting to mean a whole lot to me because I feel that you have made a place where people, who are dealing with the destructive results of sexual abuse, can be honest. True honesty is never ment to hurt anyone’s feelings, otherwise it would be dishonest. And it shouldn’t be that in order not to offend anyone’s right of being who they are means totally having to deny being who your are.

        Let me thank you for opening up a new world to me. I felt so lonely, with only my sorrow to hold on to. Now I can read about not only your path, and other people’s paths but I can actually have some sort of company in my own yourney.

        • Alethea says:

          Hi Daphne,

          I believe I said that there are other external influences -other than sexual abuse- which can also cause someone to become sexually confused, and or, think they are gay. There are probably very few “non-confused, truly gay people.” Some people do have hormonal influences, but even that is not normal. Homosexuality is not natural, and life is too short to not speak the truth to one another.

          If a good therapist took a gay person inside their own mind -at the subconscious level- and allowed them o explore their first feelings of being attracted to the same sex, or feeling different in their sexuality, etc. that person would discover the original triggering event that caused them to feel different, or attracted to the same sex. If they had the will to change that event and to heal the false idea of being homosexual, or confused, they could do so in the therapy, and would eventually be attracted to the opposite sex.

          If gays and bi’s and lesbians get threatened by this, then that shows a lack of peace with their own idea of themselves.

          No one should be made to feel badly with personal attacks, but I won’t be a lie to myself, or to the other person, if they need to hear the truth about homosexuality –because it is NOT who they truly are. It is a myth for anyone to be told that their sexual identity is who they truly are.

          Yes, people can speak their truth here, but they also need to be ready for me, or someone else, to disagree, or send them into a different direction with their belief system. True honesty USUALLY hurts the ego of others (what you call “feelings”). I don’t cater to feelings or the ego, I cater to truth, and speak to the soul of others. I did not start this Blog to be dishonest with people. or to lie to myself by being a people-pleaser.

          I am fairly certain this is not the reply you wanted, but my Blog is about truth. It is not for ignoring the dysfunction of others, or for stroking people’s egos in order for them to feel good. It is not about hugs, or singing “cumbaya” together. There are hundreds of Blogs/Forums for abuse survivors for that. It does not help anyone , it does not heal anyone, so I will not do it here.

          ~All my best wishes,
          Alethea

          • wordphage says:

            Read a fucking book. You are completely and utterly wrong about orientation. People can certainly get confused, but there is nothing unnatural about being queer.

            • Alethea says:

              It’s interesting that you call it being “queer.” The root meaning of the word is “strange, peculiar, oblique, off-center,perverse, odd.”

              However, you are incorrect. Sexual abuse creating someone turning to homosexuality, makes the relationship and feeling for the same sex unnatural, because sexual abuse is unnatural, so the effect of the cause, is unnatural.

              • Athena says:

                It’s interesting that you choose to ignore the history of this word and instead condemn someone for using it. Some of the queer community use the word “queer” to describe themselves because it was used as an insult against them for so long (it still is, actually). You could compare it to the use of the n-word in black society. It was used as an insult, but the community began to use it in everyday language. There still is stigma around both of these words today, and there probably always will be, but both communities have claimed them. Not everyone in each community is comfortable with using the term, but a portion of them, mostly the younger portion, do use it.

              • Alethea says:

                I was merely pointing out the root meaning of the word. You can take it as you wish. But I think it’s strange for people who don’t wish to be considered as different or odd, or whatever, to use the word to identify themselves.

                Black people, who call themselves “niggers” are devaluing themselves by their own use of the word.

                You identify with being a lesbian, but it is not WHO you TRULY are. If you worked on yourself in deep therapy, by going inside your subconscious mind, you would discover your true self, instead of whatever you identify with, for whatever subconscious reasons.

  3. Kitt. says:

    What I do not get is why there was a need to shed light on molestations from a female, instead of focusing on the real culprit, men.

    • Solita says:

      SERIOUSLY?? I didn’t know monsters came only in just one gender… The real culprit are men AND WOMEN who happen to be pedophiles. I am a 35 y/o woman who was molested sexually since I was 4 by a FEMALE babysitter, for years. My life was ruined since then and I’m still struggling with the trauma this caused me. So yeah, it is EXTREMELY NECESSARY to “shed light on molestations by a female”, because it damages children as much as it does if they were molested by males. We the victims of female pedophiles need people to talk about it and rise awarenes of this…

      THAT IS WHY.

    • Hi Kitt, I think your question is the exact reason Alethea had to come forward and tell her story. I think in doing so you have shown that there is still so much work to do… This is her blog, and although she doesn’t owe you an explanation… she has thoughtfully written one. I believe she did this because she knows the damage that can be done with just one asinine comment or question. There are many people who share in her pain and come here not just for compassion, but for validation. If you had done your homework before spouting off, you’d have seen that she sheds PLENTY of light on both sexes who commit sex crimes against children!! At least she IS shedding light and doing something to help, what are YOU doing besides “trolling” blogs here & there with asinine questions.

      But, I’m glad you ARE here because you need to educate yourself! I mean honestly, who do you think you are, to minimize the suffering of a child because they were raped by a female instead of a male??? How do you function with such a defective way of thinking?

      • Alethea says:

        Loudest Silence, you are correct, I wrote the article because I know the damage that can be done with just one asinine comment or question.

        Children and the truth constantly need defending.

    • blowyourfunnyfuse says:

      SMDH. Are you oblivious to the fact that all people can be evil?

  4. DJuana Flowers says:

    I am curious about the sister, and the child that she was. What would motivate such a young kid to do something like that, to any other child ?

  5. Little Nel says:

    It seems that sexual abuse is the same emotionally, mentally, and physically when the abuser is someone you love.

    Good for you, Grace. Now you can be at peace with your own personal preferences, instead of being forced into something uncomfortable for you.

    You are courageous and intelligent.

    • Alethea says:

      Yes LN, Grace is courageous, strong, and a warrior for herself and her personal freedom. I have found the gay and lesbian community to be very hard on people like Grace and me, for daring to speak about this.

      They are all for freedom of speech when it is about their gayness in the world, but they shut down people who dare to have a different opinion than they do about homosexuality, and its causes.

      • Chaya says:

        If there is anything that reveals a pure, through-and-through bigot, it is when they lump together literally millions of people into an imaginary “Community” and then complain, because one or two of those people were mean to her, the whole imaginary “Community” is mean. Yeah, that’s right Alethea. That entire COMMUNITY is all for freedom of speech “when it is about their gayness of the world” but will SHUT YOU DOWN (having the nerve to argue with you) if you DARE to have a different opinion (having the gall to refuse them the same rights to liberty and happiness as yourself). You should spend some time examining your own head, girl, because it is a completely deluded one.

        And your poor, sad little Grace friend? She’s suffering from sexual abuse, all right. I recognize the symptoms. The saddest thing, though, is that she IS a lesbian who was abused by her sister. That’s like being a straight woman who was abused by her brother. It means she may never find the ability to love well and truly because her sexuality has been twisted by an abuser. And she definitely will never get there with the “help” of bigots like you who offer her a magical carpet ride to the heterosexual paradise she used to think she could never get to. You’re just lying to her–and that’s not helping her. And it’s not helping the man she will marry and then ditch because she just can’t love him “that way.” Or their kids who will end up shuttling back and forth between their two divorced parents.

        • Alethea says:

          Chaya,

          Your anger speaks volumes. I have no problem examining my own psyche, as doing so has liberated me from so much mental garbage, false concepts, and physical suffering that I am liberated by doing so.

          Since you have such a negative reaction to me and my beliefs, and to Grace’s story, maybe you ought to also spend some time examining your own head?

          Anyone who is completely comfortable in their gayness, or in the gayness of a friend or relative, should not react to my beliefs/experiences/opinion with such hostility.

          “And your poor, sad little Grace friend? She’s suffering from sexual abuse, all right. I recognize the symptoms. The saddest thing, though, is that she IS a lesbian who was abused by her sister.”

          Grace is an internet friend. She found my Blog through an article I wrote. I have never met her.

          But here, you show your deep hypocritical self. You condemn me and demean Grace, but you don’t allow her the personal dignity of having decided for herself that she was not gay. YOU have decided for her, that she IS gay.

          “That’s like being a straight woman who was abused by her brother.”

          I know of many women who were sexually abused by a male who have become “lesbian” because of their hatred for men, so your theory does not fit.

          “You’re just lying to her–and that’s not helping her. And it’s not helping the man she will marry and then ditch because she just can’t love him “that way.” Or their kids who will end up shuttling back and forth between their two divorced parents.”

          Grace found my blog out of her own searching and suffering, and she and I have never spoken. She is finding herself on her own, by having therapy that penetrates her subconscious mind -her soul. She is liberating herself, from ‘herself’ in a sense. –from her false self.

          Just as I am liberating myself.

          You really ought to check yourself out and see what it is that you are truly so angry about….maybe you know deep inside that you are not truly gay? Maybe something about all this rings true and you lash out at the messenger?

          ~Alethea

        • Grace says:

          Your comment, Chaya, comes from a place of deep ignorance, because you don’t know me, or my story, or what I’ve been through, or what I have healed in myself. You’ve simply read this article, which is only a brief snapshot into a complex story. You really do show a level of unbelievable audacity in making claims about someone’s life and someone’s future, when you are so far removed from the situation. You are rude and disrespectful in making a grand, sweeping statement of what my future holds (and apparently also what is does not hold). You do NOT know what I will or will not “get to” experience. You do NOT know if I will or will not marry a man, and you also do not know if I even want this. Chaya, in all honesty, if my story affected you, why don’t you focus on yourself (figure out WHAT upset you and WHY)… instead of playing psychic?

          There is a great arrogance in the following statement: “She’s suffering from sexual abuse, all right. I recognize the symptoms”. How could you possibly know what symptoms I have worked to heal based on my abuse story? Only I know those, and have healed myself from a great deal of them already, through therapy with Ysatis de Saint-Simone. You do not know what the symptoms I suffered from were, so what gives you the right to claim you are an authority on the abuse “symptoms” of anyone?

          Also, Alethea has not “led” me anywhere. I have spoken to her through email and on this blog a handful of times, and the only reason she knows anything about my story is because I chose to share. I commented on a blogpost of hers because I was desperately searching, I ASKED for her therapist’s contact information, and set off on my own path of healing.

          I would like to clarify a few things (mostly for the people who have benefited and will hopefully continue to benefit from reading my story): I am NOT a lesbian. I WAS abused by my sister, however there are many other complex dynamics within my life that contributed to a deep sexual confusion (the abuse was a part of this, but not the whole of it). I do not seek a “magical carpet ride” anywhere…quick fixes do not work, and healing from abuse should not be disrespected by referring to it in this way. By the way, does a heterosexual paradise (or a homosexual paradise, for that matter) truly exist in your reality, Chaya? The Love I seek and the “love” you apparently say I may never know are different. What you are referring to is emotional satisfaction, and I seek something higher than that – Love that one can feel regardless of their relationship status.

          You do not have the right to decide for me or anyone else if they are gay or not. You can only do that for YOU…through penetrating your own subconscious and feeling your Truth.

          Good luck,
          Grace

      • Athena says:

        As a non-straight person, I can say that Grace has done nothing wrong. She discovered some horrible things about her past and finally discovered who she truly was.
        As for you, freedom of speech is great whenever you don’t use it to denounce an entire group of people by saying that they shouldn’t really exist in the first place. That actually makes you come off as the tiniest bit rude.

        • Alethea says:

          If you wish for your comments to be taken seriously, then you need to stop assigning me to things I have NEVER said…EVER. I have never, in my life, stated, thought, or implied, that homosexuals and bi-sexuals “shouldn’t really exist in the first place.”

          And I never said Grace did anything wrong.

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